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Blaise Harris's "How to Get Your Lover Back?" Did this work for anyone?


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I've seen people quote and suggest this book, "How to Get You Lover Back" by Blaise Harris. I read it and found it very helpful in understanding myself and my love. It also helped me see why my relationship fell apart and why my girlfriend of 5 years left me. So I'm glad i read it for those reasons alone. I would also recommend it just for those reasons.

 

But the book also puts forth a certain strategy for getting your lover back: basically, loving your lover back to you.

 

So my question to all you posters is this: Has the strategy laid out in this book actually worked for anyone?

 

If so, I'm curious when is the right time to try the "love-takeaway." So far I've been employing the "no call" but hanging out with her when she calls. When we do hang out I've been doing a good job of keeping it comfortable and creating pleasant moments. She's definitely warming up to me after hanging out about three times in as many weeks. I haven't given her the "I love you completely and want to be the one to make you happy but I really just want you to be happy no matter what." I've avoided telling her straight out that I love her. It's been fairly obvious from my actions.

It's felt pretty natural to act according to the book's recommendation. I almost feel I would do the same things without it. The book does say to tell your ex-lover, "occasionally", that you love them completely and that you want them to be happy and all that. I haven't done that and wonder if I should. Like I said, it should be obvious from my actions.

So I guess I'm looking for more encouragement. But I wonder if I'm not just diluding myself by thinking this will work. It really doesn't matter much. I don't think I could behave any differently about it right now.

 

I'm just curious to hear some real life testimonials for this book.

 

Anyone?

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Originally posted by Universe

But the book also puts forth a certain strategy for getting your lover back: basically, loving your lover back to you.

 

this will not work if they don't want to come back to you

 

 

So far I've been employing the "no call" but hanging out with her when she calls.

 

this won't work, when she calls you, you should be busy an unavailable most of the time

 

 

It's been fairly obvious from my actions.

 

this is nice but you should be more concerned with HER actions

 

 

But I wonder if I'm not just diluding myself by thinking this will work.

 

once again, it will not work if she does not want to come back

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IhavenoFREAKINclue

GET IT!!! But that book!!!!! It has so much in site and realistic situation. You can actually relate to her.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=46908

That post is about the same thing. But i'm telling you, Get the book. It tells you whether or not to actually go back. Quizzes and so much more. I would definitely recommend that book.

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Gottabestrong

HI,

 

I got the book, but I dont think it is going to help me. I think the book is geared more towards people who treated their partners badly and took them for granted. So their partners left them, not because they stopped loving them and they decided you are not the 'ONE', but because they felt neglected and were hurt.

 

I think it might work in this situation, if your ex still loves you but you hurt them, you might be able to 'love' them back to you.

 

But in my situation, where your partner left you because they did not think you had a future, or because they were 'confused' or whatever, then being loving is not going to get them back. Because that's the way you already acted while you were in the relationship.

 

Wish I had been a mean bitch, at least then I would see a chance for us getting back together again. Is not that ironic? If you were a good girl/guy then your chances of getting your partner back are much lower.

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Originally posted by Gottabestrong

Wish I had been a mean bitch, at least then I would see a chance for us getting back together again. Is not that ironic? If you were a good girl/guy then your chances of getting your partner back are much lower.

 

 

This is soooo true Gottabestrong:

 

I usually see people going back to their a**h***/bitchy ex for more bad treatment. But if you're a "nice" guy or gal you're left out in the cold.

 

Sad but it is reality.

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Gottabestrong

Hi Alphamale,

 

it is an honor for me to have you say this. I have been tracking the advice you give for some weeks now and I think your advice is always spot on.

 

I even took the liberty to apply some of the things you said to my own situation. Of course it would be even better if you could give me some direct advice, but I understand if you're busy spreading your wisdom on other theads.

 

Take care and keep on dishing out the goodies :cool:

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I used to see that all the time too and drove me nuts - and used to say "why do men love bitches!?" Then I found the book by the exact same title and it explained WHY! And guess what? ALL OF IT WAS TRUE! A lot of what the book explains is basically same premise as How To Get Your Lover Back - the actions. I have both books - and yes - I did get my lover back (that was back in May). We've been together over a year now - going to Jamaica in January, and we are more a couple now than ever before - my kids adore him, he's very verbal and demonstrative of his being in love with me - all is good!

