My Ex Girlfriend Came Back But Hasn't Ended Things With Her New Boyfriend

[noloveloss]

My ex girlfriend and i been together for 12 years we have a 3 year old daughter. My ex and I would constantly argue and fight till one day we got into the worse fight we ever did. she broke up with me and took my daughter from me for 2 months. I was heart broken. I cried, i begged, i talked to her family, i did everything i could to get her back for 2 whole months. come to find out she was seeing a guy 2 weeks before our break up and he clouded her judgment to come back to me.

 

so I fell back completely. I went 3 months without seeing her and only talked to her regarding my daughter. I got better focused on myself, started going to the gym, got a better paying job, started spending alot more time with my daughter and started dating new women. basically I am at a very happy point in my life without my ex

 

Out the blue she calls me and asked me what do i think about us getting back together. I was skeptical at first and said to myself what the heck let me see where her mind is at. so one day i surprised her and met up with her. She was shocked. she saw i was fit, looked good, changed my appearance, and i was so much happier and was not needy or desperate.

 

So she told me about her new guy and was very honest with me. she said she was going to end things with him because it was a fling and she knows it wouldnt go any where with him but sees a future with me. I listened and said that's up to you if you want to leave him.

 

so we started hanging out she started calling me baby instead of my name saying i love you more and saying she is so happy to have me back how much she missed me, and how much she wants to be a family again. But she still had her new boyfriend in the picture. for 3 weeks now she has says she is going to end it with him but doesn't its constantly an excuse. she has been spending a lot more time with me then him (out of the 3 weeks she was with me everyday and chilled with him maybe 3 times) but it is not completely ended with her new boyfriend. I told her if she doesn't want to be with me i'm cool with that and i wont be heart broken like i was before if she decides to stay with him. she says no i don't like him any more it was a fling, he means nothing to me, im going to get rid of him.

 

i don't want to give her an ultimatum and make her choose between me and him but at the same time i don't want to wait for her to make up her mind. she said absoluelty for sure she is going to cut it off with him by this week. if she doesn't then i can stop talking to her completely. she said she is that confident and sure that she is going to cut it off completly with him this week.

 

what should i do? should i ride it out for one more week or should i just walk away and stop dealing with her all together. I love her and I would love to make it work with her. but at the same time i feel like even if i did fully get back with her this guy will always be hiden in the back ground.

Edited November 23, 2015 by noloveloss

[lil hoodlum]

Not to be harsh, but your ex-girlfriend is a monkey swinging through forrest.

 

 

Do you know how a monkey swings through the forrest?

 

They swing by using the jungle vines. As they are swinging, they grab onto a new vine before letting go of the old one.

 

 

Are you a vine?

 

 

She didn't break up with you until she had someone new. And by the sounds of it is fixing to do it with her "new" boyfriend.

[PegNosePete]

i don't want to give her an ultimatum and make her choose between me and him

Why on earth not? That's exactly what I would do. I would say "I will not see you again until he's history". In fact I would never have gotten involved with her (again) until she had dumped her "fling". Why does she have to wait until later in the week? Doesn't she own a phone? Can't she just call him up and say it's over?

 

She is playing you for a fool. She is having her cake and eating it. And you're giving her a plate and a fork.

[kgcolonel]

Just a couple of thoughts on this:

 

Are you two intimate? If you are, are you using condoms. If not, I would suggest you start for two reasons.

 

1. If she were to come up pregnant, there would be a question as to paternity, you certainly don't want another child without more commitment that what you have now and you don't want (if you're in the US) additional child support payments.

2. This would send a message that you're not willing to subject yourself to STD risks while she is "playing the field".

 

She needs this push to decide where she is, unless you're okay with the current situation. I did not hear any objections in your story as to a requirement of monogamy....doesn't sound like you have M at the moment.

[noloveloss]

@lil hoodlum your right that's exactly what she did normally we get to fights we try to fix it and we get back together it was so easy for her to move on this time because she was talking to this new guy 2 weeks before our big fight. That's one thing that I'm concerned about. I don't want to get back with her and this guy is hide in the background every time we get into a fight. She promised me she would block him off of all socials and change her number. But realistically it doesn't matter because at the end of the day if there is a will there is a way. I'm really just on the verge of ending it with her completely.

 

@ PegNosePete your right I'm going to give her an ultimatum and I'm sure she will hesitate and if I feel any of that I'm going to make her choice easier by removing myself from the equation and not be an option. And she said he works and she works so she wants to end things with him face to face. Which I find funny because she left me and dumped me by telling other people she done with me. To think of it till this day she never said the exact words that she is done with me. She only said I need time, I need to find myself, I need to heal, I need space.

 

@ KgColonel yes I use a condom every single time and I told her she needs to get an STD test right away and a pregnancy test cause I refuse to be trapped with another man's child. She agreed to that.

Edited November 24, 2015 by noloveloss