Why has she kept me on Facebook/Instagram? Will she reach out?

[maxalton]

Several months ago, I was dating this girl. I really started falling for her. I've dated plenty of girls and felt no real connection with many of them. She was different and there something intangible about her. (Which is why I hate when people say "move on move on move on." Thankfully, since I'm on a Second Chances forum, I feel I'm on a forum where I won't hear much of that because I think a lot of people here are like-minded people.)

 

Over the course of months, me and her became close with eachother. She acknowledged our closeness on a couple different occasions. (So I know at the time, the feeling was mutual.) We were never official. Our relationship with eachother went in tailspin and she essentially friendzoned and blew me off. I know of her past boyfriends and know that they were real alpha-type guys and looking back, I see I was just being too weak, needy, and not masculine enough. (Of course, she never said any of this to me.) It's not me wanting to change who I am to appease her, I just realize now that I acted too weak and not masculine enough. Which I've since learned is a recipe for failure when dating (most) women. There's a reason she likes masculine, confident, alpha guys. So she blew me off basically. I was acting too weak, jealous, and needy at that particular time (I believe so.) I wasn't acting like a guy who was in-demand with other women. I let my neediness and scarcity mindset hone in on her and she knew it. She knew she had me wrapped around her finger. I believe the last straw was when I got jealous through text when I found out she invited somebody else to be her date for her sister's wedding. She has a lot of guys in her life, therefore she has a lot of choices with men. (Nothing wrong with that.) Looking back, me acting weak like that could've done NO good for me. And it didn't. I acted weak etc. and then my anxiety-stricken behavior at that moment caused me to be forceful with her because I wanted to get together with her and talk about it. But I said it in a demanding, forceful way. And she said "Yes we're close but don't say ______, that will just push me away more if anything."

 

I've since found dating/relationship Coach Corey Wayne's work on Youtube and binge-watched countless videos of his. I realized how weak I looked. On top of being a weak, needy, beta-male, he mentions how women will leave you if they feel like they're losing their freedom, which I definitely think she was feeling. In all likeliness, after she pushed me aside, she was probably hanging out with other guys who weren't acting like a needy beta-male like I was. I knew she was turned off by me and there was very little for me to do other than to just walk away and if she comes back, then great.

 

It's been 4-5 months now of no contact between us. I know she's been doing her thing in the meantime. She still follows me on Facebook/Instagram. I know when things ended stale with guys in her past, she would delete them from her life (including social media.) So why has she kept me? Was it so she wouldn't feel like the badguy? She already did the dirty work months ago so if she's afraid of hurting my feelings, Im pretty sure it's too late for that. Or does she not want to delete me because she knows she might revist things in the future? Or does she not care/wants to act like she doesnt care? She actively uses social media and I know that she doesn't follow a ton of people on Instagram so the fact that she's kept me on there makes me wonder if she's open to the possibility of reconciling at some point.

 

Her birthday was in September and it was a tough decision for me to reach out to her and say happy birthday as a way to reopen the lines of communication, or to let her be (because she's ultimately the one who walked away from me.) I decided to save my dignity and not reach out on her birthday. Now, my birthday is in a couple of weeks and I'm wondering if she's going to send me a happy birthday text or say happy birthday to me on Facebook. She can be stubborn so I'm wondering if she has wanted to reach out to me, but never had it in her to do so. Obviously, my birthday would be a perfect excuse for her to reach out to me. I want to see her again so bad (and obviously modify my behavior this time) and I know it's risky, but I'm really hoping to hear from her on my birthday. Obviously the risk is high considering we haven't talked in months, I didn't reach out to her on her birthday, etc. I'm just hoping this no-contact I've been applying will cause her to see a strong, non-needy side of myself. I know I should carry on with my life in the mean-time and if she comes back, then great. But I can't stop these flood of thoughts I have of her everyday. And deep down I refuse to give up hope. I know I'm playing with fire but it's something I'm choosing to do head-on.

 

In closing, what are your gut-feelings on why she kept me on social media and is there a chance she'll reach out on my birthday?

[VeveCakes]

My thoughts are you are trying to modify who you are so a girl who is not interested in you will all of a sudden be interested. Not how it works.