 

 

 

Originally posted by alphamale

This is soooo true Gottabestrong:

 

I usually see people going back to their a**h***/bitchy ex for more bad treatment. But if you're a "nice" guy or gal you're left out in the cold.

 

Sad but it is reality.

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and yes it worked! I waited to tell him that I loved him unconditionally and 110% and wanted him to be happy until we'd had some good casual times together and he was feeling good about me as a person and seeing that I was living my own life for ME. I told him "I love you unconditionally - if I say I only love you if you are with me or love me back equally - then I'm not really being unconditional am I? If this is what you need to be happy, then that's what I have to accept"

 

Our split only lasted about a month/6 weeks before he asked me back. During that time I took care of me, wasn't needy, started improving me - because even if we got back together it was good for me, and if we didn't - it was helping me cope and heal.

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Gottabestrong

Dear Inlimbo,

 

congratulations on getting your man back. Care to share what you did to get him back? Why did you break up? do you recommend getting that 'Why men love bitches book' or can you share the main points on here?

 

Did you have contact with your guy the whole time you were in contact?

 

I am very happy for you. Good to know that some people get back together! :)

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Originally posted by Universe

I've seen people quote and suggest this book, "How to Get You Lover Back" by Blaise Harris. I read it and found it very helpful in understanding myself and my love. It also helped me see why my relationship fell apart and why my girlfriend of 5 years left me. So I'm glad i read it for those reasons alone. I would also recommend it just for those reasons.

 

But the book also puts forth a certain strategy for getting your lover back: basically, loving your lover back to you.

 

So my question to all you posters is this: Has the strategy laid out in this book actually worked for anyone?

 

If so, I'm curious when is the right time to try the "love-takeaway." So far I've been employing the "no call" but hanging out with her when she calls. When we do hang out I've been doing a good job of keeping it comfortable and creating pleasant moments. She's definitely warming up to me after hanging out about three times in as many weeks. I haven't given her the "I love you completely and want to be the one to make you happy but I really just want you to be happy no matter what." I've avoided telling her straight out that I love her. It's been fairly obvious from my actions.

It's felt pretty natural to act according to the book's recommendation. I almost feel I would do the same things without it. The book does say to tell your ex-lover, "occasionally", that you love them completely and that you want them to be happy and all that. I haven't done that and wonder if I should. Like I said, it should be obvious from my actions.

So I guess I'm looking for more encouragement. But I wonder if I'm not just diluding myself by thinking this will work. It really doesn't matter much. I don't think I could behave any differently about it right now.

 

I'm just curious to hear some real life testimonials for this book.

 

Anyone?

 

 

 

once a man or woman leave you. the relationship is over,and there is nothing you can do to make them come back. They must come back on thier own, and ask you for your their forgiveness. If you have mistreated them you must do the same.

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Sorry took me so long to reply, was at my boyfriend's for the weekend :)

 

You can do a search on my name and look for the posts on threads I myself started for details.

 

Thanks for the congrats, we are now at 14 months together - we met October 2003, split in late spring/early summer if I recall, and back together about 4-6 weeks later.

 

The book (bitches) talks about giving too much, caring too much, being too available, pulling back etc. In May he said he needed his freedom (he met me 4 months out of a long term marriage) - sooooo, as hard as it was - I gave it to him. Well first I was my normal Irish self and pitched a fit and caused an ugly scene at his house. So I bought the "get your lover back" book. We did talk a few weeks later and agreed to a Sunday brunch - tho at that time he told me he really didn't think I was "the one" or that he wanted to get back together.

 

So, I followed the advice in "lover back" - I accepted that, didn't push it - and started living my life like he was not going to be a part of it, did end convos first, wasn't always available to him. I will say it drove him nuts when that Saturday night I was out with another man - it showed when we had brunch on Sunday. We did see one another - and were in contact after the initial few weeks - tho not as much. About 6 weeks into it - he asked me to be his again - exclusively. After that he said to me many times "I only *thought* I needed my freedom, what I needed was you, I just needed to figure that out for myself."

