I want her back.

[kp4633]

Hey guys,

 

This is my first post! so please be patient with my writing lol.

 

My ex-girlfriend and I broke it off in September after just over 2 years. To keep it short I broke it off with her because she was getting very needy to the point where I had difficulty focusing on work and she was paranoid that I was cheating. I offered a "one week break" to see if things could calm down. I was in NY for a few months for school and business so she didn't see me very often at the time. After the week I told her I wanted to continue the relationship and she did as well. I went to visit her the next week and it was clear the she was not "in love" with me (couldn't make eye contact rejecting affection etc). I was heartbroken and decided to break it off with her at that point. Deep down I didn't want this and the next day I went to meet her and return some things. I briefly started to go into reconciliation but she thought it was a good idea to go separate ways for a while. I began no contact but she called a couple times. One was to mention that an old friend (girl) came by the restaurant she works at and it made her happy... but she repeatedly mentioned how it didn't work out when that friend asked about us. I also went beta a couple times and asked for reconciliation. She said she moved on and the relationship was over (this was maybe 3 weeks in so I found it hard to believe but I am not ignoring this fact).

 

Anyways fast forward about 5-6 weeks I moved back down to where we both live and met with her for lunch. She told me things were kinda crazy (partying drinking) but I just kept my indifference. Things were going GREAT. Smiles, laughs, and I saw that look in her eyes that I could not mistake. Then all of a sudden she snapped. Out of nowhere saying things like, "I'm so glad I can finally see who you are", "you're boring" etc. and being really hateful. My indifference slowly declined and the fact that I was being publicly humiliated did not help. After the meeting I was like "What the hell just happened?" lol

 

In short, her logic made no sense. When we were together we had a lot of fun. I even took her to Hawaii for an entire month where we just relaxed and had fun because we weren't sure if she would be able to stay in the US (Visa status). I gave her everything I could out of unconditional love and I know I made mistakes and was not perfect but I am always willing to improve. That weekend she posted pictures of herself with another guy at a Halloween party with her arms draped around him etc. (Not gonna lie he was a good looking guy but clearly a player). I simply texted her, "May he love you more than I ever did. Good luck to you guys." and deleted her number pictures and from social media.

 

About a week a go I sent her a friend request and followed her on instagram again. I can she she has no pics of that guy and it appears she is not clubbing or partying anymore (or as much). I messaged her saying happy thanksgiving and she responded, "I wish you all Happy Thanksgiving and I am very happy I had a chance to spend last thanksgiving with such wonderful people (my family). Good luck and all the best for you.

 

I really want her back and I don't know why. It's not out of ego, habit, or pride but I believe the unconditional love I have for her. I gave in and messaged her about a memory we shared in Hawaii as it as been almost a year since we went. She responded, " Yeah Hawaii is a gorgeous place I have some good memories as well. Miss that warm island especially now when it's cold outside. brrr."

 

I kept it short and didn't continue the conversation because I didn't want to push hard so I said, "Yeah same here. It was a great getaway. But I guess it's back to reading books under the covers for now. Enjoy the rest of your night."

 

I was actually surprised she messaged me back but I'm not sure how to go about things. I am pretty set on wanting her back and I am willing to take the risk.

 

Her personality:

-Shes foreign and very emotional.

-She is stubborn.

-Had daddy issues and I believe is insecure (huge wall though)

-We had a rollercoaster relationship and the lows always made the highs better.

-She got jealous and paranoid easily about me.

-She we maintained a long distance relationship for 9 months before she came back to America.

-While in America I helped her get her life started. I was her boss at a pool company and I helped her find a job, school, and a visa update after her summer work.

-I always supported her emotionally so she could grow.

-We are both young we met at 19 and now I am 21 (she is a year older)

 

All advice is appreciated but I have a few questions:

 

-When should I message her again?

-What should I say that is progressive but not pushy?

-How do I get it to the point where I can meet her in person?

 

Thanks again guys.

[kp4633]

Oh and yes I have been self-improving

 

1. I lost 25lbs since we broke up.

2. I am beginning my job search in software engineering.

3. I have all of my confidence back.

[I'mBatman]

Oh and yes I have been self-improving

 

1. I lost 25lbs since we broke up.

2. I am beginning my job search in software engineering.

3. I have all of my confidence back.

 

Good to hear you are doing some self improvement. Anyway you made a lot of mistakes. begging pleading and maybe worst of all the whole social media stalking and re-following B.S and continued contact.

NO CONTACT GUIDE

 

Read that a few times over.

[I'mBatman]

Hey guys,

 

 

-When should I message her again?

-What should I say that is progressive but not pushy?

-How do I get it to the point where I can meet her in person?

 

Thanks again guys.

