Texts with ex

[BrokenSam]

My girlfriend of 2 years and I broke up 3 weeks ago. It was mutual because we were fighting a lot but afterward I missed her. She was going out with "the girls" and I feel she might have gotten with someone else before the break up but it's only speculation at this time.

Right after we sat down and decided to break up we ended up having very passionate sex and falling asleep. The next morning she stuck to her guns with the break up though.

So ofcourse I tried right away to get her back. Nothing too bad. I just knew if we (I) had communicated better we would have been ok. We couldn't stand the way we treated each other which led to us treating each other worse.

I got nowhere so I went No contact for almost a week as my emotions flew all over the place. I erased all her texts so I wouldn't reread them forever. She wasn't texting me back much anyway. Finally I had to text her.

 

Me:Hey can you just be straight with me so I can move on. If I'm just an a***** fine but I'm sick of waking up feeling something different everyday

 

Her:Not sure what you think. That's what I feel. Trying not to be mean but I can't do this. I miss u but don't want to talk about us. I'm good on my own and want u to move on. Be happy! sorry

 

Me: If you don't want to be with me I will leave you alone but it will take a long time to move on. If you told me you were screwing some guy from the bar it would go a lot faster.

 

Her: Didn't do this cuz there's someone else. Did it because I wasn't happy

 

Me: Ok I guess I can live with that. I wasn't happy either and I should have fixed it when I had the chance. I'm sorry for my end of it.

 

Her: I'm sorry too.

Later that night I went out and was drinking

Me:I just want you to know (her cats name) will never jump over another guy in bed like she jumped over me.

No response for 17 hours then this

Her: Yes (the cat) will miss u too. This totally sucks but will be ok

 

Me: I'm gonna take this time to get some of my **** together. I love you and agree we were not going to solve our problems staying together. Hopefully in the future things will be different.

 

Her: Gonna make me cry! Love you too & maybe things can be different in the future XOXO

MeO

5 hours later

Her: Pics of the cat on my side of the bed. She writes Do not text back or i'll block you! Just want you to know I miss you sooo much & really sad.

Me: Who is this?

 

Her: Pics of me with the cat. She write's told u not to text me!!!

Next day

Me: Sent her a meme of kittens asking how was your day?

 

Her: Sucky. Errands and PMS but they're so cute. Yours?

Her: Guess you're just waking up so you're day just started. (a dig)

 

Me: No been at the oyster festival all day. Just went out to dinner with blank and blank for blanks birthday

 

Her: Ok. Have fun! It's nice out

 

Me: I'm with the couple I met when I went out on that boat

Her: Cool They set you up with their friend? That would be good

Me: No friends but they're from this town so they're showing me all the places I didn't know about

Her:That's fun! Anywhere good? Tell me later don't be rude. I'm going to lunch tomorrow with blank. I'll text you after.

Me:OK

Her: If you're alive around 2 maybe we meet for a drink or something

Her: Or is that wrong?

Me: Too soon too soon lol

Her:Ok

Me: I do want to though

Her: I won't text u Be safe! XO

Me: You can text me XO

Her:K. When I get home. That's safe (typo?)

Me:K

 

Shoulda left it at that. 3 hours later

 

Me: Hi

Her: At a party right now with blank

Me: Cool

Later that night

Me: Thinking of you if you're awake. If not disregard cuz you're mean in the AM.

Her: Not home. with blank (girlfriend) going home now

Me: I'm with blank. You met him before

Next morning

Her: Who's that?

I didn't respond

Next day we texted various chit chat and said good night

Day after that

Me: How's things?

Her: Crappy but ok. Yours?

Me: Busy but ok. Why crappy?

Her: Got my period and I'm very sad about things

Me: Why? It'll be over in 9-15 days

Her: Lol 5-6

We had some back and forth chitchat. She told me she was reading a book which is a good sign.

Me: Ok i'll let you read

Her: K. Almost done for the night

That night I made arrangements to send her flowers the next day. Card said A kiss for every day of the week. Signed Love, NOT FROM ME. They were delivered before she got home from work. I get a call from florist that she denied the flowers and could they tell her who sent them. I said yes. Who did she think sent the freakin flowers? Red flag?

Immediately I get a text

Her: Pic of flowers and she says They're amazing. Thank u! But you shouldn't have!!! Lol XO

Me: I figured they'd go with your Halloween decorations lol

Her: Yes! Purple roses lol! But you didn't have to do that. I really love them though.

Me: Good

Her: I liked the card too.

Me:Yay!

 

Now nothing from her 4 hours latter. Doubt i'll get a goodnight. I wanna know why she didn't know they were from me. They said her name but I signed it Not from me as a joke. Might just be me being paranoid and thinking too much. She does have guy friends that might try to move in.

I'm gonna go no contact again unless I hear from her. I understand I'm being a little in her face for the "no contact" believers but we're older and doing what I feel is how I'm gonna do it. Not sure if I could get back with her if there's someone else cuz he would have been there before the breakup 3 weeks ago. Sorry for the length and thanks for any opinions.

[BrokenSam]

Update: got a goodnight 4 hours later

A day later

Her: HI

Me: HI

HER: How was your day?

