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Broke up, dated other girls.. found out my ex is exactly what i want


Jason808

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So my ex broke up with me around March this year, one month later (after arguing alot) I decided that it is best for us if we'd go our seperate ways, we tried being friends but it just didn't work. So I deleted everything from her, facebook, pictures etc. and I've had NC for 4 months. I tried dating other girls but I'm very picky and I realised they didn't match my personality.. Only after dating other girls I realised more that my ex and I were more fitting to eachother then I thought, and perhaps she realised this too.

 

She broke up because she lost the "butterfly" feeling.. I tried convincing it that we aren't two months together anymore and that the "new" feeling just faded. She didn't believe it and saw no other option then to break up, we had been together for a year and eight months.

 

Today is her birthday, I texted her and immediatly I felt this click, the comfort was there and it felt great. I want to call her later this day to congratulate her in a more personal way and I also want to ask her if she wants to go out on a drink with me but I'm having doubts i'm asking it to early..

 

How can I let her know that I still like her and want to take her out on a date accatually.. I need to know if she is willing to but I don't know how to find out..

 

Any advise is appreciated :)

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You can put it all on the line, but if I were you, I'd prepare for not a very good conversation. That's just how it goes. Somehow, they always come around when you just don't care anymore. I had a girl come back 10 months after she dumped me a couple of years ago with all the accompanied BS along the lines of "need space" and "be a friend for now". I texted her one day out of blue with something stupid 'cause I was bored. She immediately told me she is around my apartment and wanted to meet up. We met up to catch up. She told me she went back to her ex (the one who she told me she never would go back to 'cause he was so bad to her), that I was the nicest and greatest guy she ever dated, that she think it is a sign I texted her and I don't have to answer her right now, I can take my time to think about getting back together. But I just didn't care anymore. I never saw her again.

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Just straight up tell her how you feel. Just be prepared that you may not get the response you want, or any at all.

 

Yeah? You think I should tell her that I've dated other girls but that it only made me realise that she is what I want? Because I plan on calling her tonight.

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Yeah? You think I should tell her that I've dated other girls but that it only made me realise that she is what I want? Because I plan on calling her tonight.

 

I seriously don't think what you say will matter too much. It's not like she will be thinking "Ah, well, I wasn't sure about that guy, but now that he said AAAAALLLLL that, hell yeah!" If she wants to get back together, it will happen.

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I seriously don't think what you say will matter too much. It's not like she will be thinking "Ah, well, I wasn't sure about that guy, but now that he said AAAAALLLLL that, hell yeah!" If she wants to get back together, it will happen.

 

True, but who knows maybe she thinks the same.. I told her to not contact me again so it's not weird that she never contacted me (she did one time accatually). But maybe she feels the same, she dated other guys.. I know that. And besides.. quite a while has passed now, perhaps she'll give me another chance.

 

However I have to admit, I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do after not talking for a while.. I could ask her out for a drink, perhaps the slow approach is better

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True, but who knows maybe she thinks the same.. I told her to not contact me again so it's not weird that she never contacted me (she did one time accatually). But maybe she feels the same, she dated other guys.. I know that. And besides.. quite a while has passed now, perhaps she'll give me another chance.

 

However I have to admit, I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do after not talking for a while.. I could ask her out for a drink, perhaps the slow approach is better

 

To be honest, I wouldn't really call her with this. This is not a phone call conversation. It is a face to face conversation. Also, you need to take it easy and see if she even willing to grab some drinks a couple of times. Because if she isn't, there is no point in having that conversation.

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Standard-Fare

The feelings you've been having lately about her may be completely irrelevant. Just because you've reached certain realizations and conclusions doesn't mean she's been following the same track.

 

She's the one who dumped you. It sounds like you only accepted that once you realized there were no other options. It also sounds like she's made no attempt at reconciliation with you during these four months after the breakup. If she was pining for you, chances are you would have heard something from her.

 

You can try to get back in touch with her and tell her about your feelings, and what you've learned from dating others, but it would still be the dumpee groveling to the one who dumped him.

 

Not trying to be harsh, I just think you need to be well-prepared for the possibility that you two are on completely different pages.

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Yeah? You think I should tell her that I've dated other girls but that it only made me realise that she is what I want? Because I plan on calling her tonight.

 

Jason, first and foremost, I totally understand where you're coming from. I did this same thing to my ex, but we broke up...four years ago. That being said, I think you have a better chance than I did. The thing about my ex and I, was that we were close friends before, during, and after us dating. However, I got super lazy, stopped caring about her, and about 6 months after we broke up, regardless of how much she tried to keep in touch, I walked out of her life. Fast forward 2.5 years (we did still stay in touch every couple of months or so on Facebook, random texts, etc., but it was clear we weren't close anymore), I decided two months ago that I missed her like crazy. For the first time in my life I was thinking clearly about where I'm continuing to go, who I am, and the people I want to surround myself with. I went back to her, told her I missed her (NOT that I wanted a relationship with her again), but I did want to be a part of her life again. At first, things were fine. The more I pretended like things were the same as before, and pushed too hard, I ended up pushing her away. My point is, if you're going to tell her how you feel, I would start slow and see how things go. Don't just come flooding out with emotions and feelings, as there's a good chance it's too much for her to handle right now, and you'll push her away for good (or push her away enough that you'll have to go back to NC for a while and let time heal things).

 

My story (some similarities to yours)

 

I would take things somewhat slow at first, but telling her how you feel imo is a good idea, since it two things will happen:

1. She'll respond in such a way that shows she's not interested, and at least you'll get some closure

2. She'll respond in such a way that shows she is interested, and is willing to give things another try.

 

That being said, don't try and relive the past. Things have happened since you two broke up, and even if it hasn't been that long since the breakup, you both need a fresh start from what I'm gathering here.

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No risk, no reward. With that said you have to be willing/able to accept that she doesn't feel the same way and/or that she is in a relationship now with someone else. If you think you can handle the "worse" outcome from your perspective (i.e., accept it; think of it as a clear sign the door is closed and you are to move forward and enjoy life) then go forth.

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