 

FYI those online "tutorials" on how to pick up chicks are just money making schemes. They don't work and are total BS.

 

She didn't delete you because your presence online never bothered her. This is most telling because most people can't stand to see people they want to be with online when they are sad without them.

 

She isn't into you and you are wasting way too much time and energy chasing her.

 

Time to forget about this one and move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

My thoughts are you are trying to modify who you are so a girl who is not interested in you will all of a sudden be interested. Not how it works.

 

FYI those online "tutorials" on how to pick up chicks are just money making schemes. They don't work and are total BS.

 

She didn't delete you because your presence online never bothered her. This is most telling because most people can't stand to see people they want to be with online when they are sad without them.

 

She isn't into you and you are wasting way too much time and energy chasing her.

 

Time to forget about this one and move on.

 

Exactly.

 

Whenever I've kept an ex or former fling around on social media, it was because I wasn't at all affected by seeing their lives or updates. Meaning, there were no feelings left.

 

You're grasping at straws, OP. She isn't interested.

[maxalton]

My thoughts are you are trying to modify who you are so a girl who is not interested in you will all of a sudden be interested. Not how it works.

 

FYI those online "tutorials" on how to pick up chicks are just money making schemes. They don't work and are total BS.

 

She didn't delete you because your presence online never bothered her. This is most telling because most people can't stand to see people they want to be with online when they are sad without them.

 

She isn't into you and you are wasting way too much time and energy chasing her.

 

Time to forget about this one and move on.

 

Corey Wayne isn't a pickup artist. He's a dating/relationship/life coach. He has thousands of youtube videos and he answers emails from viewers in each video. Check out the reviews for his book on amazon. His work is pretty intriguing actually if you care to look. He's far from a pickup artist.

 

 

And I was just asking the possible reasons she didnt delete me. Obviously if she walked away from me,she wouldnt be the one deleting me because "she cant stand to see the one she wants to be with, be without them."

 

 

The way you say "she isnt into you move on" makes it sound like I never had a chance with this girl. This isnt some girl I never had a chance with. We dated/saw eachother over the course of several months and developed chemistry with eachother. Yes, I floundered and she turned cold on me, but the way you put is like saying "ah shes not interested." She LOST interest in me, it's not that she was never interested.

 

 

I know there are two types of people when it comes to rekindling a broken relationship. There's the "Forget it and move on" type of people and there's the people who look at the situation and see what actions to take and the probability of rekindling things. You're obviously the "move on" type. I was expecting to hear a lot of that. Not that I agree with your perspective, but I appreciate it.

Edited December 5, 2016 by maxalton

[maxalton]

Exactly.

 

Whenever I've kept an ex or former fling around on social media, it was because I wasn't at all affected by seeing their lives or updates. Meaning, there were no feelings left.

 

You're grasping at straws, OP. She isn't interested.

 

I wasnt grasping at anything. If you read my post, one of the possible reasons I listed for her keeping me was "or does she just not care?" It's all speculation what the true reason is for her keeping me on facebook/instagram, and only she knows that. I was just looking for some insight and perspective. I appreciate your input anyway.

[dumbass2]

Relationship coaches and so on are great when you are in a relationship with issues or have someone that is interested in you and you might need a little help due to inexperience. The key is that the OTHER person must be somewhat interested in you. If your birthday goes by without anything, then I suggest that you work on moving forward. You never know, months down the road once you are indifferent, she may contact you again and THEN you might be ready to reconnect. From what I hear, it's best it happens a ways down the road with NC and time to truly move on and learn from the past.

[VeveCakes]

Corey Wayne isn't a pickup artist. He's a dating/relationship/life coach. He has thousands of youtube videos and he answers emails from viewers in each video. Check out the reviews for his book on amazon. His work is pretty intriguing actually if you care to look. He's far from a pickup artist.

 

And I was just asking the possible reasons she didnt delete me. Obviously if she walked away from me,she wouldnt be the one deleting me because "she cant stand to see the one she wants to be with, be without them."

