loneyBird Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 I had one week of no contact with my ex, who I felt was leading me on..and not sure what he wanted. My ex now has a new girlfriend and he keeps saying things like "If i break up with my girlfriend...blah de blah de I will take you back" And now he wants to see me..and have sex with me ...!!??? so I asked,...well what about your girlfriend???? and he said I would have to be a secret unless he broke up with her..... He also wanted me to do certain sexual things with him...and when I told him "you have a girlfriend.. go make her do that..." he said "but its a you and me thing." And to make matters worse...when I told him I was having sexual relations with two friends of mine he got really mad...and then hurt..and asked me why I tried to hurt him... And to this I told him I never wanted to hurt you...good god I am confused !? From what I can tell...I don't think he loves his current girlfriend. He also thinks I am out to hurt him...(he probably assumed this from me trying to have no contact with him)....And that...well....from the way he's acting...does he still have feelings for me???? I'm so bloody tired and confused..... I called him on the phone after we faught and cried on the phone to him....saying I had no idea that hurt him...I didn't understand why it hurt him.....and why he even tries to talk to me anymore? Then he asked why are you so sad!? and I told him it was because I still loved him, but was upset because he had a new girlfriend and was toying with my emotions... He told me I should get some rest...and well here I am upset,...still confused...and upset. god...i cant take any more of this. The problem was...that he seemed almost as if he wanted to get back together with me on the phone...before I had mentioned the fact that I had slept with 2 good friends of mine. But how dare he even be mad! He has a girlfriend...so why does he have to act hurt? Does he fail to see that he hurts me too? UGGGGGG Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 He is doing the same thing to you I did to me ex.. I didn't want a relationship with her and wanted to see other girls but I didnt want her to see other guys.. Its weird. Its possesive.. Anyways I am the dumpee this time.. Anyways he doesn't mean to tease you or toy.. He just doesn't want to lose you thats all.. Just tell him straight up how it is.. Actually when I broke up with my ex and she hung out with guys I got soo jealous and it made me want her more. I am not saying do this but thats what it took me to get back with my ex in the past.. shallow isn't it ?? hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loneyBird Posted May 17, 2005 Author Share Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by mixwell He just doesn't want to lose you thats all.. Just tell him straight up how it is.. . What? what does that mean exactly... tell him straight up that I love him? Or tell him my sex life....or.....what? sigh...so confused... Link to post Share on other sites
Author loneyBird Posted May 17, 2005 Author Share Posted May 17, 2005 still confused.... wondering if i should do no contact for another week...or just be really happy to talk to him the next time he tries to contact me.... Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Perhaps I should refresh your memory from another post of yours: Originally posted by loneyBird the whole time i was with this man, he called me a whore and degrading names..such as those. You need help to get over this addiction you have to this emotionally abusive man. You absolutely have to go to 'no contact' to break this horrible cycle you are in. That means NO phone calls, no email, no texts, no contact at all. If you allow him to draw you back in, he will inflict upon you deepening levels of degradation and abuse - because on some level you need it just like a crack addict needs crack. He will be more than happy to provide it. You will need to get help to learn how to not need this abuse in your life. You have become addicted to the very thing that will send you crashing to the bottom of a hole that will one day become too dark for you to crawl out of. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loneyBird Posted May 17, 2005 Author Share Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia If you allow him to draw you back in, he will inflict upon you deepening levels of degradation and abuse - because on some level you need it just like a crack addict needs crack. Wow what you wrote was a very bleak statement...I never "needed this" abuse. I know people have a tendency to blame the victim in these situations...they they have some magical aura that attracts abuse...but there is more to this situation than there appears to be. Even though my ex may have called me names such as the ones you recall...he also said them in a context that was used to turn us both on. When we were actually together, we were in love and he was a very sensitive man. When we talk about degrading things it is always in the context of talking dity...and to releave the frustrations of being apart from eachother. I was upset he was using this language currently because he would use that as to avoid true communication, and that was the source of my frustrations. I firmly believe that when he attempts to still talk about sexual things with me he is using that as a tool to be intimate with me. The problem with that, is that things remain stagnant and nothing progresses from this base level of intimacy. I guess I am asking advice on how I can either get us to communicate on a different level...or how to accept thats not going to happen...? Link to post Share on other sites
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