Is my ex-girlfriend in a rebound relationship?

[Mottobuhr]

Hello all,

 

First-time user, here. I hope I don't get into too much trouble for "not using the search function," but I've done quite a bit of research regarding rebound relationships on the forums here, and I just wanted to share my situation and see what kind of answers and advice I can get.

 

My ex-girlfriend of three years and I broke up mutually about three months ago. However, she begged and begged to get back together with me. I was still upset from the breakup, and being the stubborn male I am, I told her no.

 

About three weeks later, she moved from the country to the city (where I live) for school, and I see on Facebook that she's in quite a few Facebook photos with a guy. I told myself it didn't bother me at first, but about a month later, I see the "Your ex and that-one-dude-that-you-said-didn't-bother-you" are in a relationship on Facebook.

 

My heart sank. And to my surprise, I found myself texting her that night, not begging for her back, but telling her that he looks like a nice guy, and that I'm happy that she found someone--through gnashing teeth, of course.

 

The next day, she called me and I lost my composure. I told her I still have feelings for her, but it's not appropriate to discuss as she has a boyfriend, now. She would send me texts here and there, saying it hurts to see me hurt like this, and that I'll aways have a special place in her heart, and that she's praying for me, etc. Since then, I've strictly applied the "No Contact" rule.

 

Out of nowhere, I see that she blocked me on Facebook. I wanted to be upset at first, but something told me this might be a blessing in disguise. After all, I don't think I could have possibly done anything to go as far as block me. She still follows me on other social media (Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat). I'm still in a few Instagram pictures on her account, and she sends me SnapChats occasionally, (hell, she sent me one this morning. On her birthday of all days). Ah, you caught me. Yes, today is her birthday and I feel a need to reach out. I appreciate you getting this far. :-)

 

After much pacing around my house, I sent her a text this morning (it's been about a month since contact), genuinely wishing her a happy birthday, and I wished her the best. She replied a few hours later with "Thank you, [my name]. That was sweet. I wish you the best, too."

 

I've decided to implement the "No Contact" rule until Christmas. After doing some covert stalking, a few red flags have popped up: Apparently the guy she's dating filed for divorce the same month that my ex-girlfriend and I broke up (he's 25, she's 24, and I'm 22 for perspective). He already met her ENTIRE family after knowing each other for about a week (it took me about 4-5 months before I even met her parents, and even longer for her extended family). It took us about a year before we became "Facebook Official" as the kiddos call it. And when she called me, she told me all about how he adores her, and cherishes her, and never wanted to let her go since he met her. I have no idea how I contained myself from saying "Bull----,." but I did. I try not to overanalyze, but she's viewed every single one of my SnapChat "My Stories." Every. Single. One. And I don't think she realizes I can see who views them.

 

If you've made it this far, I can't begin to explain how much it means to me just to have my story heard. I'm doing significantly better than I was a month ago. I've learned to turn my negative thought into art through writing and playing my guitar. It just feels good to take what's in my head and turn it into something physical, you know? And I've decided to box up everything in my room that reminds me of her, tonight. I also fancy a glass of wine, now and then. Especially tonight. ;-)

 

One last thing. I don’t know if this matters, but I feel like it’s important to share. We broke up before, and about five months later we got back together. She was upfront with me and she told me she had slept with someone to try and forget about me, but she said she couldn’t, that she regretted doing it, and she felt disgusting (we were each other’s firsts). I appreciated her honesty, and was by no means upset with her. Our relationship the second time was even better than the first.

 

I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions about my situation, as well as if you think my ex-girlfriend may have tried to replace that void of being devastated from an unnecessary breakup with a lustful relationship a little too soon.

 

From the bottom of my shattered (but healing) heart, thank you.

[CC12]

I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions about my situation, as well as if you think my ex-girlfriend may have tried to replace that void of being devastated from an unnecessary breakup with a lustful relationship a little too soon.

 

I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear, but you probably already realize this to some extent since you seem like a rational person: Her dating life is absolutely none of your business. I know on some level, you're maybe just looking out for her and don't want her to get hurt. But on a deeper level, I feel like you're almost waiting, hoping, that their relationship will fail so that you'll have a chance with her again. It's pretty normal, but it's not very nice. Try to wish her the best so you can move on.

 

The covert stalking, as you called it, has to stop. You know it has to stop. You know way too much about her new boyfriend and their relationship. You've got to let all this go. Boxing up her stuff was a good move. Keep writing and playing your guitar and spending your time doing positive things instead of checking up on her. You might even consider calling a moratorium on all social networking sites for several weeks/months. It will probably do you a lot of good to not see or hear anything about her for a while.

 

Good luck. I know it's hard and that you're hurting, but things will get better and you're going to be okay.

[Mottobuhr]

Hello CC12,

 

Thank you for the reply. I agree. I need to completely block her from all social networking. Do I need to go as far as blocking and/or unfollowing her, or can I just discipline myself to not go on her profile/log in at all? Because I know I have the discipline to do that.

 

You're not wrong in saying that I'm hoping their relationship will fail. I really did wish her and her new boyfriend the best. I know I'll be able to move on with my life and not think about her so much. I just want her and I to be happy. But I know my feelings towards her will remain, and I'm okay with that. I'm just curious when their honeymoon period ends. I'm not saying I'm waiting for her. And if they do end up breaking up, I'm not going to immediately re-introduce myself into her life, although I know she would want me to.

[CC12]

Thank you for the reply. I agree. I need to completely block her from all social networking. Do I need to go as far as blocking and/or unfollowing her, or can I just discipline myself to not go on her profile/log in at all? Because I know I have the discipline to do that.

 

Actually, I was suggesting that you consider not using any social media at all. Just unplug for a while. You're on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat, etc. That's a lot of distraction and a lot of time/energy that you could use on something more productive. Focus on yourself. Go outside. Take a short trip to go hiking and play your guitar at the beach or something. Change up some habits.