 

The way you say "she isnt into you move on" makes it sound like I never had a chance with this girl. This isnt some girl I never had a chance with. We dated/saw eachother over the course of several months and developed chemistry with eachother. Yes, I floundered and she turned cold on me, but the way you put is like saying "ah shes not interested." She LOST interest in me, it's not that she was never interested.

 

 

I know there are two types of people when it comes to rekindling a broken relationship. There's the "Forget it and move on" type of people and there's the people who look at the situation and see what actions to take and the probability of rekindling things. You're obviously the "move on" type. I was expecting to hear a lot of that. Not that I agree with your perspective, but I appreciate it.

 

 

Ugh sorry Corey Wayne is a glorified pick up artist who thrives off people like you. His theories are just what pumps hopes into people who don't know how to navigate the world of relationships alone.

 

And no, I am not the "move on" type. I am all about love and second chances but you never even had a FIRST chance. If you did you would have been together. She wasn't interested then and she isn't now. A second chance on someone who friend zoned you is not going to happen. That's why I said "move on".

 

She wouldnt have lost interest if you did have a chance.

 

Sorry you don't like or agree with my reply, but it's the truth no matter how painful it is to hear.

 

But by all means....try Coreys way for a few more months and come back and let us know how it went.

[Blanco]

I've tried to watch several of Wayne's videos and just cannot make it through any of them. So long, drawn-out and filled with cliches. He seems like an OK guy, but I can't say I've come away with any new insights after watching any of his videos.

 

He's not nearly as cringe-worthy as some of the other big wigs in the PUA community, but so much of his stuff seems like corny nonsense that seems plausible in theory but would usually come across as totally lame in practice, especially executed by the types of guys earnestly devouring the information from his videos.

[Slimtripper]

She really likes you OP. That's why she's never dated you, specifically told you that you'll never date and doesn't speak to you. Her way of making it obvious is to not block you on her social media.

Come on man what are u doing here. I feel like you are the type of guy who won't listen to any advice that he doesn't want to hear. Which is why u don't listen to what she is telling you.

If you were an alpha guy you would have moved on a long time ago. And she would be blocked on all platforms.

Stop this

[ExpatInItaly]

I wasnt grasping at anything. If you read my post, one of the possible reasons I listed for her keeping me was "or does she just not care?" It's all speculation what the true reason is for her keeping me on facebook/instagram, and only she knows that. I was just looking for some insight and perspective. I appreciate your input anyway.

 

Yes, I read your post. I saw your list of reasons. And I maintain my position that she really just isn't interested in you anymore. That is my perspective.

 

And I still believe you are grasping, because you yourself said: you were never exclusive (why is that, anyway?), she blew you off, friendzoned you, and hasn't spoken to you for months. There are no indications here that she has any feelings for you anymore.

 

I'm sorry as I know it's not what you want to hear, but I can only conclude that she moved on a while ago. Use Corey Wayne's "techniques" if you want, but I don't think you're going to get the desired results.

[darkmoon]

she does not know what she wants, imo, or who

 

she sounds a bit giddy, too young, even immature, you will not see logic in her, just more merry-go-round confusion

[maxalton]

Ugh sorry Corey Wayne is a glorified pick up artist who thrives off people like you. His theories are just what pumps hopes into people who don't know how to navigate the world of relationships alone.

 

And no, I am not the "move on" type. I am all about love and second chances but you never even had a FIRST chance. If you did you would have been together. She wasn't interested then and she isn't now. A second chance on someone who friend zoned you is not going to happen. That's why I said "move on".

 

She wouldnt have lost interest if you did have a chance.

 

Sorry you don't like or agree with my reply, but it's the truth no matter how painful it is to hear.

 

But by all means....try Coreys way for a few more months and come back and let us know how it went.

 

I just said he wasn't a pickup artist. His theories pump hope into people who cant navigate relationships alone? I guess we all wish we could have a relationship as great as yours right?

 

 

She wasn't interested in me THEN? So you think she was just seeing me to kill some time? She's a busy person and has people in her life, I highly doubt she would've been hanging out with me just to "kill the time."

 

 

And I think that's false that people who get "friendzoned" don't get second chances. I've read dozens of stories in the past on forums about people who have been friendzoned or "lets just be friends" eventually getting another chance at some point down the road. Not saying that will or will not happen for me, but to say it doesn't happen is false.

