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How often should I text my ex if I initiated breakup?


itsdinaah

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I'm trying to get him back because I feel like I made a huge mistake breaking up with him. We had a good relationship and rarely fought. Right now I've been texting him every few days (2-3 days).

 

He's been pretty receptive and he keeps the conversation going.

 

How often should I text him? Also what kind of things should I say?

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How about:

 

"I feel like I made a big mistake breaking up with you."

 

How often you should text him is a question with no definitive answer.

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I'm trying to get him back because I feel like I made a huge mistake breaking up with him. We had a good relationship and rarely fought. Right now I've been texting him every few days (2-3 days).

 

He's been pretty receptive and he keeps the conversation going.

 

How often should I text him? Also what kind of things should I say?

 

How long has this been going on?

 

Does he know your intent?

 

He may just think that you're being friendly and moving on.

 

Since you initiated the break-up of an otherwise good relationship, I'd say make your reasons clear so that you both know where you each stand.

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"I feel like I made a big mistake breaking up with you."

No don't just say that, it sounds too much like a breadcrumb. If someone posted here saying that their dumper texted them that and asking what to reply, we would all tell them to ignore it.

 

You should say:

"I feel like I made a big mistake breaking up with you and would like to try again, if you're willing to give me another chance? Can we meet to discuss?"

 

Or even better, call him up and say that.

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How long has this been going on?

 

I've contacted him 6 months after the breakup I was hoping for a reconciliation but I don't think he thought I was serious. We lost contact for about another 10 months and I contacted him last week. We've been broken up for about 19 months.

 

 

Does he know your intent?

 

I told him that I missed him. We made plans for coffee this weekend.

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I'm trying to get him back because I feel like I made a huge mistake breaking up with him. We had a good relationship and rarely fought. Right now I've been texting him every few days (2-3 days).

 

He's been pretty receptive and he keeps the conversation going.

 

How often should I text him? Also what kind of things should I say?

 

None.

 

You should call him to arrange a meeting at a coffee shop. Then you should meet him and tell him what you need to say.

 

Texting is used for managing people when you don't want to get into a protracted conversation. It's impersonal and doesn't have the ability to convey intent, context and feeling. Talking and looking each other in the face does that.

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Michelle ma Belle
I've contacted him 6 months after the breakup I was hoping for a reconciliation but I don't think he thought I was serious. We lost contact for about another 10 months and I contacted him last week. We've been broken up for about 19 months.

 

 

 

I told him that I missed him. We made plans for coffee this weekend.

 

Then wait until the coffee date and see how it goes.

 

I'm of the mindset that you should always be honest. If you feel like you made a mistake and want to reconcile then OWN IT and lay your cards on the table. There is no point in tippy toeing around the subject and pretending like the pink elephant isn't sitting on the couch in your living room.

 

Good luck.

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We're not meeting until Saturday so I don't know if I should stay in touch until then. I planned out most of what I wanted to say. Hope it goes well.

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If I were you I'd make your desire to try again known to him before Saturday. So that (a) he can have a proper think in his own time, and prepare his response; and (b) so you don't waste your time or humiliate yourself, if he's not interested or has someone else on the radar.

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Weren't you just in a relationship that ended about a week ago and you were complaining about your boyfriend not contacting you as much as you want?

 

I hope your desire to reconcile with your ex is sincere and not based on loneliness and your inability to find someone else at this point in time. Why did you break up with him 19 months ago? what has changed?

 

Anyway, hope everything works out for the both of you, whether or not you end up back together.

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Actually my relationships after this guy were kind of rebounds. I've never gotten over this guy and the failed relationships after him makes it even harder. We broke up because I felt like we were moving too fast, I now realize that I should have communicated with him better about my concerns instead of breaking up with him. He possesses all the qualities that I would want in a guy.

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If I were you I'd make your desire to try again known to him before Saturday. So that (a) he can have a proper think in his own time, and prepare his response; and (b) so you don't waste your time or humiliate yourself, if he's not interested or has someone else on the radar.

 

I've been dropping hints like telling him I missed him and I had a lot to say to him in person. Should I be more straightforward?

Edited by itsdinaah
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I've been dropping hints like telling him I missed him and I had a lot to say to him in person. Should I be more straightforward?

 

My opinion, yes, you should be more straight forward.

 

It sounds petty, but you dumped him and now you want to undo it. You shouldn't put such a high premium on your ego at this point.

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Ok I told him I wanted to talk about us and that I made a mistake breaking up with him. I also told him I hoped I wasn't too late. He told me I wasn't too late. He's just scared to get back together which I can completely understand.

 

He told me we can meet on Saturday and decide.

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Simon Phoenix
I've been dropping hints like telling him I missed him and I had a lot to say to him in person. Should I be more straightforward?