 

Never

Nothing

No contact and she will ask

[kp4633]

Okay, I will disappear and yes I know I have made mistakes. But is it best to unfollow her again? Not trying to go down the same road again but to put myself in the right position.

 

Thanks for your response btw.

[Maggie4]

If you are sure you want her, very sure, then you go all in. Don't do it just to get her back. Do it only if you want this girl for keeps, if you think you can both be happy together. Can you see yourself marrying this girl some day? If you can, tell her, up the ante. If not, then you didn't lose the love of your life.

[kp4633]

If you are sure you want her, very sure, then you go all in. Don't do it just to get her back. Do it only if you want this girl for keeps, if you think you can both be happy together. Can you see yourself marrying this girl some day? If you can, tell her, up the ante. If not, then you didn't lose the love of your life.

 

I want her back because I do love her and I do believe we can be happy together. Yes I can see myself marrying her. I did before and I still do now. I think I will contact her after I get a job so I can prove that I can provide for her. Thanks Maggie.

[I'mBatman]

If you are sure you want her, very sure, then you go all in. Don't do it just to get her back. Do it only if you want this girl for keeps, if you think you can both be happy together. Can you see yourself marrying this girl some day? If you can, tell her, up the ante. If not, then you didn't lose the love of your life.

 

I would disagree with this. OP already mentioned reconciliation multiple times only to get back a negative response. Nothing will come from a deep conversation at this point in the situation. OP do not contact her again about reconciling, as this will only drive her further away. It seems counter productive but I had applied NO CONTACT method and watched my ex break apart over the fact i had seemingly moved on with my life after the breakup unlike her. Don't un-follow her there is no point just leave it be.

[dreamingoftigers]

Except that he dumped her.

 

So its up to him to pull his head out if his butt.

 

TIP: If your girlfriend thinks you are disconnected and cheating on her the best idea is not to "take a break" she that she is hurt and then dump her.

Well, if you want a relationship that is.

 

Why do guys dump girls and expect them not to move on at the speed of light.

How long is she supposed to wear sackcloth and ashes waiting for you to come back?

 

Clearly this REALLY hurt her and you would have to address the HURT first and assure her that you wouldn't throw her away like garbage when you "can't handle" how she is feeling.

 

I didn't see even ONE reference that you might have broken her heart.

You dumped her after two years. jeez.

[I'mBatman]

Hey guys,

 

This is my first post! so please be patient with my writing lol.

 

My ex-girlfriend and I broke it off in September after just over 2 years. To keep it short I broke it off with her because she was getting very needy to the point where I had difficulty focusing on work and she was paranoid that I was cheating. I offered a "one week break" to see if things could calm down. I was in NY for a few months for school and business so she didn't see me very often at the time. After the week I told her I wanted to continue the relationship and she did as well. I went to visit her the next week and it was clear the she was not "in love" with me (couldn't make eye contact rejecting affection etc). I was heartbroken and decided to break it off with her at that point. Deep down I didn't want this and the next day I went to meet her and return some things. I briefly started to go into reconciliation but she thought it was a good idea to go separate ways for a while. I began no contact but she called a couple times. One was to mention that an old friend (girl) came by the restaurant she works at and it made her happy... but she repeatedly mentioned how it didn't work out when that friend asked about us. I also went beta a couple times and asked for reconciliation. She said she moved on and the relationship was over (this was maybe 3 weeks in so I found it hard to believe but I am not ignoring this fact).

 

Anyways fast forward about 5-6 weeks I moved back down to where we both live and met with her for lunch. She told me things were kinda crazy (partying drinking) but I just kept my indifference. Things were going GREAT. Smiles, laughs, and I saw that look in her eyes that I could not mistake. Then all of a sudden she snapped. Out of nowhere saying things like, "I'm so glad I can finally see who you are", "you're boring" etc. and being really hateful. My indifference slowly declined and the fact that I was being publicly humiliated did not help. After the meeting I was like "What the hell just happened?" lol

 

In short, her logic made no sense. When we were together we had a lot of fun. I even took her to Hawaii for an entire month where we just relaxed and had fun because we weren't sure if she would be able to stay in the US (Visa status). I gave her everything I could out of unconditional love and I know I made mistakes and was not perfect but I am always willing to improve. That weekend she posted pictures of herself with another guy at a Halloween party with her arms draped around him etc. (Not gonna lie he was a good looking guy but clearly a player). I simply texted her, "May he love you more than I ever did. Good luck to you guys." and deleted her number pictures and from social media.

 

About a week a go I sent her a friend request and followed her on instagram again. I can she she has no pics of that guy and it appears she is not clubbing or partying anymore (or as much). I messaged her saying happy thanksgiving and she responded, "I wish you all Happy Thanksgiving and I am very happy I had a chance to spend last thanksgiving with such wonderful people (my family). Good luck and all the best for you.