 

 

"She wouldnt have lost interest if you had a chance." Not sure what that even means. People who are interested in somebody else can get turned off by their behavior. Especially if that person has alot of options, they're not going to tolerate somebody who's not acting like a man. This is what I've realized during my time of self-reflection during no contact.

 

 

Im not trying to sit here and defend myself or my case, Im really not, but I think there are flaws in your logic. I know it's not a good sign that we haven't talked in months. Im aware of this. A post like dumbass2 made would've been sufficent enough. As I said in my original reply to you, thanks for your insight.

Edited December 6, 2016 by maxalton

[maxalton]

She really likes you OP. That's why she's never dated you, specifically told you that you'll never date and doesn't speak to you. Her way of making it obvious is to not block you on her social media.

Come on man what are u doing here. I feel like you are the type of guy who won't listen to any advice that he doesn't want to hear. Which is why u don't listen to what she is telling you.

If you were an alpha guy you would have moved on a long time ago. And she would be blocked on all platforms.

Stop this

 

When did I say she never dated me? We MET through dating. We originally met eachother off of a dating website. And when did I say she said she'll never date me?

 

 

Has nothing to do with "not listening to advice I dont want to hear." Im aware Im not in an ideal position in my situation. But most of the time all you ever hear is "move on move move on" it gets pretty tedious. All I was doing was pointing out fallicies in her response to me.

 

 

Obviously Im not in an ideal spot, but you two are just talking like "NO THE DOOR IS FOREVER CLOSED. DONE. OVER. FOREVER. DONE."

 

 

Block her? Had I done that she would've KNOWN that she "won" and that she affected me.

 

 

Im aware my best option is to (try to) move on and if she eventually comes back, then great. If she doesn't, I already began moving on. It's hard for me to because I think of her alot.

[maxalton]

Yes, I read your post. I saw your list of reasons. And I maintain my position that she really just isn't interested in you anymore. That is my perspective.

 

And I still believe you are grasping, because you yourself said: you were never exclusive (why is that, anyway?), she blew you off, friendzoned you, and hasn't spoken to you for months. There are no indications here that she has any feelings for you anymore.

 

I'm sorry as I know it's not what you want to hear, but I can only conclude that she moved on a while ago. Use Corey Wayne's "techniques" if you want, but I don't think you're going to get the desired results.

 

Not interested in me ANYMORE. Yes I agree with that. She obviously lost interest in me.

 

 

She's dated alot of guys. When she was seeing me, she was also dating other guys for a period of time. (Not that there's anything wrong with playing the field.) She can be a bit promiscuous when she's single and dating. Again, nothing wrong with that. Just because she never got exclusive with all of them doesn't mean she didn't like any of them. Obviously the situation with me right now is different, but Im just answering your question.

 

 

It has happened before where people get dumped, friendzoned, blown off, whatever you want to call it, and after some period of time, the person comes back. (And you get to show that person a reformed version of yourself. Confident, masculine, non-needy.) Not saying that will or will not happen, but its possible. I can't say what the likiness or probability of that happening is. Lets even say its a low probability. I know my best option is to try to move forward and if she comes back, then great. It's just tough to.

[maxalton]

she does not know what she wants, imo, or who

 

she sounds a bit giddy, too young, even immature, you will not see logic in her, just more merry-go-round confusion

 

 

Its funny you say that because all of that is true about her (except for the too young part)

[maxalton]

Relationship coaches and so on are great when you are in a relationship with issues or have someone that is interested in you and you might need a little help due to inexperience. The key is that the OTHER person must be somewhat interested in you. If your birthday goes by without anything, then I suggest that you work on moving forward. You never know, months down the road once you are indifferent, she may contact you again and THEN you might be ready to reconnect. From what I hear, it's best it happens a ways down the road with NC and time to truly move on and learn from the past.

 

Thanks for your reply. He's given advice for people who have been dumped/frendzoned/blown off in the past. Some of his viewers have even sent emails about girls who have friendzoned/blown them off in the past coming back after a period of no contact (a few months to a year usually.) Obviously I'd like the same result.