 

Now his divorce is final, our lives are totally intertwined, he's adapting to the quasi-stepparent role, and we're headed to Jamaica in January for an adults only vacation!

 

 

 

 

Originally posted by Gottabestrong

Dear Inlimbo,

 

congratulations on getting your man back. Care to share what you did to get him back? Why did you break up? do you recommend getting that 'Why men love bitches book' or can you share the main points on here?

 

Did you have contact with your guy the whole time you were in contact?

 

I am very happy for you. Good to know that some people get back together! :)

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  • Author

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I started readling D.H. Lawrence's Lady Chatterley's Lover this weekend and it's really helped me put things in perspective. I feel more comfortable with myself than ever. I'm actually glad to be on my own right now. It's crazy how much I've missed her. I still want her back. But I actually want to be alone for a bit longer before getting back with her. I feel really REALLY good about myself right now. I'm just so comfortable with myself.

She called me tonight and left a message. I've noticed that she always seems to call me on Sundays. I have no idea why. For the past 3 weeks she's called me on sunday and then we hang out on tuesday. I feel I've made a very good showing on all these occasions.

Anyways - I don't want to talk to her right now. So I'm not calling her back. I told myself that if she called tonight that I wouldn't call her back.

But it feels so strange in a way. It's like - I feel like she needs me and I love her so much that I don't want to leave her hanging. But I'm going to this time. So far I've been available all the time. So it's about time I've actively denied her some contact.

Whenever she leaves a message, she sounds sort of low and not really happy to be talking to me. When I do talk to her and see her, she's been very friendly and we're very comfortable together. But her messages make it sound like she's burdened to call me. I don't like that.

I'm not going to call her back until Wednesday when we have tentative plans to go to the free Violent Femmes concert here. If she sells me out I'm going to go anyways and have a good time.

 

Anyways - I just want to say thanks to everyone. So far it seems like How to win your lover back will either help you succeed or make it a hell of a lot easier to move on. I'm not giving up on getting my ex back. Not by a long shot. But I AM moving on. I'm going to grow more and go further than I ever would have before. I feel so alive. She may never see it, but I'm going to be a more full complete person than she'll likely ever find elsewhere.

 

Thanks again, everyone.

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Hi...I am thinking of getting this book....although I don't know what my chances of success would be. We have been broken up for 6 months, basically have no contact and he has a new girlfriend that he started seeing almost immediately after the break.

 

Anyone have success with the book's techniques in this kind of scenario.

 

Thanks :)

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Hello, Dumbgirl (sorry, i don't wanna really call you that - change your name, ur not dumb!!!).

Anyways, I hear ya. I've dated a guy (I'll call him 'D') a few times, and we still keep in touch thru email, Instant Messenger and phone. We only went out a few times, but in that very short period of time, he managed to amaze me, and touched me profoundly and deeply. Things went too fast, and of course - he got scared. :-( We've run into eachother since then a couple times randomly, but he lives about 1.5 hours away, so we haven't seen eachother in a long long time - End of June to be exact.

I've dated a few guys after him, tried to move on, get on with my life. I've been doin really well - I made a milestone purchase (i bought a condo in the city!), which gives me a sense of accomplishment and new things to look forward to! I've been doing well at work - got some pretty important high profile projects thrown my way. I've planned a wonderful vacation to Brazil with my family, which we'll be leaving for next week. Yeah - I truly look like I've got my $hit together, doesn't it???

 

But....you know what....even after all that, like 6-7 months later - I find myself thinking about 'D' a lot. I only went on a few dates with him, but there is something about him that really touched my heart. Out of all the guys i have dated, I can tell deep down in my heart, that he might be 'the one'.

I know, that sounds nuts. How could I even begin to know that after only a few dates with this particular guy that what I feel for him is 'love'..? I don't know, but...I know what I'm feeling.

Its driving my crazy, because how would I even go about trying to get him back, when we never really had a really had a relationship?

