She broke up with me, but now she's texting me...

[CrystalPilot]

So, I started dating this woman in February. I won't sugarcoat it, our relationship wasn't perfect, but things seemed to be going pretty well regardless. However, in May, she dumps me because, and I quote, "our relationship changed" and "it's not the same as it used to be". I kind of saw it coming in the week leading up to it, but it still sucked considering she didn't try to talk about it beforehand. Anyway, onto the after story.

 

She had a bunch of my belongings at her house still, so I went over the grab them about two nights after the breakup. It was incredibly awkward, mind you. We give each other a quick greeting, I take all my stuff, and I book it out of there. She texts me 5 minutes later.

 

Her: "Bye.."

Me: "Seeya [name]"

 

Fast forward two days, she texts me at 12:30am Frieday night with "it's ****ing stupid how much I miss talking to you..." to which I don't respond.

 

She doesn't text me for the rest of the month and I fight the urge to text her. I wanted to believe that maybe she was regretting the decision, but my conscious was telling me otherwise. I feel that if she really wanted to get back together, she would have just come out and said so. Anyway, about a month goes by. She continues to send me Snapchats occasionally as if we were still dating.

 

At the end of the month, I was preparing to move into my new place and found a couple of her belongings that I had borrowed (books, etc). I tried to convince myself to just go ahead and keep it, but I decided to text her instead (which I'm regretting a little now).

 

Me: "Hey I found your book at my place. Ill bring it over after work today"

Her: "Oh I completely forgot that you had that lol Yah I'm home now so just whenever. Thanks (:"

 

- An hour later -

 

Me: "Cool heading that way"

 

I get there and we chat a little. She's asking me a bunch of questions ("How've you been?", "Did you find a good apartment?", etc). There was no mention of our breakup or relationship. We talk for maybe 3 minutes, but I cut it short and leave. She continues to send me Snapchats over the next few days and finally, two days later, she texts me again.

 

Her: "Did you ever finish that book?"

 

I cave and text her back.

 

Me: "Nah I only got about halfway through it"

Her: "Lame I don't know how you could put it down! I've read it like 4 times and I always read it in one sitting"

Me: "I read in spurtz ok geeeeeeez"

Her: "It's so good though! You should finish it sometime lol"

 

I started thinking about it and I got a little irritated over the fact that she was just texting me like nothing happened.

 

Me: "I don't get you [name]"

Her: "What do you mean?"

 

Deep down I want her to say "Hey, I messed up. Can we try again?", but another part of me is telling me to just steer clear. I feel like all these texts she sending are just her way of making sure she still has a grip on my balls and I'm playing right into it. I haven't texted her back after that and, honestly, I don't think I will.

 

What do you all make of this? Am I approaching "We're BFFs now!" territory or does she want me back?

[dumbass2]

Stop caving in and stop contacting her. If she wants you back she'll let you know. Nothing she has done has indicated that. Just normal post break up breadcrumbs. If you keep at, yes you will become just a friend to her. Leave her completely alone and if she misses you and regrets her decision, you'll know it. Right now it's too early on for her to regret it. She still knows that you're there for her because you stay in contact. Really think about the relationship you had with her and ask yourself if she is really worth any more of your time and energy.

[bummer]

What do you all make of this? Am I approaching "We're BFFs now!" territory or does she want me back?

 

Or neither? Did it start as friends? To me it sounds like awkward cordial chatter before she asks for a few strokes of her ego then she'll ghost away for a bit until she needs another boost. Or some odd friendzone you don't need either. Drop it like it's hot.

[CrystalPilot]

Stop caving in and stop contacting her. If she wants you back she'll let you know. Nothing she has done has indicated that. Just normal post break up breadcrumbs. If you keep at, yes you will become just a friend to her. Leave her completely alone and if she misses you and regrets her decision, you'll know it. Right now it's too early on for her to regret it. She still knows that you're there for her because you stay in contact. Really think about the relationship you had with her and ask yourself if she is really worth any more of your time and energy.

 

As of right now, yeah, I do feel like she's worth the time. Who knows, maybe I'm just blinded by love.