 

 

The reason Im a bit more unsure if she'll reach out for my birthday is because I didnt reach out on hers. I was trying to preserve my dignity by not reaching out because towards the end of us talking (months ago) I was the one being needy and chasing her while she was going cold. So I didn't reach out just out of self-respect. And I have a feeling she may feel this is a "bitter silence" between us. Maybe that's my imagination. Maybe not. But it definitely will be interesting to see if she reaches out for my birthday. Obviously it would be the perfect excuse for her to contact me. But Im trying hard not to get my hopes too high. I agree, if she doesn't reach out on my birthday, then I'll really have to make strides towards moving forward, unfortunately. And yeah maybe down the road she'll reach out. Never know. Especially with her, she's kind of crazy. She's had a rough and wild life so I don't think anything is off the table with her. But we'll see.

[ExpatInItaly]

Let's looks at this from the other side of the coin:

 

I have wished exes a happy birthday, to be kind. It didn't necessarily mean I wanted to reconcile. (Actually, it never meant that) They were once important people in my life, so I didn't see it as anything other than the same greeting I would extend any other friend. I have had the same on my own birthday from a couple of different ex-boyfriends.

 

So, let's say she does drop you a birthday greeting. What are you planning to do next? You have to keep in mind it may not mean she wants to date you again. What do you envision as your next step if she contacts you?

 

Also, further to my question about why you never went exclusive - it is significant that she didn't stop dating others while seeing you. You are absolutely correct that there is nothing wrong with her having played the field and dated around. But ask yourself this: when was the last time you continued seeing other girls when you met someone you were really interested in? I am assuming the subject of exclusivity came up in conversation at some point, so how did she react?

 

Also, what exactly happened when you say she blew you off and friend-zoned you? Did she just gradually stop talking to you, or?

[maxalton]

Relationship coaches and so on are great when you are in a relationship with issues or have someone that is interested in you and you might need a little help due to inexperience. The key is that the OTHER person must be somewhat interested in you. If your birthday goes by without anything, then I suggest that you work on moving forward. You never know, months down the road once you are indifferent, she may contact you again and THEN you might be ready to reconnect. From what I hear, it's best it happens a ways down the road with NC and time to truly move on and learn from the past.

 

 

 

Update:

 

 

She did end up messaging me happy birthday. After several months of not speaking, she told me happy birthday (even though I ignored her birthday a few months ago because she's the one who pushed me away, I wasnt going to be a doormat and reach out a few months later with "happy birthday!!") I havent replied to her greeting yet. I really didn't think she would say happy birthday because of the fact that she started becoming cold/distant and started to pull the fading-out act several months ago. Until she flatout "dumped me/blew me off" once I chased her for a couple months. We were never in an offical relationship with eachother, but we considered eachother good friends (or FWB, whatever you want to call it.) After six months of me leaving her alone and letting her date other guys (or whatever she's been doing) she broke the silence a few days ago with a happy birthday greeting.

 

 

Personally I wouldn't send somebody even a simple happy birthday message whom I pushed away and blew off several months before, unless I had some kind of alterior motive behind it. Whether that was me wanting to stick my finger in the water or maybe trying to gauge their current interest level. Of course, the other possibility is that she's just being "friendly" as some on here have suggested. I know everybody's different, but im just saying I PERSONALLY wouldnt wish somebody a happy birthday months later after blowing them off (especially when they didnt reach out on my birthday.) She's just being nice? Where was her kindness several months ago when she became cold/distant and faded away on me?

 

 

Im not a mind-reader so I cant say for sure what this signals. But even you signaled to me that if I didnt hear from her on that day, that's when I "really" should move on. Well I did hear from her and here I am now. Still not trying to act too eager with her or anything because Im pretty sure that was my problem our first time around

[dumbass2]

First thing. I know you said you'd like to get back with her. You know you stand a very very high chance of getting hurt even worse a second time. You mentioned how she has a lot of guys around her and can have her pick. You were jealous a lot back then. Do you honestly feel that those same jealous feelings wouldn't come back if you started dating again with all those guys around? Be honest with yourself and if the answer is not a resounding NO I would never be jealous again, then continue on.