 

Since we have kept the friendship, he does know the way I feel about him, and I know he cares for me. But, there's not much I can do at this point. He is dealing with a lot of emotionally charged issues of his own, dealing with the death of his father and sister, and dealing with the fact that his mom wants to move back to Italy for good. This would leave him here by himself, with no-one but himself to depend on - and I know that is very tough. Dealing with all this, plus the fact that he knows he broke my heart earlier this year had put him into a very depressed state. I feel really bad for him.

I really wish things were different, and I do have faith that one day I will be completely happy with everything in my life.

But, right now, I feel that I have everything....except for him. And, he's the one thing that I want the most :-(

But..really...what can I do? Just thinking about this situation makes me feel so hopeless and sad :-(

 

I guess my situation is a little bit different than everyone else's - somehow I move on, and get through each day, and really try to enjoy my life. But, a part of me knows deep down that the Love of my life is out there, and it is certainly 'D', and we're SO close, yet SO far.

 

Soo...all you people out there who want to try to win back their ex's - I hear ya. When you love someone so much, its natural to want that person to come back to you.

I won't discourage anyone, because everyone's situation is different. I'm a romantic, and I say "if you love them...go after them...go after them with everything you have! tell them you love them....don't let them go'.

At the same time though - don't lose sight of yourself.

Its tough, but I try not to lose sight - if I did, then I wouldn't have all the wonderful things I have now in my life!!

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has this method in the book really helped anyoen get their ex back? i am a firm believer that things happen for a reason..but that we make things happen. doesnt make sense? well the power of the mind is a great thing that if we utilize to even a lil of its potential we can do marvelous things. its called visualization..that along with hope, faith, and some other methods can accomplich the impossible. ever heard the sayin "believe u can do it and you can"..if u go into somethin thinkin ur gonna fail..might as well not try, cause you gonna fail cause u set urself up. but then again..some time we have to learn the hard way to really learn. sometimes it may be easy to say "well give it ur all and go for them", but that doestn really work as u will push them away cause ur chasin them (the pursuit). when u chase somethin..doesnt it run away? also there is the fact of human nature to want what we cannot have. if somethin is presented that easy we doubt it dont we? we liek to feel that what we have we have earned..its the same for love, a partner, an ex, etc.

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Puma -

 

I read this book and I think it is correct, but there are some assumptions that are being made.

 

The other person has to be willing to talk/communicate. This could take a while. I wanted to love my ex back to me right now. She didn't want that. She may NEVER want that. It doesn't do me a whole lot of good to want to love her back to me if she is willing to cut me off completely.

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yes i figured. no matter what one does..if the other person doenst want to talk for whatever reason..then it wont work. i havent read the book but based on what people are sayin about it..i think it holds some truth. but lovin them to get them back doesnt reallyseem to me liek it would work either cause if the relationship was lovin already then u just doin the same thing and taht wont work. i think u have to do the opposite and just let it be in that case. i know my ex is willin to talk communicate but only if i contact her..so i have to just chill and let her be for now. i think its important to maintain a lil contact. what are the key points in the book?

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Seems to me that there are some things we can all take from this:

 

1. Too much of a good thing is not necessarily good (ie: Don't smother them with love.)

2. Give them enough space to miss you.

3. People want what they can't have and if they can have you all the time, they won't want you. Make yourself "hard to get."

4. Act like you don't care sometimes, no matter how much you do.

5. There's a good balance between 1-4, learn to find it.

 

At least, that's what I'm hearing.

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a completely agreee with those points confusedinOC. very well those are things we should all recognize and use to our advantage. to expand on those points:

 

1. too much love such as smothering..becomes clingy to a point and that can scare someoen away. being needy shows insecurity and women especially find that unattractive in men.

 

2. when in a relationship, provide space so that they will miss you..this means not fcallin tojust call, but to call when there is actually meaningful to say.i know a lot of couples that jsut get on the phone to jsut watch tv together or to talk about lil things..save the time and jsut dont do that and you will see the time u do spend together will be more meaningful. also for those tryinto get back with an ex: let them be and do as they wish..i think they expect u to want them back..show them ur not dependant on them and that will get thim thinkin no matter how prideful they are.

