She left open the possibility of reconciliation

[Zard0z]

She broke up with me in September. We kept regukar contact for a few weeks and even had a date where she held my hand and rested on my shoukder at the movies.

 

But for a few reasons, one if them being uncertainty about the future, she decided to move on. I asked her if we resolved this issue of uncertainty, woukd she be open to reconciliation, and she said, 'yes'.

 

That same evening, she told me she was seeing someone new. I was angry, and felt like she played with my emotions. I told this to her and she blocked me. Through sms i appologized and she forgave me.

 

I emailed her telling her how I was preparing to resolve the issues about the uncertainty in our future. But she indicated it was time to move on, but that she will always remember our time together as passionate, warm, and happy.

 

I'm moving on with my life. And have been in NC for nearly a month. But I really would like to pursue her again. But I don't want to smother her either.

 

Do you think calling to catch up in a few weeks is too soon?

[Zahara]

No, leave her alone. She has made it clear that there is no possibility of reconciling. Contacting will do one of two things 1) push her away 2) hurt you even more.

[Zard0z]

No, leave her alone. She has made it clear that there is no possibility of reconciling. Contacting will do one of two things 1) push her away 2) hurt you even more.

 

Everything she did/said indicated otherwise. She even explicitly said she was open to reconciling.

[Simon Phoenix]

Everything she did/said indicated otherwise. She even explicitly said she was open to reconciling.

 

Except that she broke up with you, went with another guy, and blocked you. That overrides everything. She broke up, she fixes. You calling to "check in" just makes you look like a chump in her eyes. Leave her be and let her miss you.

Edited November 14, 2014 by Simon Phoenix

[Zard0z]

Except that she broke up with you, went with another guy, and blocked you. That overrides everything. She broke up, she fixes. You calling to "check in" just makes you look like a chump in her eyes. Leave her be and let her miss you.

 

Yeah, thats another course of action. But I'm not trying to make her miss me. I want to get in touch with her again and try something new.

 

We both improved and matured a lot through the relationship. I supported her through finishing her degree and finding a job. She encouraged me to pursue language study and writing. We both got a lot stronger.

 

But we saw too much of eachother, I got comfortable, and even though I was studying hard in my free time, I didnt have a solid plan to stay in her country. Now I do, and I'm acting on it.

 

I dont want to go back to the old relationship. And we can't because of our schedules. But, I feel there's potential there for something new entirely. One that offers both of us opportunity to grow.

 

And if not, thats fine too. But, I'll never know if I don't make a move. Im seeing a girl now who's a bit younger and a little more fun. But, its not what I want long-term.

Edited November 14, 2014 by Zard0z

[Zard0z]

Oddly, writing this now is helping me get over the old relationship.

 

It seems I'm more attracted to some new dynamic entirely not the old comfort zone. Even though, Im fantasizing about this dynamic with my ex in it.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, thats another course of action. But I'm not trying to make her miss me. I want to get in touch with her again and try something new.

 

We both improved and matured a lot through the relationship. I supported her through finishing her degree and finding a job. She encouraged me to pursue language study and writing. We both got a lot stronger.

 

But we saw too much of eachother, I got comfortable, and even though I was studying hard in my free time, I didnt have a solid plan to stay in her country. Now I do, and I'm acting on it.

 

I dont want to go back to the old relationship. And we can't because of our schedules. But, I feel there's potential there for something new entirely. One that offers both of us opportunity to grow.

 

And if not, thats fine too. But, I'll never know if I don't make a move. Im seeing a girl now who's a bit younger and a little more fun. But, its not what I want long-term.

 

It's up to her to initiate that, not you. She dumped you, she's with someone else, and she blocked you. It takes two to want it, and because she was the one who ended it, it's up to her to express to you that she wants it.

[Zard0z]

It's up to her to initiate that, not you. She dumped you, she's with someone else, and she blocked you. It takes two to want it, and because she was the one who ended it, it's up to her to express to you that she wants it.

 

Thats better i guess. And in a way takes the burden off me.

 

Culture is a but different here (Korea) though inspite of her being fairly westernized (much more so than her friends), so I think she'd expect me to do the contacting.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thats better i guess. And in a way takes the burden off me.

 

Culture is a but different here though inspite of her being fairly westernized (much more so than her friends), so I think she'd expect me to do the contacting.

 

If you are blocked, she doesn't want contact from you. And she was bold enough to break up with you, date another guy, and block you, so I doubt she's as much of a wallflower as you are telling yourself she is.

 

Either way, you need to stay No Contact and stay backed off.

[Zard0z]

She's not a wallflower in the least. Thats not what I meant really. I was actually about to delete that last paragraph cuz it was problematic.

[Zard0z]

And if she doesnt even care about me enough to find out if I'm leaving the country or whatever, then I should probably forget about her anyway.

[Zahara]

Culture is a but different here (Korea) though inspite of her being fairly westernized (much more so than her friends), so I think she'd expect me to do the contacting.

 

It has nothing to do with culture. I come from your part of the world and it's pretty universal when someone dumps you, it's their responsibility to win you and your trust back. And seeing that she blocked you and told you to move on, it's pretty straightforward.

[Zard0z]

It has nothing to do with culture. I come from your part of the world and it's pretty universal when someone dumps you, it's their responsibility to win you and your trust back. And seeing that she blocked you and told you to move on, it's pretty straightforward.

 

Okay, okay. I agree. And even if I did call her to catch up, a lot of what I say will come across as bragging. l'll be taking a week to travel around vietnam in December and also because I have taken some steps in the right direction I think.

 

If she does some day contact me, I will tell her that she needs to tell me what was going on in her mind leading up to the breakup or any further contact wouldn't be worthwhile.