 

"She's just being nice? Where was her kindness several months ago when she became cold/distant and faded away on me?"

 

more than likely she's just curious. It's a selfish thing. Your birthday probably popped up on something and she said, "what the heck, let's see if he's still there"

 

I would not reply to that, but if you did, I think you would be okay with just replying "Thanks" and that's it. "Happy birthday" by itself is meaningless. You mirror her text. She said nothing personal. Didn't go like "Hey ____ Miss you and just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and hope things are going well". She did the very basic that people even do to just acquaintances. You don't want to open up that can of worms. She can if she wants, but not you. You reply just "Thanks" and that's it, it's probably more than she is expecting and if she wants to go any further, then she needs to be more forthcoming. You've done your part in cracking the door by just replying.

 

Again, you have to ask yourself, will it really be worth the trouble?

[RocketQueen]

Hi, I justified a lot of my ex's behaviour with the 'I personally wouldn't do *insert appropriate action* if I didn't care' he got away with some shady/sketchy contact/bs thanks to my warped logic.

 

You're talking from the perspective of the dumpee, we're a different breed than the dumper.

 

I love a happy ending, I hung on for almost 18 months hopeful that mine would come, I will eagerly encourage anyone to go for it if the signs seem positive but i agree with the other posters, if she can have you on social media, wish you a happy birthday etc you're now just someone that she used to know or a 'friend' at best.

 

Of course, you could also respond in a way that is natural to you and not from the Coach Corey handbook and see what transpires, you're never going to know if you do not respond.

 

I'm a hopeless romantic and always try to see the best in people and their intentions but at 40 yrs old have finally put my big girl pants on and realised not everyone is quite as black and white with their actions as I'd like to believe.

 

Good luck

[LitTunnel]

A bro, I follow Corey Wayne as well. Read his book twice. The guy indeed is legit. And I know this because I've seen and read pretty much all the other so called "relationship experts" online. I even did a couple of the things they suggest fresh off my breakup which worked totally against me sadly.

 

Corey Wayne's work on the other hand definitely intrigues me because I had a pretty nasty breakup due to my beta behavior and was in desperate search to figure out myself. I, unfortunately, found him after the poopoo hit the fan so it was too late with my ex and I at that point but looking back at my ex relationship, boy-oh-boy, did I make plentiful shameful mistakes. It's been 7 months now since the breakup and close to 4 months of NC but I'm still struggling to forget her man. Hell, it's been almost impossible, mostly due to the fact that I regret so bad how I acted towards the end and lost a beautiful woman:(

 

Corey Wayne indeed helped me to regain my confidence because I learned what was the cause of my downfall but it hasn't helped me get back my ex, that's for sure, because she has exhibited no behaviors indicating she wants to reconcile at all. She probably still thinks I'm the old me. I was blocked from her fb for several months and just recently she unblocked me but I get the feeling it's not due to the fact that she wants to reconcile but more that she is indifferent, which is sad. All I truly want is to have dialogue but I will never break NC unless she contacts me first, which is most likely slim to none.

 

Now, as far as your situation is concern this is what I'm getting. You're obsessed with your ex. Trust me, I know because that's how I feel now too. What's going through your mind daily is her. I bet all you're doing is thinking about your mistakes and how you could've done different and it's literally haunting you, wishing you could turn back time and doing it over. You're beating yourself over it too I bet and it's eating you up inside. You're probably also thinking of all the guys she's with, having sex with, kissing, having fun with, guys looking into her beautiful eyes while being penetrated and it burns you up inside. Even if it's for a split second something in your brain triggers, it's called anxiety.

 

Oh man, it hits the feels, I know the feeling.

 

But bro, listen. It's not that she was out of your league, just like my ex I believe she wasn't out of my league, but the fact that you and I are simply too insecure, probably mostly due to our upbringing and bad habits we picked up over the many years through social conditioning. This is what we need to work on most. Us. I've certainly come a long way. Yes, I still obsess over my ex but I know now without a shred of doubt that I will never, ever be the old me ever again. The old me is dead. I vowed myself this. I will never, ever put myself in a weak, unattractive position ever again. I'm going to do my part, as a man, to make sure my woman is happy, as much as possible, that way, she'll not need an excuse, ever, to go elsewhere, but to do this you and I MUST reach a point where we're absolutely confident that we won't behave like the past us ever again but in order to do this we must always be cognizant of our actions.

