Unresolved feelings?

[SenieS]

Hey guys, yeah it's my first post i was researching about someone having unresolved feelings for person and quite frankly it really didn't seem to explain much of what it means in general but I'll go ahead and explain the situation.

 

Last year, this girl (I'll call her G) and i started getting to know each other after working at an event that lasted for 3 days and i found that she had peaked my interest and it was the same way for her as well. We grew closer and realized that we had feelings for each other and the connection became stronger by the day. She gave me this 'talk' as for me to wait for her to finish a specific 'thing' and that we could possibly get into a relationship then to which I did agree and told her that i didn't want to force her to do anything. About a month after this talk i started becoming emotionally unstable and realized that me liking her/loving her was what made me hurt and that i kept getting angry and kept lashing out whenever she tried to talk to me on a personal level and that's where I ****ed up or say, I realized a lot later than usual that i ****ed up. We stopped talking after that and it's been either close to a year or exactly to a year and I decided to say Hey and see if bygones could be bygones. To my extreme unluckiness which decided to turn into luck for the first time in history she decided that she wanted to be friends with me again.

 

I also want to add that i haven't been in a relationship for about 3 and a half years, 4 when this year ends so I do find it a bit hard to contain or keep my feelings in line.

 

While that had happened i realized that the same feelings from last year had reappeared again and that it was stronger than it was and yes, it did make me feel like crap but I'm a straightforward person so i let her know about it and she didn't tell me after 3 times when i talked to her on a personal level that she was actually seeing someone but she still would acknowledge that i felt this way towards her. I invited her for a day out and spent most of the day with her. After that had happened we did get closer and she started having curiosities about me (which eventually lead her to giving away the fact that she does like me as well). She's the type of girl that's VERY kind to alot of people even when they don't deserve it and I told her that having having feelings for a second guy kind of invalidates the fact that you're seeing the guy originally before we started talking again. Afterwards she told me that she has unresolved feelings.

 

What could unresolved feelings possibly mean? I don't view myself in a negative way at all but yes i do have my moments here and there but i can't wrap my mind around what she possibly meant..

[DonaldTrumpsWig]

Hi SenieS,

 

You know those people who are super nice and down for everything and never say no? Like that one friend you haven't seen for a while and when you do see her, she's stoked and says she'll call you because you guys should totally hang out! And then a week passes, a month passes, and you don't get a call. Then you see her again and she's super stoked to see you and will totally call you because you guys should hang out! You know those types? That's what this girl sounds like.

 

You mention that she's very kind to a lot of people who don't even deserve it. Some people think it's nicer to go along with everything rather than just be honest and say no. They don't want to hurt/offend you so they just don't ever tell you no. That's what this girl sounds like. And her "unresolved feelings" sounds like an excuse. She doesn't want to come out and say "no" so instead, she puts it off by saying she has "unresolved feelings." She probably thinks she's being nice but she's actually giving you false hope.

 

When you first met and you realized that you both had feelings for each other, did both of you express this out loud to each other? And if you did, who said it first? You? It seems to me that, if you said it first, she's the type to just go along with it rather than hurt your feelings by saying something contrary. So she went along with it but put you off by saying "wait" so she could "take care of something." But she never took care of it, did she? A month went by and nothing happened. To my eyes, she was just putting you off with excuses because she didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying no.

 

It sounds to me like she's already seeing this other guy, you express interest in her, and she doesn't want to be rude or offend you by just saying "hey man, I have a boyfriend already." The "unresolved feelings" are just her way of saying no without actually saying "no."

 

This is, of course, just my opinion and I could be wrong. If I were you, I would pay more attention to her actions than her words. She might have said that she's into you, but how has she acted to show this interest? Has she left her boyfriend? Has she finished whatever business she told you she had to take care of? Or is it all words?

 

Best of luck to you, brother.

[SenieS]

Hi SenieS,

 

You know those people who are super nice and down for everything and never say no? Like that one friend you haven't seen for a while and when you do see her, she's stoked and says she'll call you because you guys should totally hang out! And then a week passes, a month passes, and you don't get a call. Then you see her again and she's super stoked to see you and will totally call you because you guys should hang out! You know those types? That's what this girl sounds like.

 

You mention that she's very kind to a lot of people who don't even deserve it. Some people think it's nicer to go along with everything rather than just be honest and say no. They don't want to hurt/offend you so they just don't ever tell you no. That's what this girl sounds like. And her "unresolved feelings" sounds like an excuse. She doesn't want to come out and say "no" so instead, she puts it off by saying she has "unresolved feelings." She probably thinks she's being nice but she's actually giving you false hope.

 

When you first met and you realized that you both had feelings for each other, did both of you express this out loud to each other? And if you did, who said it first? You? It seems to me that, if you said it first, she's the type to just go along with it rather than hurt your feelings by saying something contrary. So she went along with it but put you off by saying "wait" so she could "take care of something." But she never took care of it, did she? A month went by and nothing happened. To my eyes, she was just putting you off with excuses because she didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying no.

 

It sounds to me like she's already seeing this other guy, you express interest in her, and she doesn't want to be rude or offend you by just saying "hey man, I have a boyfriend already." The "unresolved feelings" are just her way of saying no without actually saying "no."

 

This is, of course, just my opinion and I could be wrong. If I were you, I would pay more attention to her actions than her words. She might have said that she's into you, but how has she acted to show this interest? Has she left her boyfriend? Has she finished whatever business she told you she had to take care of? Or is it all words?

 

Best of luck to you, brother.

 

Man, I haven't come back to this site in such a long time because i had no replies etc, sorry for the extremely late bump.

 

I decided to let her go because it was hurting me, and letting her go hurt me even more. She got into a relationship a month afterwards and had a relationship for about 5 months and then it ended. She told me that he didn't say he loved her at all until they talked about breaking up and it's EXTREMELY weird that it takes the risk of breaking up for someone to say they love you, it gives you second thoughts. This person didn't provide for her in any way, this person never drove her around, she did all of the driving and she paid for most of the stuff they bought and have done (movies etc) which in my eyes, and in my culture is extremely weak for a man to allow such a thing. In my eyes the man pays for everything unless the woman genuinely wants to put in as well.

I got into contact with her a few weeks ago and we still are talking, infact she actually accepted the fact that me and her are starting to see each other. She told me that I was the only person that made her feel safe without her having to have her guard up all the time and that she feels like herself and doesn't expect me to do anything bad towards her, she knows i'm very overprotective of her.

 

I just need to make sure my feelings stay in the form they are in now. I wish to give it atleast a month or two before i pop the question

[Simon Phoenix]

I think you're mired in the friend zone. You're a safe landing spot, she enjoys hanging out with you, but you don't "do it" for her in a romantic way.

 

She sees you more like an older brother than a romantic option. You can "pop the question" if you must (though that sounds really overdramatic) but I doubt it will get anywhere. The only chance you really have here is if she initiates any romantic conversation. You doing it will just restart the friendzone cycle.