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ex asked me out!!!


newlyborn

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does an invitation to dinner from an ex-boyfriend automatically mean that he is still interested?

 

my ex and i broke up over a year ago because he couldn't deal with our LDR. two months ago i was offered a job in his city, and i moved there. i did not contact him because we are over and not friends. but he found out i moved to town and started contacting me. his most recent contact was to ask what part of town i am living in and if we can have dinner.

 

i loved my ex a lot, but i am basically over him and am dating someone new. (i have heard from a friend that he is single.) is he trying to reconcile, or just be friendly? (he asked for dinner - not coffee, lunch or drinks.) thoughts???

Edited by newlyborn
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SoThatHappened

I'd make sure it's cool with your new guy before you meet your ex for anything. Not that he can tell you what to do, but it may hurt him if you aren't at least honest with him.

 

I think that's step 1.

 

As far as your ex's intentions, we could only guess. I wouldn't over-analyze anything or have false-hopes regarding what his intentions may be.

 

If you're truly over him, you should be able to talk and have a decent conversation and catch up.

 

Another option is to simply state that you would like to just get lunch together on a work day. That way, it will have to be over within an hour and you'll know what his intentions are.

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thanks!

 

yes, i have already told the person i am dating. he just asked me to let him know what i decide.

 

because my ex and i broke up by phone during the LDR, i have not seen him in over a year. i did not feel any pull to be in touch with him when i moved here, but i am afraid that feelings might resurface if we spend time...

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I'm pretty sure he has ideas he wants to reconcile especially since the sole reason for the breakup was distance. Dinner is definitely a reconciliation gesture. If he wanted to simply catch up and say "hi" - drinks or coffee during the day would have been more appropriate.

 

Why don't you let your ex know you're seeing someone and your boyfriend might not be happy with you having dinner with your ex.....I mean that's what I would do.

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evanescentworld

Sorry.

In your shoes, I'd be -

 

"Thanks for the invitation, but the past is past, I have moved on, and have a new guy in my life. Best of luck with yours.

Take care, bye. <name>."

 

And then block off all contact.

 

Honestly, don't do this to either yourself, or to him.

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People are making solid points on this thread. You still care, otherwise you wouldn't be posting here. So you probably need to be honest with yourself first, whatever you do. And if you're seeing someone seriously not just casually then you should decline the invitation.

 

People always want to know things in advance. Like when someone receives a present and they ask, "What is it??" while holding it in their hands. The other person always says, "Well open it and find out!"

 

Obviously he will answer the question you are asking all of us here on LS once the two of you meet up for dinner. If you choose to meet with him, that is.

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thanks for all the great advice! it is so thoughtful and so helpful. i have decided to do nothing for now, to give myself a bit more time to decide.

 

the new guy and i have only been dating for a month, but i think we have the promise of becoming serious. and i want to give it a chance. also, i have just started a new job, and i don't want complications (or even anxiety) about the ex to derail my early progress.

 

besides, the ex let me go and didn't talk to me in over a year. i know that distance is hard, but if he'd really wanted the relationship, he would have hung in there. so, if he continues to be in touch and to be kind, i may make a different decision later. but, for now, i think i need to avoid him and to keep moving on with my new life in my new city.

 

thanks again!!!

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