 

We must continually say to ourselves "Is what I'm about to do or say going to make me look good or bad in her eyes?" We MUST give our woman her space. We must make confident decisions. Speak to them if they feel down and raise their spirits when they need it. We must show them we care, but not to the point where it's annoying. We must listen, most importantly. Listen to them and watch their body language and make sure we pick-up on the subtle cues they're sending us and make necessary adjustments in order to make them feel safe and loved again if for some reason they're off balance. And it will happen, we'll make mistakes, we're human. I'm not saying that we act like robots or anything just saying that this should all come out naturally and with genuine love and affection. And even if for some reason your future lover decides to leave you, for whatever crazy reason, you can sleep comfortable at night knowing she'll most likely never find someone better because you did your part. And you know what that means? They'll eventually come crawling back.

 

But look, Just make sure to work on yourself bro. I know the emptiness of her being absent from your life is a frigging' nightmare at this point in your life because I can tell you want her bad, but bro, you must be patient and try to work on yourself first and foremost. It's hard. Trust me, I know. It's hard. I can't get my ex off my mind because I still continuously replay my past mistakes and beating myself up for it but at this point there is simply NOTHING I can do about it anymore because what's done is done. Just like you.

 

And believe me, our breakup was waaaaaaaaaay worse than yours. You at least stand a much better chance at reconciling with her but you can never contact her. Ever. And you know perfectly well why. She must contact you and I think you know this but I get the feeling you're getting really tempted at replying to your birthday comment. I will have to agree with the rest, she probably just did it to be nice because usually those birthday notifications are the first thing that pop up on your screen when you log into fb and so she probably just thought you are a cool guy and messaged you just to be considerate and thoughtful. I mean at least we know she thought of you and isn't bitter towards you so that's a great sign.

 

So just play it cool man. Reply "thanks" and leave it at that. That's it! Meanwhile, keep working on yourself. Post some cool pics of you on fb. Show some pics of you with other woman, if possible, working out, whatever, just so as long as it's something positive but under no circumstances you should contact her in any other way. You'll guarantee rejection. I know these are kind of immature tactics but I can tell you're really into her and you would like another chance so at least this gives you a slight increase in odds that her attraction level may start to rise over time. After all, she'll for sure see it because I take it she's still your fb friend? So you have a major advantage here bro. Who knows man, maybe down the line she'll shock you and give you a call. Just try not to get your hopes up too high. Date other woman meantime and just be cool. Nothing more, nothing less. Be a 3% man!!! haha:)

 

Look, woman are indeed like cats. Then, and only then, when they want to be loved they will come to us but to do this we must give them their space.

 

Until then, good luck brotha!

[Kamila]

I disagree with 'keeping people on social media whom i'm not interested in'. There is always a level of interest.

 

The people I keep on social media are the ones whom have a positive influence on me. That positive vibe surpasses the pain and hurt that they might have caused.

 

I have deleted an ex a couple of years ago, because I couldn't stand his new girlfriend. I really tried to make a go of the 'let's be friends'. But no, it was too hard.

 

Another ex has stayed on my social media, because the break-up ended friendly. And before we started dating we were friends for 2 years.

 

Now, there is someone whom i've left on my social media. We'll he's added me after he's asked me to add him multiple times. I never did and he got sick of it and finally added me. I don't really know what to do with that guy Anyway, it's just an example of 'grey area'.

 

And like previous posters wrote, I also disagree, no relationship is 'black and white', 'go or no go', or 'lover or friend'. Things can evolve through friendship. Maybe that girl you talk about is dating around and learning who she is. The relationship she's working on today is the one she has with herself. My gut feeling of why she kept you on social media is because she doesn't know what to do. The only thing you can do is live your life and not really bother about her like she's doing. Have really low expectations about her. Don't cling to her, let her come to you.

