Lonestar Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 My ex husband and I separated about 2.5 years ago and were divorced in June of last year. He filed for divorce, I didn't want it. We started sleeping together in the beginning of the summer and now we're back together. It's been rough going because a lot of the old issues would come up again and the fights got bad for awhile, but things are working out much better now. Basically, we're back together because we're still in love, and never stopped loving each other. We both really missed each other over that time and no one else compared when we dated other people. Sometime after we were divorced, I sold my engagement ring to pay off the bills I ran up though the divorce. Both our wedding bands and the setting the diamond was in have not been sold yet, but they're still on consignment. The diamond was the only thing that sold. We have not talked about marrying again, that would be YEARS down the road. We're not even living together, and neither one of us would go there right now, but we are in love and we are seeing each other several times a week. Should I feel bad about selling the ring? I had no idea we would EVER get back together, and it eats at me that the ring is gone now. He doesn't know it's gone and hasn't asked. I doubt he ever will either unless the subject of marriage comes up some day. I wish I had saved it, because I knew I never stopped loving the guy, but I thought we were done forever. Advice please... Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Not really much you can do at this point. The ring is gone and there isn't any way you can get it back. If the two of you decide to marry again you can take the positive approach and see the new ring as a representation of your new life together. A fresh start without the anger and resentment from the previous relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 I don't think you should regret it. Whats done is done. You went through a divorce and swore you were never going to be with him again. What keep it to look at it everyday and remind yourself of the pain? He might be upset at the fact that you sold it and it will probably hurt him. But he can't really be mad at you. You still have the bands, I mean if marriage comes up again he can buy you a new diamond. ( like it's so easy lol) Let the old diamond represent the past and all the struggles and the new diamond represent you new begining. If marriage ever comes up again. As for telling him do you plan on telling him or do you plan on waiting for him to ask? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Here's one possibility: If he asks, you can let him know that you had to sell it out of necessity to pay the bills. I think he would understand. What you had then is gone. What you have ahead of you is the same person, but a new relationship that is built on the foundations of the old one. You can 'get engaged' again, and you'll have an opportunity to choose a different symbol of your new, stronger relationship. Just a thought anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Soon2bsngl Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 I agree there isn't much you can do about it being gone now. if in the future you decide to remarry the new ring will symbalize your new beginning, a fresh start. My husband cheated on me and we separated breifly, I took off my wedding ring shortly after he left, I wasn't ready to take it off immediately. We are now back together, we didn't divorce and I refuse to put that ring back on my finger. My old ring symbolized the vows we took together on our wedding day, I wore my ring proudly every day since the day we were married. When he decided to break those vows to me, that ring didn't really symbolize too much to me anymore. We decided to renew our wedding vows and try and start off with a clean slate, a new marriage, when we do we will both get new rings and bury the old ones, in the past where they belong with the old marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Get new rings for your new beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonestar Posted December 8, 2004 Author Share Posted December 8, 2004 Thanks all. I know that I shouldn't be all that concerned about it being gone, but there is that little part of me that wishes I kept the faith and held onto it. Does that make sense? That's what's ultimately bothering me. Yes, if we ever made it to marriage again, we could buy something new (though it wouldn't be easy as EC said). It would probably mean a lot more to me if he loved me enough to make a huge purchase like that again on his own. I see no reason to tell him it's gone. I'm not hiding it or anything, and if he asked I would tell him with absolutely no guilt. He's the one that walked away from us thinking there was something better out there, but he found out that he had the best with me. What's so funny about this is, why the hell am I already thinking about marriage someday down the road when we're only just beginning again??? If he asked me to marry him tomorrow, I'd decline b/c of the past and not enough present. I am in such a strange situation, very strange. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Yeah no point in being upset over something you had to do in the past. may I suggest one thing...if you guys end up getting married again and he wants to get you a new ring you make it known you don't need some expensive ass ring. Pretty silly to buy silly jewelry when the budget says you cant afford it. The whole point of those rings is for the symbolism not to flash the bling around. Link to post Share on other sites
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