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Second chances?


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prioritymail

I have a situation going on right now that I am sure is nothing new...I am sure that others have been through it. I just want some perspective on the situation. This may be long, so please forgive me. :o

 

I met my boyfriend (I think that I can call him that again) about a year and a half ago. He had just finalized a divorce that was initiated by his ex-wife cheating on him and leaving him for another man. They have 2 children together. We met and basically spent the next 4 months just talking to each other, getting to know one another. After these 4 months, we realized that we are in love. We commenced with an intensely passionate, loving, romantic relationship. We introduced our kids (I have a son) and our families. Everything was wonderful, and I have never been happier. About 6 months ago he started distancing himself from me emotionally. A lot of things were happening in his life. His mom was diagnosed with cancer. His sister passed away unexpectedly. His busy season began with work, and his relationship with me was really taking a hit. He asked for some time and space to work some things out. I agreed to give him that. He assured me that he loved me and was not going anywhere. Well, he never really took the time or space. We eventually broke up in August. We did not speak for a week, he came up with an excuse to call me, and then we fell into our old pattern of the relationship. Things were going along fine, and then once again we broke up in November. I was devastated, and he was also. I have never seen a man cry like that while breaking up...we just clung to each other. He was convinced that I was giving him so much of myself and he could not make me happy right now. Well, again we didn't speak for a week, and then he called and shocked the heck out of me. I had been convinced that we were totally done. Well, in the week that we didn't speak, he had gone to see a counselor, all on his own. He said that he was seeing the counselor to help his young son cope better with the divorce, to help him with his trust and commitment issues, and to learn about blending families. So, obviously he is doing all of this for him and for us. I usually think that a breakup is bad and another chance is not really possible, but with him going to counseling, I believe that there is a chance for us. We have been talking every day again, and spending time together alone and with the kids. He has been openly loving and affectionate, and I really think that in looking at the big picture, our relationship is improving daily. I was just wondering if anyone else has been through a similar situation with any success. I really want to think that we have a chance to make it. I love him very much. Thanks!

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HokeyReligions

I suppose it could work, but take it slow. Go to counseling with him if he wants you to. Go to couples counseling. Four months and you exchange I Love You's seems pretty fast to me.

 

If he is dealing with the stress in his life now with counseling that is good. But what about future stress? Will he be able to handle that without distancing himself? Will he be able to take a suggestion from you when he is feeling stressed, that you both go back to counseling?

 

These are just questions I would be asking myself if I were in your place. He told you he wanted some time and space but never took them. There is a lot more here I'm sure, than you can possibly post.

 

From only your post I would say encourage him to go to counseling but ask if you can participate when a session deals with you and your participation/role in the relationship.

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