 

Yes, dropping hints is a crappy thing to do as the dumper. It's not his job to guess at your motives -- it's your job to come correction and tell him what's up. Give him the proper information and let him make a decision. Stop playing games.

 

EDIT: I saw that you actually were honest and forthright. Good for you. That's the proper, adult way to handle yourself.

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Why did you break up? Anyway, forget the hints and be straight up: tell him you made a huge mistake and would like to meet up to discuss reonciling if he's open to it. Be prepared for a no though.

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We broke up because I fet like the relatioship was moving too fast. Instead of talking to him about it, I panicked and broke up with him. We never really fough.

 

I now realize that I wasn't communicatig effectively with him and I hope we can address that.

 

Just have to wait and see how the coffee goes.

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So I went on the coffee date and I'm a little disappointed with how things went.

 

He spent half the time on his phone texting and calling and he said slightly rude things. He's not the same guy I fell in love with a year and a half ago. He's changed so much.

 

 

We agreed to meet again next week but I'm having second thoughts. I think we're too different now to be together anymore.

 

How should I handle this situation?

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go to see him next week and communicate with him. tell him what you are telling us that you really messed up breaking with him before and ask him, what he thinks about starting back but gradually. Be open with him as much as you are here. That is the only way to determine if it will be a good fit. A lot of times, our memory of what we remember is different from reality. You may remember him idealistically and the reality of things will be much different.

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So I went on the coffee date and I'm a little disappointed with how things went.

 

He spent half the time on his phone texting and calling and he said slightly rude things. He's not the same guy I fell in love with a year and a half ago. He's changed so much.

 

We agreed to meet again next week but I'm having second thoughts. I think we're too different now to be together anymore.

 

How should I handle this situation?

 

Accept the consequences of the actions you willfully undertook. Sit with the unpleasant feelings of knowing what your behavior brought about in him.

 

I'm a little struck by how it seems you thought this should have gone down.

 

You hurt this guy--of course he's changed. That's completely normal on his part. Of course he's got resentment towards you popping up all of a sudden wanting him back. I don't think there is anyone who has been dumped who isn't going to have some kind of resentment and anger--and perhaps this is his closure.

 

Just like someone who has been cheated on, you don't get to write the script on how someone processes the hurt you dished out to them.

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Simon Phoenix
So I went on the coffee date and I'm a little disappointed with how things went.

 

He spent half the time on his phone texting and calling and he said slightly rude things. He's not the same guy I fell in love with a year and a half ago. He's changed so much.

 

 

We agreed to meet again next week but I'm having second thoughts. I think we're too different now to be together anymore.

 

How should I handle this situation?

 

I think you should be honest with him. It's not up to him to woo you and kiss your ass. It's up to you to be forthright and come correct. He was probably doing that as a defense mechanism. Remember, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BROKE UP WITH HIM. It's not up to him to woo you back. It's up to you to woo him back.

 

Sorry, but you have to be honest and stop pussyfooting around.

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At this point I'm not really sure about anything.

 

But he was the one who asked me when he could see me again so I guess that's a good sign.

 

I guess I'll see how the next meeting goes. Didn't realize this was his way of coping but I can understand it now.

 

I did however message him later thanking him for seeing me.

Edited by itsdinaah
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So I went on the coffee date and I'm a little disappointed with how things went.

 

He spent half the time on his phone texting and calling and he said slightly rude things. He's not the same guy I fell in love with a year and a half ago. He's changed so much.

 

 

We agreed to meet again next week but I'm having second thoughts. I think we're too different now to be together anymore.

 

How should I handle this situation?

Were you expecting him to be all lovely dovey because you want to get back together? You don't get to throw someone away, and then expect to be treated the same just because you changed your mind.

 

How long ago was it since you broke up?

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We broke up a year and a half ago.

 

We talked about our breakup and he told me about he handled things (resorting to drugs/alcohol). He told me about a car accident he got into a few months ago, shared his new hobby (drawing and painting) with me. We ended with a hug and an agreement to meet again.

 

After seeing him I realized how much he struggled with the breakup and how I never want to put him through that again.

 

He already doesn't trust women because of me, I don't want to be the reason for him giving up on love.

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Simon Phoenix
We broke up a year and a half ago.

 

We talked about our breakup and he told me about he handled things (resorting to drugs/alcohol). He told me about a car accident he got into a few months ago, shared his new hobby (drawing and painting) with me. We ended with a hug and an agreement to meet again.

 

After seeing him I realized how much he struggled with the breakup and how I never want to put him through that again.

 

He already doesn't trust women because of me, I don't want to be the reason for him giving up on love.

 

Then stop screwing around and come clean with him.

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