 

3. it is a FACT that people want what they cant have. if we can understand this then we should use this to our advantage again..and make ourselves seem not as easy available even to our partner.in a relationship: dont drop anythin to do what ur partner wants..be independent=u before them always! for reconcilliation: let them wonder, give mystery to urself, dont let them think they know u as well they did when u were in a relationship with them. even if u feel they have moved on..they will wonder what u are up to, what u doin.

 

4. indifference: this works because when someon knows they have you at their convenience, they take advantage of it or take it for granted..so pretend u dont care as much.this may seem weird, but when ur partner/ex realizes u dont care asmuch as they think..they start to think and will try to please you

 

5. there is a balance to everythinin life..FIND IT! there is also time for everything..use it! keep faith, positivity, pereseverance, and confidence always

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lovingfeeling

After hearing so much about this book "How to get your lover back" I went out and bought it and read the book. I also believe that it is only if they people that treated you bad but like it has been said prior in this thread, it will not work if your ex "needs space" or other similar excuxe.

 

I am a dumpee right now and I think the best advice I have read is, Better Yourself. Go work out, loose weight, change your appearance, do better at work, etc. and make sure she knows at the end.

 

I remember several years back, there was a girl that had a crush on me and I never paid attention to her. A little more than a year later, I saw her again but she was totally changed. She had a great body, she had a good job and I just kept thinking, "I could of been with this girl" and I was still the same me. I regreted myself not paying a little more attention to her. I do believe that this is the best thing that we can do after a breakup. How long will it take, I don't believe that anybody knows, weeks, months, maybe even years but time goes by really quick and life is too precious to waste.

 

I agree with a lot of what AlphaOne says, he is right to the point, like it or not. I have been following his advice and from experience, it is really hard but life goes on and you can't stop your life for someone that doesn't even care about you, at least not now. Give it time and see what happens but better yourself in the process.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I recently have split up with my girlfriend of 4 years. We had a wonderful relationsip that got very screwed up and complicated. I took it for granted and did things to push her away thinking that she would never leave. I have tried to get her back but have done everything wrong. I have pushed her so far away with all the crying, begging, pleading and threats that I probably want ever get her back. If I can give any advise at all it would be to not try to change her feelings. Agree with her that this is the best thing for the both of you. Show her that you can be strong and walk away. Girls like strength and stability. I messed this up and am now trying to fix it. I am trying the no contact method right now the only bad thing is that she has not tried to contact me for about 3 months. I think my situation is hopeless but I cant avoid that feelings that I have. I love this girl more than anything and just hope that this time apart will give her some time to heal and that someday I will come across her mind and she will come back. I will keep my faith and keep fighting but give her the space and time she wanted from the start. Dont be like me, listen to what you ex is asking for and give them that. If you push all they are going to do is pull away. Good luck to everyone, keep in mind that I believe that what you ask for you will recieve. Keep fighting and dont give up on your hearts no matter how hopeless it seams.

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  • 5 months later...

I have bought the book "get your lover back.." by blaise harris. I have read it 4 times in the last week. I'm new into this break up thing so I'm not sure how it's gonna work for me. I took my ex for granted and he got sick of me and left after someone new showed him some interest. I did the usual begging and pleading but it didn't work. I was at the end of my rope so I bought the book hoping I might gain some insight. The only thing I'm not sure about and wonder if anyone could help me with is when do you start to make contact again? It has been 14 days of NC with my ex and I and I'm ready to apply the principles in the book and prove my 110% love to him but I don't want to do it too soon and rush things. I don't want to hurt any chance I have of getting him back especially since he's found someone new in the last month. We are also long distance so that makes things harder too. Any advice? He said he needed time. He felt betrayed by me and unloved. I want to respect him and his needs but I also want to love him 110%. When should I start this?

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ConfusedInOC
Originally posted by CARLPRICH

I recently have split up with my girlfriend of 4 years. We had a wonderful relationsip that got very screwed up and complicated. I took it for granted and did things to push her away thinking that she would never leave. I have tried to get her back but have done everything wrong. I have pushed her so far away with all the crying, begging, pleading and threats that I probably want ever get her back.

 

Begging, crying, pleading only chases them away further.