 

I'll keep on with NC like you suggested, but I don't like playing the ignore game. I wonder if I should just come right out and say "If you're not interested, don't text me" or something. Thanks

[dumbass2]

IF she contacts you again, I suggest you tell her that it's for the best that you two not remain in contact unless right now she is 100% sure she wants to give a committed relationship another shot with you. Nothing less is acceptable. Then you have your answer. You really already do because she broke up with you and was willing to lose you. That says a lot. You just don't break up with someone you're in love with and see a future with. Remind yourself of that. People stay in relationships and work on any issues if they feel this way.

[ExpatInItaly]

Be careful with this one, OP.

 

She seems to like the occasional attention but if she's not mentioned that she regrets ending it or that she wants to see you again in a more-than-friends context, I would not continue to engage.

 

If she truly doesn't understand why you're confused (and I find it hard to believe that she doesn't), be direct: tell her it's sending you mixed signals when she regularly contacts you but doesn't seem to want anything more, and that being friends is not an option at this time. Tell her to please only get in touch if she would like to talk about reconciling.

[CrystalPilot]

Little statis update for you all. She texted me twice after that and so I responded again (I shouldn't have, I know). Thanks again for the advice.

 

Her: So are you going to explain your comment or no? I mean that's a pretty ofd thing to leave someone hanging on

 

-next morning-

 

Her: or you can just ignore me, its cool

 

-later that day-

 

Me: Why do you keep texting me? You're throwing me mixed signals here. We're through remember?

Her: Because I miss talking to you. We talked every day for months then one day just stopped and it sucked and I know that I'm the one who did it but I still miss you. And I didn't think it would be a bog deal to ask you if you'd finished a book. Like it's fine if you don't want to talk to me, I'll stop texting you. Sorry to bother you i guess.

 

I haven't responded since and I probably won't. Is this the right course of action?

IF she contacts you again, I suggest you tell her that it's for the best that you two not remain in contact unless right now she is 100% sure she wants to give a committed relationship another shot with you. Nothing less is acceptable. Then you have your answer. You really already do because she broke up with you and was willing to lose you. That says a lot. You just don't break up with someone you're in love with and see a future with. Remind yourself of that. People stay in relationships and work on any issues if they feel this way.

 

Yeah, the more I think about this, the more I wonder of she even gave a damn. I feel like she'd have at least spoke with me about her issues with the relationship first. I'd have made every effort to make it better if I could have.

 

Be careful with this one, OP.

 

She seems to like the occasional attention but if she's not mentioned that she regrets ending it or that she wants to see you again in a more-than-friends context, I would not continue to engage.

 

If she truly doesn't understand why you're confused (and I find it hard to believe that she doesn't), be direct: tell her it's sending you mixed signals when she regularly contacts you but doesn't seem to want anything more, and that being friends is not an option at this time. Tell her to please only get in touch if she would like to talk about reconciling.

Thanks! I took this advice to an extent. It felt a little too strange to be as direct about the reconciliation talk.

[SevenCity]

Wow, her reply was unbelievably selfish.

 

She wanted to continue the convos because she is bored with no thought of the impact on you.

 

Don't respond. If you do she will string you along until she finds another guy then will ultimately ignore you.

[Been]

Wow. She breaks up with you bit still wants to talk with you. And you allowed it.

I had an ex do that. She dumped me and then started texting me a day latter-hey if you need anything don't hesitate to call,I'll always be their for you, etc. I finally texted her back and told her I don't want to talk to her and to please stop texting me.

Way I figured is she wanted to be "friends" with me until she started dating again. Screw that. She didn't want to be with me I'm not gonna be their for her when she wants to "talk".

[fiskadoro]

She wants to keep talking to you, why not? It feels comfortable to her, and obviously there are points in her day where she feels bored and needs to quick ego boost/distraction of a text. That's a dramatic step down from being her actual boyfriend... is that what you are willing to settle for? If so, you may think that is rock bottom. Ha, no sir! There likely is soooo much more humiliation in store for you! Keep replying and discover for yourself!

 

I am guessing that is what she gets out of it. What are you getting out of it?

You were clear as day that you didn't appreciate being strung along, and she got pissy about it? Whoa!

 

I was the absolute last convert to the church of NC, but boy did I have my a** handed to me. I wish I had known about this website when I was getting sucked in by flirty fishing expeditions from my ex! Dude, do you yourself a favor and cut her off now. Even ONE TEXT more undermines you, and she needs to feel your loss bone-deep. Won't happen with you being soft.