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Will I get a second chance? If so, when?


mbrunsongolf

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My ex broke up with me almost 2 months ago from today. Our relationship lasted a year and we lived together for the last 3 months of it. In the beginning she loved me A LOT and wanted me to move in with her so I did. Right at the time I moved in, I lost my job and became depressed and started smoking pot behind her back. Our relationship immediately took a turn for the worse and I was hooked on it and didn't think it was going to come to this. Of course she broke up with me and kicked me out because I was a worthless dud, which I don't blame her for. In the first month of the break up, we texted a few times and saw each other a few times for a brief period each meeting. I thought I was on track to get her back, I had told her how I got my life back, I was working out again, not smoking and much more active which she told me I needed to do that if we ever had another chance. She did say that she would give it a try in the future. I dont know what that means. Well I text her one day asking if I could come see her because I was not doing well with the break up and she flipped on me. She is having a rough time with her family issues, a cousin died, her grandparents aren't doing well and her dad had to go to rehab. She sent me a very long message saying I should be there for her and how I am a deceitful worthless EX boyfriend. I agreed with her and told her I am sorry to hear what is going on and that I want to be there for her now. She said she just needs time and space. That was about 10 days ago. I tried texting her a few days after that just to see if she was doing ok, naturally she ignored it. She stopped posting on fb, she stopped using snapchat. I dont know what to think, is she just locked up in her house sad, is she out dating someone else and I dont know about it. I know I need to give her atleast a month until I contact her again, but it has been so hard. She is the love of my life and I let her get away like an idiot. Do I still have a chance with her? If I do, how do I go about getting her back if she never text me again and when I text her she ignores me?

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If she told you she needs some space, then that is what you should give to her. You can work on whatever issues you have in the interim. Luckily for you, the holiday season is here... skip Thanksgiving, but if you feel you've calmed down emotionally, send her a Christmas or a New Year's Card/text.

 

However, even that might be premature. She broke up with you, so if you beg your way back in, she might not be as emotionally invested in it as you are. Why not really really work on yourself and then in a few months time (I read that 2-4 months is the time to work through the post break up stages of grief) show her the new you?

 

Right now you are trying to read her mind, and no matter how well you know her, after a break up it's mega hard to gauge people's emotions, they fluctuate so much. Sometimes. She might hate you forever too, so if you show up looking sloppy and like a puppy in the rain, that won't help. I hate the phrase "man up" but in this situation, that's what you need to do.

 

Good luck, and I mean that in all sincerity. I am somewhat in your shoes and writing this has been cathartic for me; I need daily endorsements of myself to get through another shi**y day but each time i don't call text or otherwise grovel I feel better. Conversely, when I did grovel text and she didn't immediately burst into tears of remorseful love, I felt horrid, absolutely putrid and worthless.

 

That is not how you want to feel. So, chin up, NC for a bit, and stay in the present with an eye for who knows what?

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In regards to your Facebook comment, I had limited access to my ex gf's Facebook thru a mutual friend since we blocked each other. I would check it once in awhile but when I did I of course analyzed it.

 

I noticed a pattern a week after the bu she didn't post anything. This is coming from a girl who post almost everyday or every other day something. Then the first couple weeks into her rebound she was quiet. Also quiet for a week after rebound ended. Then she gets a new guy and there are almost weeks with nothing and then tons of selfies. So my ex her Facebook mimicked how she felt after the break up. I know it sounds crazy but if you know your girl good enough you can almost get a feeling of how sh feels from her postings. A lot of selfies when she's happy or trying to impress the guys on her friends list. Or nothing for days when she's sad or not sad but with new guy.

 

I would say her recent quietness on social media is either because she's down/depressed or she's got a guy. If this is out of the norm for her and her postings.

 

As you can see I didn't go full NC. I should have. Saw and heard things that really hurt but in a way helped move me on a little bit. I'm 4+ months since break up. I should be further along if I dropped Facebook sooner.

 

Facebook is the spawn of Satan when it comes to break ups. It will turn you into a junkie. Block her on all social media. It will give you a little power back since you did it first. Don't find a friend who is her friend to see her page. It will set you back and you will drive your friend crazy.

 

I did however go full no contact via phone, text or email. Also haven't seen her in person. You have to stop contacting her. I made that mistake for 2 weeks and that was enough time for her to get angry, resentful and lose respect for me. DO NOT contact her. It's the only chance you have if any chance is left.

 

What has helped me are watching Corey Wayne videos on YouTube. Check him out. It will help.

Edited by Gmuck
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