Jump to content

Rejecting her offer of a friendship...


holycity61

Recommended Posts

So long story short my GF of a year broke it off with me out of the blue about three months ago. Both of us 22 and were planning on a future together. Got along great and loved spending time with each other, we were the model couple everyone loved to see. She gave me many wishy-washy reasons for the break and none of them lined up. Ultimately she smacked me with the classic "lost feelings" and did it to be fair to the both of us. Not even a week after our split she started dating a guy that she's been friends with for three years and always claimed him to be like "an older brother". She said she went to him for advice over our relationship shortly after she told me she wanted to break-up so it really all became clear to me what was really going on after I found out they were together. Needless to say I was devastated, but I've been holding onto NC pretty strong. Its been helping me get over the sudden break.

 

Recently she's been throwing me breadcrumbs in an attempt to make contact. One was asking for a blender back, the other was asking me if I wanted a very expensive ring back I gave her for her birthday (which I told her to sell if she didn't want it), and the other was asking if I remembered the password to her wifi at her house. Each time I responded very short and stern replies which she took as me being rude and immature. Each breadcrumb was followed up with a "I don't understand why we cant be friends..."

 

I finally broke and explained to her after her latest attempt that I cant be her friend now, that she cut me too deep and I need more time to heal before I even think about a friendship with her. She got very angry but then said we should talk in order to help me heal. I told her I didn't want to deal with this now out of respect for the both of us. She said she had a lot to say but she since has been quiet, which is good for me because I am not holding my breath over her trying to reconcile. What I want to know is why she has been so persistent on the friend thing and why she just wont leave me alone when she is still with the other guy. Its the biggest slap to the face to offer the guy you were dating a "friendship" while you're with the guy you left him for...

Link to post
Share on other sites

In a word?

 

GUILT.

 

She's desperate for you to forgive her, be her buddy and accept her back into your life.

 

The bottom line is that she in all probability not only lied to you but cheated as well.

And she knows it was a bad move.

Deceitful.

Not nice at all.

 

But here's the deal - you talk to her, be her friend, and get back on level-pegging socially - and she MUST be off the hook - right?

I mean, if you're her friend, you can't still be mad at her.

Right?

 

If I may say so, your biggest mistake was even taking any notice of her breadcrumbs, let alone responding to them.

The question is never, ever, "Why do they say/do this, that or the other?"

 

The big question is "Why did you respond?"

 

Why have you not blocked and deleted?

Why can she still get in touch with you?

You should have cut off all and every means of communication from day one....

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Yep, could be guilt. It could also be because she's completely selfish and oblivious as to how her wants and desires effect others.

 

You're doing the right thing by turning her away.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Block her number.

I went through a similar situation and from experience once I blocked communication it was so much easier.

And she ended up getting mad about it.

Your ex will not leave you alone fully until you block ALL forms of communication.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Marco Valerio

99% chances she cheated on you. Exile her from your life. Do you really want someone who will betray you? Who doesn't respect you?

Erase her from your life, that's the smart choice.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If she dated a man a week after-she cheated on you.

If she contacts you again say sure I need friends who screw me over and then never talk to her again.

Link to post
Share on other sites
In a word?

 

GUILT.

 

She's desperate for you to forgive her, be her buddy and accept her back into your life.

 

The bottom line is that she in all probability not only lied to you but cheated as well.

And she knows it was a bad move.

Deceitful.

Not nice at all.

 

But here's the deal - you talk to her, be her friend, and get back on level-pegging socially - and she MUST be off the hook - right?

I mean, if you're her friend, you can't still be mad at her.

Right?

 

If I may say so, your biggest mistake was even taking any notice of her breadcrumbs, let alone responding to them.

The question is never, ever, "Why do they say/do this, that or the other?"

 

The big question is "Why did you respond?"

 

Why have you not blocked and deleted?

Why can she still get in touch with you?

You should have cut off all and every means of communication from day one....

 

 

This fits my situation to a T!!! Thank you for this. I needed to read this today, even if it wasn't specifically posted for me!! It is incredible how all of these dumpers think they can just barge back in just to assuage their guilt. So selfish.

Link to post
Share on other sites
jonwashington

Man I've been there before listen she just wants to keep tabs on you keep the string on you just to see what you're up to so she can talk to everyday see what your doing see if you moved on the best thing to do is just cut her out you said you been doing no contact but answering her little questions every now and then isnt no contact. If you become friends with her now after a week ago that the biggest sap and you're going to feel like one too just cut her out you'll feel so much better you'll get all your power back if you talk to her you're giving her power and you're going to feel like crap

Link to post
Share on other sites

As others have mentioned, it is most likely guilt. If you accept the friendship then surely it is all good, at least that is how she may be thinking.

 

Whether she cheated on you or not, doesn't matter at this point. I think you should just make it clear that you want to move on and have no contact. After you have completely moved on you may find that there is no reason to even be friends with her.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think there are a couple of reasons:

 

1) as mentioned above, guilt. There are a lot of people that beam with pride that they are "friends with all of their exes" the implication being that they don't have these dysfunctional break ups that have grudges and hurt feelings. She wants to be in those ranks inspite of the fact that she broke up under obvious sketchy terms.

 

2) People like continuity, particularly, the perfect break up is one where you get to replace all of the parts of the relationship that you don't like but can still hold onto the bits and pieces that provided you with comfort. You get rid of the part that doesn't like to go out partying, but keep the loyalty, adoration, good conversation. Its a totally selfish mindset, but also pretty common.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author

Thank you all for the insight. Just affirmation of things I already suspected. Turns out right after I explained why I couldn't be her friend she went and deleted pictures of her and the guy. I came to find out from a mutual friend just a few days ago that she broke up with him. I haven't made any attempts to contact her after finding this out. I think she may have probably been reaching out knowing she was going to break up with this guy and seeing if she could set up the fall back

Link to post
Share on other sites
out of the blue

I believe you were or are her fallback. Where u go from here is up to you. Everyone is different. How much do u love her, is she willing to work with you and come clean with everything.

 

Me and my wife are seperated, have been for two and a half months. I believe she was having an affair, but she denies it. I dont know if i would take her back. But i will tell u this, she is the only woman i would consider taking back. No girl ive ever dated have i given a second chance after they left me for whatever reason. I dont know if me and my could ever work agian but you have to decide if u and your gf can do it. Good luck

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...