Jump to content

Hungout with my ex-boyfriend twice and now


Recommended Posts

My ex boyfriend and I were in a relationship for about 5 years (on/off) I broke up with my ex boyfriend two times. The first time was two years ago. After the first break up I realized we broke up for nothing and for the smallest arguments ever and wanted him back and he agreed to giving our relationship another shot. However, I broke up with him again for the second time two months ago because I couldn't see a future with him (he is almost 23 years old and still didn't transfer out to a college/university I'm about to graduate this year from a UC and I'm turning 22) He seems like all he cares about is partying and socializing with other people. I think guys without a goal set for himself to be attractive....So I guess I kinda slowly fell out of love with him. I also felt like he wasn't putting enough effort into our relationship as well.

 

After I told him why I couldn't see a future with him anymore he agreed to the breakup and didn't even fight for it. Ever since the break up we met up twice. First time to return both of our stuffs to each other (I had a lot of his clothes and he had a lot of mine). We went out for drinks and dinner after a month of not seeing each other. He insisted on paying for the dinner...which made it seemed like a date... During our "hangout" that night he kept telling me how he is a lot more focused on school and his work now. How he is trying to get financially stable again and he kept bragging how he is doing better or he is changing....honestly it made me kind of mad because it upsets me that me breaking up with him finally made him realized that he needs to change not only for us but for himself...like why can't he figure that out while we are still dating? It upsets me because I brought this up so many times too and actually communicated about it to him.

He was giving me mixed signals the whole night and even though the dinner went very well and we were laughing at the old memories it was so painful at the end of it all...neither of us wanted to go on our separate ways. I brought up the idea of getting back together but he became super upset and I felt like he was pressured. I immediately dropped the topic after seeing him getting upset...because I realized I must have broke his heart twice and he probably have trust issues with me...and is still hurt. I was so devastated for a week and I felt like I was back where I started after the breakup...being depressed & lonely.

 

Now after another 3 weeks we both met up again for lunch and going to a shooting range...I really don't know what we are doing. I don't even know if this is a friend date or a real date. He paid for food again...even though I suggested to pay for half of it....afterwards I paid for the shooting range fees and to be honest WE BOTH agreed that we had an amazing/fun time together.... there were a lot of flirting...alot of catching up...This time however neither of us really brought up the topic of our break up/getting back together or to just stay as friends. We both said "if you want to hang out with me then lets hangout and do something fun" and "we should go with the flow and see how things go" I feel like we are both testing the water right now to see if we can give this "new relationship" another try or not...

 

During these two hangouts or whatever you guys want to call it...we both flirted with each other like no other..but we both refrained from kissing or having any other sexual contact.

 

I feel like deep down I want him back again because this second break up made me realized that he is actually changing and that if we maybe start of on another clean slate this new relationship will be better and stronger than our last one. I felt like the first time when we broke up we got back together too fast without changing anything and it wasn't a clean slate. What should I do? Should I keep talking to him/hanging out with him and go on more "dates" with him or should I just let him go? Do you guys think he's just as confused as me or he wants to get back together but is just too afraid to tell me because he is scared of rejection from me once again? Do you guys think we both miss each other or just the idea of having someone we feel so comfortable around with all the time?

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's been two months.

 

He hasn't changed in two months.

 

You don't go from being a certain way, to grown up in 60 days, ESPECIALLY at 23 years old.

 

And to be fair to him, him hanging out with his friends and "just having fun" is what 23 year old's do.

 

If you want someone more mature, more goal oriented, with more of a "career" or "future" going for him, aim for older men. At 23, he's roughly around 20/21 maturity wise. IE: He's not.

 

On/Off relationships also don't work. It shows dysfunction and an inability to communicate effectively, and work through problems correctly.

 

Obviously you two have sexual chemistry, but beyond that, it doesn't seem like he has what you're looking for at this time. I'd say it's more comfort oriented at this point.

 

He could have been "shocked" into making some changes, but if they were only to get you back, his "new self" won't last and he'll easily slip back into his old, and true ways once he has you back.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...