coloradobound Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Ok, I'm involved with a married woman, we love each other, and yes it is real. She has a guilty conscience with still being married and says she wants to work on her marriage. I think the only reason she wants to is because of how long they have been married. They lived together before they were married, had fights, split up at times, etc. She has told me she questions the marriage like it was "just the next logical step" in the relationship. He seems to only care about himself, as long as he gets what he wants and when, the rest of the time he could care less about what she does. He got mad at her for not answering her phone one time, she got home, they fought and he pushed her into a wall. When she told me about that, her tone of voice when she said he's never done anything like that before, it killed me inside. A week after she told me she wants to try and work on her marriage, she was in my car, broke down in tears and said I didn't know how badly she wanted to be with me. She's even told me that he's told her that if he ever lost her he'd kill himself. I dont really think thats love or devotion, I think its like almost just putting that on her conscious on if she ever thought of leaving her, so she'd feel guilty. I think one thing holding her back from moving on from him (I really dont care if its me or whoever she moves onto) is that is all she has known and is afraid of a change. I think she'd be happier without him. And even though supposedly he would never hurt her again physically, to me, you do it once, there is an even greater chance of doing it again and possibly even worse than the first time. And for me, she knows I'd be there for her as much as I can, support her, and would never hurt her. She has said the best thing she likes about me is how I treat her. To me its as if they are still friends, just legally married. He really doesn't do anything for her. Sorry for being so long, just wish I knew what to do for her and myself. Just how to make her see that it is not a healthy relationship and there will be someone there for her if she makes the right decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Teag Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 there is nothing you can do until SHE is ready to get out of that relationship. When you are in an abusive relationship they make you feel so little, like you can live w/out them & if you try you'll fail(even if she is w/ you) She won't leave him until she TRUELY gets tired of it. All you can do is be there for her & SHOW her your not like that, actions speak louder than words. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author coloradobound Posted December 29, 2004 Author Share Posted December 29, 2004 I know, I just wish I could open her eyes to how he is. I am pretty sure he will revert back to his normal self and she'll be back in the same boat. I even remember her saying before they were married, HIS friends told her she shouldn't marry him. Now thats saying something. We still talk and email each other everyday. And there is still a "flirting" tone to what she says. and we are still doing things together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coloradobound Posted December 30, 2004 Author Share Posted December 30, 2004 Anybody have any other insight on my situation. We do things together still. She still has flirty tone when we talk and in emails. And other people have also thought that she just doen't know how to end it with her husband. etc. I feel even if shes not with me, she needs to get out of the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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