[jamili]

OP, and Lit Tunnel, you guys make relationships seem like wayyy too much work. Why do you have to change who you are at your core to get a relationship to work? This whole acting beta/walking on eggshells/having to overthink everything you say to not appear beta sounds like a nightmare of a charade to keep up. Why not just be 100% yourself and find a girl who likes you for you, instead becoming this kind of man you are told you should become in order to attract a certain woman who isnt attracted to the real you?

 

It just seems so unnatural to me. Ive never heard of someone having to put sooooo much effort into preveting a girl from "leaving him because you're too beta". That's insane, man. Im not saying to act like a little bitch, im saying just be yourself, have a pretty standard level of confidence in yourself that most people should have regardless if emotionally healthy, and act 100% as your normally would - especially while dating, and especially if your goal is to find a life partner.

 

Imagine your trick works and you can pull the charade off, manage to overthink every single you do in order to give off this artificial "corey-wayne-style-alpha" presence and it works. Lets say you get this girl because of this. Now, ask yourself, do you want to do this for the rest of your life, trying to uphold this image you have created in order to stop her from leaving you? Wouldn't you rather just relax and be yourself and just meet someone who you can do that with and not have to live a freaking stressful life ???

[elaine567]

Imagine your trick works and you can pull the charade off, manage to overthink every single you do in order to give off this artificial "corey-wayne-style-alpha" presence and it works. Lets say you get this girl because of this. Now, ask yourself, do you want to do this for the rest of your life, trying to uphold this image you have created in order to stop her from leaving you?

 

Exactly.

Totally nonsensical.

She will eventually find out who you really are, and then leave anyway.

Best to find a woman who loves you for you, warts and all.

[LitTunnel]

OP, and Lit Tunnel, you guys make relationships seem like wayyy too much work. Why do you have to change who you are at your core to get a relationship to work? This whole acting beta/walking on eggshells/having to overthink everything you say to not appear beta sounds like a nightmare of a charade to keep up. Why not just be 100% yourself and find a girl who likes you for you, instead becoming this kind of man you are told you should become in order to attract a certain woman who isnt attracted to the real you?

 

It just seems so unnatural to me. Ive never heard of someone having to put sooooo much effort into preveting a girl from "leaving him because you're too beta". That's insane, man. Im not saying to act like a little bitch, im saying just be yourself, have a pretty standard level of confidence in yourself that most people should have regardless if emotionally healthy, and act 100% as your normally would - especially while dating, and especially if your goal is to find a life partner.

 

Imagine your trick works and you can pull the charade off, manage to overthink every single you do in order to give off this artificial "corey-wayne-style-alpha" presence and it works. Lets say you get this girl because of this. Now, ask yourself, do you want to do this for the rest of your life, trying to uphold this image you have created in order to stop her from leaving you? Wouldn't you rather just relax and be yourself and just meet someone who you can do that with and not have to live a freaking stressful life ???

 

Dude, you clearly have me completely misunderstood. This always happens on these types of forums and it's so dam frustrating because people take what you're saying and totally assume something else. I wish I could make my point in person because it would make more sense but obviously this can't happen so...

 

Look, the bottom line is we're all here because most, if not all of us, were dumped. This includes you and me. So obviously we did something wrong during the course of our previous relationship and if we can't figure out what those mistakes were then it will happen again. Guaranteed. I sure as heck won't let that happen again, even if that means I must investigate the underlying issue because I sure as heck didn't see the problems before the breakup. And now that I've had plenty of time to reflect and educate I'm much, much more confident in my future behaviors.

 

It's not about me being all stiff, forced, weird, obvious, fake, confusing, too much work or ANY of that stuff. It's about confidence. It's about taking charge. It's about being in the moment. It's about being romantic. It's about communication. It's about being loving. It's about knowing that life is too short to not be happy. Really, it's about loving life, regardless of the stress of everyday relationships.

 

And again, just to repeat so this post too doesn't get all twisted and misunderstood all this should be done from the heart in a genuine and loving way is all I'm saying. But, I know, this is going to come back with another reply that I'm this and that. To each there own. I still love you all.

 

Happy New Years and wish you all nothing but the very best and happy and healthy relationships!!!