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Why has she kept me on Facebook/Instagram? Will she reach out?


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Old 5th December 2016, 11:48 AM   #1
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Why has she kept me on Facebook/Instagram? Will she reach out?

Several months ago, I was dating this girl. I really started falling for her. I've dated plenty of girls and felt no real connection with many of them. She was different and there something intangible about her. (Which is why I hate when people say "move on move on move on." Thankfully, since I'm on a Second Chances forum, I feel I'm on a forum where I won't hear much of that because I think a lot of people here are like-minded people.)

Over the course of months, me and her became close with eachother. She acknowledged our closeness on a couple different occasions. (So I know at the time, the feeling was mutual.) We were never official. Our relationship with eachother went in tailspin and she essentially friendzoned and blew me off. I know of her past boyfriends and know that they were real alpha-type guys and looking back, I see I was just being too weak, needy, and not masculine enough. (Of course, she never said any of this to me.) It's not me wanting to change who I am to appease her, I just realize now that I acted too weak and not masculine enough. Which I've since learned is a recipe for failure when dating (most) women. There's a reason she likes masculine, confident, alpha guys. So she blew me off basically. I was acting too weak, jealous, and needy at that particular time (I believe so.) I wasn't acting like a guy who was in-demand with other women. I let my neediness and scarcity mindset hone in on her and she knew it. She knew she had me wrapped around her finger. I believe the last straw was when I got jealous through text when I found out she invited somebody else to be her date for her sister's wedding. She has a lot of guys in her life, therefore she has a lot of choices with men. (Nothing wrong with that.) Looking back, me acting weak like that could've done NO good for me. And it didn't. I acted weak etc. and then my anxiety-stricken behavior at that moment caused me to be forceful with her because I wanted to get together with her and talk about it. But I said it in a demanding, forceful way. And she said "Yes we're close but don't say ______, that will just push me away more if anything."

I've since found dating/relationship Coach Corey Wayne's work on Youtube and binge-watched countless videos of his. I realized how weak I looked. On top of being a weak, needy, beta-male, he mentions how women will leave you if they feel like they're losing their freedom, which I definitely think she was feeling. In all likeliness, after she pushed me aside, she was probably hanging out with other guys who weren't acting like a needy beta-male like I was. I knew she was turned off by me and there was very little for me to do other than to just walk away and if she comes back, then great.

It's been 4-5 months now of no contact between us. I know she's been doing her thing in the meantime. She still follows me on Facebook/Instagram. I know when things ended stale with guys in her past, she would delete them from her life (including social media.) So why has she kept me? Was it so she wouldn't feel like the badguy? She already did the dirty work months ago so if she's afraid of hurting my feelings, Im pretty sure it's too late for that. Or does she not want to delete me because she knows she might revist things in the future? Or does she not care/wants to act like she doesnt care? She actively uses social media and I know that she doesn't follow a ton of people on Instagram so the fact that she's kept me on there makes me wonder if she's open to the possibility of reconciling at some point.

Her birthday was in September and it was a tough decision for me to reach out to her and say happy birthday as a way to reopen the lines of communication, or to let her be (because she's ultimately the one who walked away from me.) I decided to save my dignity and not reach out on her birthday. Now, my birthday is in a couple of weeks and I'm wondering if she's going to send me a happy birthday text or say happy birthday to me on Facebook. She can be stubborn so I'm wondering if she has wanted to reach out to me, but never had it in her to do so. Obviously, my birthday would be a perfect excuse for her to reach out to me. I want to see her again so bad (and obviously modify my behavior this time) and I know it's risky, but I'm really hoping to hear from her on my birthday. Obviously the risk is high considering we haven't talked in months, I didn't reach out to her on her birthday, etc. I'm just hoping this no-contact I've been applying will cause her to see a strong, non-needy side of myself. I know I should carry on with my life in the mean-time and if she comes back, then great. But I can't stop these flood of thoughts I have of her everyday. And deep down I refuse to give up hope. I know I'm playing with fire but it's something I'm choosing to do head-on.