 

If I can give any advise at all it would be to not try to change her feelings. Agree with her that this is the best thing for the both of you. Show her that you can be strong and walk away. Girls like strength and stability. I messed this up and am now trying to fix it. I am trying the no contact method right now the only bad thing is that she has not tried to contact me for about 3 months.

 

It may be unrecoverable. At some point, if you want to get back, you will have to "bump" into her or exchange a conversation. If she is dating someone else and happy, the chances of that are slim.

 

I think my situation is hopeless but I cant avoid that feelings that I have. I love this girl more than anything and just hope that this time apart will give her some time to heal and that someday I will come across her mind and she will come back. I will keep my faith and keep fighting but give her the space and time she wanted from the start. Dont be like me, listen to what you ex is asking for and give them that. If you push all they are going to do is pull away. Good luck to everyone, keep in mind that I believe that what you ask for you will recieve. Keep fighting and dont give up on your hearts no matter how hopeless it seams.

 

It's not healthy to "keep the faith." Have you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Robert A Glover. I highly suggest that and some self-esteem books. You should probably face the reality that she isn't coming back (doesn't look like it after 3 months of NC and she hasn't tried, but not "impossible.") If you at least make an attempt to cure whatever your problems were, make yourself "Calm, Confident, Self-Assured and Masculine" then at least you will attract someone new.

 

And maybe if the Ex knows you are dating someone else her interest my be piqued.

 

Good luck to you. I face the same struggle but I'm pretty close to being ready to date someone else :)

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ConfusedInOC
Originally posted by lovingfeeling

After hearing so much about this book "How to get your lover back" I went out and bought it and read the book. I also believe that it is only if they people that treated you bad but like it has been said prior in this thread, it will not work if your ex "needs space" or other similar excuxe.

 

Agreed.

 

I am a dumpee right now and I think the best advice I have read is, Better Yourself. Go work out, loose weight, change your appearance, do better at work, etc. and make sure she knows at the end. Here is an article I totally agree with

 

I would say that you should also figure out what you did to contribute to the demise of the relationship. Most men here, at least the ones who come here, are suffering from "door mat syndrome" (aka Nice Guy Syndrome) where they don't understand why their s/o left them because they were so nice and caring and giving. Women want STRONG, CALM, CONFIDENT, SELF-ASSURED and MASCULINE men.

 

Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" fellas. It will explain a lot.

 

I remember several years back, there was a girl that had a crush on me and I never paid attention to her. A little more than a year later, I saw her again but she was totally changed. She had a great body, she had a good job and I just kept thinking, "I could of been with this girl" and I was still the same me. I regreted myself not paying a little more attention to her. I do believe that this is the best thing that we can do after a breakup. How long will it take, I don't believe that anybody knows, weeks, months, maybe even years but time goes by really quick and life is too precious to waste.

 

You couldn't have known she was going to sprout into a swan. It happens. I wouldn't stress about it.

 

I agree with a lot of what AlphaOne says, he is right to the point, like it or not. I have been following his advice and from experience, it is really hard but life goes on and you can't stop your life for someone that doesn't even care about you, at least not now. Give it time and see what happens but better yourself in the process.

 

Bettering yourself is the only aspect you can control. So give up trying to control the things you can't, focus on the things you can and let the chips fall where they may.

 

If you improve yourself, odds are the Ex will see it at some time. If you're still in the dumps and begging for them back, you might as well stamp a big L on your head. You'll never recover in his/her eyes.

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i read the book and it didnt do a damn thing for me. if the person doesnt want to accept your loving 110% then it just going to push them away more. thats what it did for me. i was extreemly nice and loving towards her and if anything it pushed me more towards the friends zone, but farther away then anything.

before i bought this book i was a COMPLETE as*hole to the girl. she would waite for me after class and i would just walk past her with my chin up and not say a word. she would say "what, you dont want to talk to me?" and i would say "no, not really"...that made her want to talk to me more...she would hussel towards me and say "i just wanted to say hi" then i would reply with "thats nice"....

then i bought the book a few days later and it turned me into a wuss. i did everything that it said. she knew she could have me when she wanted so she ignored me.

so i wish that i was that i stayed as*hole the whole time.

thats what i regret most, that i turned into a softy

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