 

I really want her back and I don't know why. It's not out of ego, habit, or pride but I believe the unconditional love I have for her. I gave in and messaged her about a memory we shared in Hawaii as it as been almost a year since we went. She responded, " Yeah Hawaii is a gorgeous place I have some good memories as well. Miss that warm island especially now when it's cold outside. brrr."

 

I kept it short and didn't continue the conversation because I didn't want to push hard so I said, "Yeah same here. It was a great getaway. But I guess it's back to reading books under the covers for now. Enjoy the rest of your night."

 

I was actually surprised she messaged me back but I'm not sure how to go about things. I am pretty set on wanting her back and I am willing to take the risk.

 

Thanks again guys.

 

OP tried to reconcile and failed...for now. She knows you want her back otherwise you would not be texting her about your hawaii memories, she isnt dumb. Giver her time and go no contact. Maybe after 30 days ask her to meet up for coffee so you can catch up. Dont bring up relationship talk and see where it goes. If she treats you like crap shes probably just still angry about the breakup and needs more time. I would let her contact you after that.

[carly75]

It's not a mistake, you just made the right decision for both of you.

[kp4633]

Except that he dumped her.

 

So its up to him to pull his head out if his butt.

 

TIP: If your girlfriend thinks you are disconnected and cheating on her the best idea is not to "take a break" she that she is hurt and then dump her.

Well, if you want a relationship that is.

 

Why do guys dump girls and expect them not to move on at the speed of light.

How long is she supposed to wear sackcloth and ashes waiting for you to come back?

 

Clearly this REALLY hurt her and you would have to address the HURT first and assure her that you wouldn't throw her away like garbage when you "can't handle" how she is feeling.

 

I didn't see even ONE reference that you might have broken her heart.

You dumped her after two years. jeez.

 

Well she put on a hell of a show hiding her emotions then. When she called she would tell me how she is so happy (voiced it with meaning) and how shes doing all these wonderful things now. To the point of almost rubbing it in my face. She was also delusional when we met a month ago thinking she broke up with me and telling me to move on when I didn't even mention reconciliation (we were just catching up). After that, pics went up of her with another guy with all smiles (maybe G.I.G.S.? maybe head games? idk). Not that I'm stalking her on social media but after we spoke saturday the next day she posted a pic of her out to some formal dinner and then of her getting a some surprise gift from someone. These things I don't care about but I do know that she never did those things before. I didn't expect her to move on at the speed of light but she sure put up the perception that she did which was quite confusing because we WERE in a relationship for over 2 years and I was planning to propose to her this upcoming summer once my life fully balanced out. I dumped her because she said she fell out of love with me and I didn't want to be led on longer if it was true.

 

I broke up with her and she flipped it like she broke up with me saying how she didn't want to break my heart etc. I'm just really confused.

[kp4633]

Or maybe she is doing trying to bring hurt to me like I did to her (if she perceives it that way).

[kp4633]

Oh and to clear things up about that I sent her this letter of closure after we broke up as well.

 

[iNSERT NAME],

 

I realize that I made a lot of mistakes. I tried to make things better but made mistakes along the way. If you can look at this in the grander scheme of things. Things were on the verge of getting better. The things I told you were not lies which you think they are. I TRULY meant everything I told you about how much I loved you and how I wanted to help you and take care of you. We were a beautiful couple and are happy moments were really great. We had good clean fun and we could make a boring situation really great between us. I know you are thinking realistically now but I don’t want you to. I want you to keep dreaming and think big. I will as well.

 

Hopefully, I will get a job soon. I am applying everywhere and time is feeling slow. I am unhappy right now because I cannot do the things I want in life because I have not figured out a way to support myself yet. But it is only a matter of time. I wrote this to give you some final closure. So you could see the absolute truth and that I have nothing left to hide. So now you can no longer call me a liar or a cheater. It is not who I am and I will never be that. Love makes you do some crazy things and in reflection I see I did some crazy things and you did too. If you remove this aspect we had fun young healthy love and we did care about each other.

 

I know you are probably thinking what a loser I am or how pathetic I am acting and I am not upset that you think that. I just put everything on the table. I just hope my actions didn't put you in a mental state that you will regret later. I am truly sorry for that but now that I have written this and that you have read it I cannot be blamed.

 

I think we can agree we don't know what we want and that we definitely don't want what happened in the past. It will never be repeated and if you look closely... it was evolving and it would have been only a matter of time. Anyways, I hope you make smart decisions and stay focused.

 

Keep your eyes on the future and work towards it. You are hurt and broken. I hope you find balance. I won't contact you for a while. Not until I figure things out and find balance in my life. Thank you for your time.

 

ME