In closing, what are your gut-feelings on why she kept me on social media and is there a chance she'll reach out on my birthday?
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Old 5th December 2016, 11:56 AM   #2
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My thoughts are you are trying to modify who you are so a girl who is not interested in you will all of a sudden be interested. Not how it works.

FYI those online "tutorials" on how to pick up chicks are just money making schemes. They don't work and are total BS.

She didn't delete you because your presence online never bothered her. This is most telling because most people can't stand to see people they want to be with online when they are sad without them.

She isn't into you and you are wasting way too much time and energy chasing her.

Time to forget about this one and move on.
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Old 5th December 2016, 2:19 PM   #3
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My thoughts are you are trying to modify who you are so a girl who is not interested in you will all of a sudden be interested. Not how it works.

FYI those online "tutorials" on how to pick up chicks are just money making schemes. They don't work and are total BS.

She didn't delete you because your presence online never bothered her. This is most telling because most people can't stand to see people they want to be with online when they are sad without them.

She isn't into you and you are wasting way too much time and energy chasing her.

Time to forget about this one and move on.
Exactly.

Whenever I've kept an ex or former fling around on social media, it was because I wasn't at all affected by seeing their lives or updates. Meaning, there were no feelings left.

You're grasping at straws, OP. She isn't interested.
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Old 5th December 2016, 3:08 PM   #4
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My thoughts are you are trying to modify who you are so a girl who is not interested in you will all of a sudden be interested. Not how it works.

FYI those online "tutorials" on how to pick up chicks are just money making schemes. They don't work and are total BS.

She didn't delete you because your presence online never bothered her. This is most telling because most people can't stand to see people they want to be with online when they are sad without them.

She isn't into you and you are wasting way too much time and energy chasing her.

Time to forget about this one and move on.
Corey Wayne isn't a pickup artist. He's a dating/relationship/life coach. He has thousands of youtube videos and he answers emails from viewers in each video. Check out the reviews for his book on amazon. His work is pretty intriguing actually if you care to look. He's far from a pickup artist.


And I was just asking the possible reasons she didnt delete me. Obviously if she walked away from me,she wouldnt be the one deleting me because "she cant stand to see the one she wants to be with, be without them."


The way you say "she isnt into you move on" makes it sound like I never had a chance with this girl. This isnt some girl I never had a chance with. We dated/saw eachother over the course of several months and developed chemistry with eachother. Yes, I floundered and she turned cold on me, but the way you put is like saying "ah shes not interested." She LOST interest in me, it's not that she was never interested.


I know there are two types of people when it comes to rekindling a broken relationship. There's the "Forget it and move on" type of people and there's the people who look at the situation and see what actions to take and the probability of rekindling things. You're obviously the "move on" type. I was expecting to hear a lot of that. Not that I agree with your perspective, but I appreciate it.

Last edited by maxalton; 5th December 2016 at 3:11 PM..
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Old 5th December 2016, 3:13 PM   #5
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Exactly.

Whenever I've kept an ex or former fling around on social media, it was because I wasn't at all affected by seeing their lives or updates. Meaning, there were no feelings left.

You're grasping at straws, OP. She isn't interested.
I wasnt grasping at anything. If you read my post, one of the possible reasons I listed for her keeping me was "or does she just not care?" It's all speculation what the true reason is for her keeping me on facebook/instagram, and only she knows that. I was just looking for some insight and perspective. I appreciate your input anyway.
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Old 5th December 2016, 3:48 PM   #6
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Relationship coaches and so on are great when you are in a relationship with issues or have someone that is interested in you and you might need a little help due to inexperience. The key is that the OTHER person must be somewhat interested in you. If your birthday goes by without anything, then I suggest that you work on moving forward. You never know, months down the road once you are indifferent, she may contact you again and THEN you might be ready to reconnect. From what I hear, it's best it happens a ways down the road with NC and time to truly move on and learn from the past.
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Old 5th December 2016, 3:48 PM   #7
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Corey Wayne isn't a pickup artist. He's a dating/relationship/life coach. He has thousands of youtube videos and he answers emails from viewers in each video. Check out the reviews for his book on amazon. His work is pretty intriguing actually if you care to look. He's far from a pickup artist.

And I was just asking the possible reasons she didnt delete me. Obviously if she walked away from me,she wouldnt be the one deleting me because "she cant stand to see the one she wants to be with, be without them."

The way you say "she isnt into you move on" makes it sound like I never had a chance with this girl. This isnt some girl I never had a chance with. We dated/saw eachother over the course of several months and developed chemistry with eachother. Yes, I floundered and she turned cold on me, but the way you put is like saying "ah shes not interested." She LOST interest in me, it's not that she was never interested.


I know there are two types of people when it comes to rekindling a broken relationship. There's the "Forget it and move on" type of people and there's the people who look at the situation and see what actions to take and the probability of rekindling things. You're obviously the "move on" type. I was expecting to hear a lot of that. Not that I agree with your perspective, but I appreciate it.

Ugh sorry Corey Wayne is a glorified pick up artist who thrives off people like you. His theories are just what pumps hopes into people who don't know how to navigate the world of relationships alone.

And no, I am not the "move on" type. I am all about love and second chances but you never even had a FIRST chance. If you did you would have been together. She wasn't interested then and she isn't now. A second chance on someone who friend zoned you is not going to happen. That's why I said "move on".

She wouldnt have lost interest if you did have a chance.

Sorry you don't like or agree with my reply, but it's the truth no matter how painful it is to hear.

But by all means....try Coreys way for a few more months and come back and let us know how it went.
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Old 5th December 2016, 4:14 PM   #8
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I've tried to watch several of Wayne's videos and just cannot make it through any of them. So long, drawn-out and filled with cliches. He seems like an OK guy, but I can't say I've come away with any new insights after watching any of his videos.

He's not nearly as cringe-worthy as some of the other big wigs in the PUA community, but so much of his stuff seems like corny nonsense that seems plausible in theory but would usually come across as totally lame in practice, especially executed by the types of guys earnestly devouring the information from his videos.
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Old 6th December 2016, 3:36 AM   #9
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She really likes you OP. That's why she's never dated you, specifically told you that you'll never date and doesn't speak to you. Her way of making it obvious is to not block you on her social media.
Come on man what are u doing here. I feel like you are the type of guy who won't listen to any advice that he doesn't want to hear. Which is why u don't listen to what she is telling you.
If you were an alpha guy you would have moved on a long time ago. And she would be blocked on all platforms.
Stop this
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Old 6th December 2016, 8:21 AM   #10
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I wasnt grasping at anything. If you read my post, one of the possible reasons I listed for her keeping me was "or does she just not care?" It's all speculation what the true reason is for her keeping me on facebook/instagram, and only she knows that. I was just looking for some insight and perspective. I appreciate your input anyway.
Yes, I read your post. I saw your list of reasons. And I maintain my position that she really just isn't interested in you anymore. That is my perspective.

And I still believe you are grasping, because you yourself said: you were never exclusive (why is that, anyway?), she blew you off, friendzoned you, and hasn't spoken to you for months. There are no indications here that she has any feelings for you anymore.

I'm sorry as I know it's not what you want to hear, but I can only conclude that she moved on a while ago. Use Corey Wayne's "techniques" if you want, but I don't think you're going to get the desired results.
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Old 6th December 2016, 8:39 AM   #11
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she does not know what she wants, imo, or who

she sounds a bit giddy, too young, even immature, you will not see logic in her, just more merry-go-round confusion
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Old 6th December 2016, 2:00 PM   #12
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Ugh sorry Corey Wayne is a glorified pick up artist who thrives off people like you. His theories are just what pumps hopes into people who don't know how to navigate the world of relationships alone.

And no, I am not the "move on" type. I am all about love and second chances but you never even had a FIRST chance. If you did you would have been together. She wasn't interested then and she isn't now. A second chance on someone who friend zoned you is not going to happen. That's why I said "move on".

She wouldnt have lost interest if you did have a chance.

Sorry you don't like or agree with my reply, but it's the truth no matter how painful it is to hear.

But by all means....try Coreys way for a few more months and come back and let us know how it went.
I just said he wasn't a pickup artist. His theories pump hope into people who cant navigate relationships alone? I guess we all wish we could have a relationship as great as yours right?


She wasn't interested in me THEN? So you think she was just seeing me to kill some time? She's a busy person and has people in her life, I highly doubt she would've been hanging out with me just to "kill the time."


And I think that's false that people who get "friendzoned" don't get second chances. I've read dozens of stories in the past on forums about people who have been friendzoned or "lets just be friends" eventually getting another chance at some point down the road. Not saying that will or will not happen for me, but to say it doesn't happen is false.


"She wouldnt have lost interest if you had a chance." Not sure what that even means. People who are interested in somebody else can get turned off by their behavior. Especially if that person has alot of options, they're not going to tolerate somebody who's not acting like a man. This is what I've realized during my time of self-reflection during no contact.


Im not trying to sit here and defend myself or my case, Im really not, but I think there are flaws in your logic. I know it's not a good sign that we haven't talked in months. Im aware of this. A post like dumbass2 made would've been sufficent enough. As I said in my original reply to you, thanks for your insight.

Last edited by maxalton; 6th December 2016 at 2:05 PM..
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Old 6th December 2016, 2:16 PM   #13
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She really likes you OP. That's why she's never dated you, specifically told you that you'll never date and doesn't speak to you. Her way of making it obvious is to not block you on her social media.
Come on man what are u doing here. I feel like you are the type of guy who won't listen to any advice that he doesn't want to hear. Which is why u don't listen to what she is telling you.
If you were an alpha guy you would have moved on a long time ago. And she would be blocked on all platforms.
Stop this
When did I say she never dated me? We MET through dating. We originally met eachother off of a dating website. And when did I say she said she'll never date me?


Has nothing to do with "not listening to advice I dont want to hear." Im aware Im not in an ideal position in my situation. But most of the time all you ever hear is "move on move move on" it gets pretty tedious. All I was doing was pointing out fallicies in her response to me.


Obviously Im not in an ideal spot, but you two are just talking like "NO THE DOOR IS FOREVER CLOSED. DONE. OVER. FOREVER. DONE."


Block her? Had I done that she would've KNOWN that she "won" and that she affected me.


Im aware my best option is to (try to) move on and if she eventually comes back, then great. If she doesn't, I already began moving on. It's hard for me to because I think of her alot.
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Old 6th December 2016, 2:31 PM   #14
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Yes, I read your post. I saw your list of reasons. And I maintain my position that she really just isn't interested in you anymore. That is my perspective.

And I still believe you are grasping, because you yourself said: you were never exclusive (why is that, anyway?), she blew you off, friendzoned you, and hasn't spoken to you for months. There are no indications here that she has any feelings for you anymore.

I'm sorry as I know it's not what you want to hear, but I can only conclude that she moved on a while ago. Use Corey Wayne's "techniques" if you want, but I don't think you're going to get the desired results.
Not interested in me ANYMORE. Yes I agree with that. She obviously lost interest in me.


She's dated alot of guys. When she was seeing me, she was also dating other guys for a period of time. (Not that there's anything wrong with playing the field.) She can be a bit promiscuous when she's single and dating. Again, nothing wrong with that. Just because she never got exclusive with all of them doesn't mean she didn't like any of them. Obviously the situation with me right now is different, but Im just answering your question.


It has happened before where people get dumped, friendzoned, blown off, whatever you want to call it, and after some period of time, the person comes back. (And you get to show that person a reformed version of yourself. Confident, masculine, non-needy.) Not saying that will or will not happen, but its possible. I can't say what the likiness or probability of that happening is. Lets even say its a low probability. I know my best option is to try to move forward and if she comes back, then great. It's just tough to.
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Old 6th December 2016, 2:32 PM   #15
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she does not know what she wants, imo, or who

she sounds a bit giddy, too young, even immature, you will not see logic in her, just more merry-go-round confusion

Its funny you say that because all of that is true about her (except for the too young part)
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