Me: Told her about something good at work and asked how she was

HER: I'm ok. Just getting ready for bed & wanted to say hi

chitchat

Her: That's great. How are you feeling?

Me: Physically? Fine. Got of antibiotics and they worked (had a sinus infection that wouldn't quit)

HER: Awesome! Finally. Are u sad?

Me: Sad about u or sad I don't have a constant headache and fever all the time?

Her: LOL. About us

Me: I'm so happy you are texting me goodnight I don't even remember being sad

HER:K. I don't want you to be sad!! So glad u feel better

ME: Me too

HER:K. Going to bed now. Sleep good! Goodnight. XO

Me: XO

 

Nothing in the last 24 hours. I don't know what to think. I don't know if she feels guilty. Loves me. Is using me for attention. Sad. No freakin idea. The weekend is almost here so I don't know if I will hear from her but I will do my best to not contact her

[ThorntonMelon]

I hope you succeed in not texting her. Right now she's not bringing out your best.

 

We've all been there, and it will get better, but right now you're coming off...less than you'd like to be.

[CalvinM]

Move on. You're coming off as effeminate. Mentioning the cat? Grow some balls dude.

 

Trust me, this isn't helping your situation.

[hedyo]

Continuing in this way will not end well. Leave her alone for a couple of months and focus on yourself. I don't see any real desire to reconcile in her texts, and you're not going to persuade her. Let her see what life is like without you.

[selena_cat]

Bread crumbs,anything other than I want you back is just tossing half a croutons not the real thing,its torture, what can you do to put an end to this dead end texting?

[Dontfindme]

Oh God, it hurt to read that conversation. It was a horrific reminder of all the groveling, and a**-kissing I've done to try to hold on to my ex.

 

Block her, please. Get your dignity back. You will look back on this, in the future, and cringe as I have just done.

 

She's not worth it. She's living, clearly - going about her life. She doesn't give a damn about what you're doing or how you're feeling, or even who you're with.

 

All she cared for was that ego boost:

 

ER: Awesome! Finally. Are u sad?

Me: Sad about u or sad I don't have a constant headache and fever all the time?

Her: LOL. About us

Me: I'm so happy you are texting me goodnight I don't even remember being sad

HER:K. I don't want you to be sad!! So glad u feel better

 

Bull****. She wants you to feel sad. Why ask that question anyway? She wants to hear that you're pining for her.

 

Don't give her that. Stop inflating her already elevated sense of self.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, that was painful to read. Please stop doing that.

[Arieswoman]

BrokenSam,

Please stop texting your ex.

 

Go NC and heal yourself.

 

But I think you really knew that didn't you?

 

Good luck.

[BrokenSam]

Thanks everyone. Great responses. A lot of my responses to her were sarcastic so I'm not a total wussbag. Only 80% lol. I know I was showing weakness and normally I would employ full on NC but her issues with me are neglect and me not being able to show feelings so that's why I'm on the fence. I can handle whatever pain comes. If she didn't cheat on me I need to get her back. If she did then I doubt I could. If she gave our relationship some mourning time then I can except it if we can't work it out

[Arieswoman]

BrokenSam,

No-one said your were/are a wussbag - but you aren't respecting yourself.

 

She's broken up with you = she doesn't want a relationship with you anymore.

 

Please read this ^^^^ until you get it.

 

She's using you for sex ( as we've already seen) and as a bolster against those feelings of loneliness that she doesn't want to face just yet. I'm sorry, but you must accept that she's choosing not to be with you. She doesn't want you to text her - and she says so here ;

 

She writes Do not text back or i'll block you!

 

I know (and we've all been there) that it's very tempting to settle for a lot less than you deserve because you are in love with someone. Please don't do it.

You deserve a girl who can treat you well and have a healthy relationship with you, based on mutual love trust and respect.

 

Let go of your ex and start getting ready to meet that new girl, who is out there somewhere.

 

Good luck.

[BrokenSam]

When she wrote that, she did want me to respond though lol. Even if it was only to make her feel good. I need closure. I don't care how I look. I'm thinking of writing her and accusing her of cheating and telling her what she lost etc. And if she really cares she'll admit it and I can start concentrating on that and get on with my life. Again she really did love me and still does. She's a very stern person. I don't have the greatest luck so the few times towards the end she was out with "the girls" and met a good looking guy saying nice things (when is that possible lol) If that's all it takes to get rid of me I know it was all bull****

[Arieswoman]

BrokenSam,

 

You said

 

I need closure.

 

No, you don't,

 

Bad Breakup? How to Get Beyond Closure | Psychology Today

 

you just want an excuse to contact her again.

 

Look at it this way. If you'd have a wound that was healing, would you keep pulling the scab of it? - No, I didn't think so.

Yet this is what you are doing to yourself every time you contact her. It's only feeding her ego and stopping you from healing.

 

Please go NC.

Look at the advice on this site about how to do NC.

It will hurt - badly - but in the end you will heal.

 

Good luck.

[BrokenSam]

I've been NC. I want to save the relationship if I'm just paranoid. It's not denial I just don't trust my own judgement. I actually want to write her and rip her up as nicely as I can. If she won't just say yeah screwing a guy but still want your attention then I have to make her so I can get over this. I can't end it without knowing and I can live with it either way

[hedyo]

I've been NC. I want to save the relationship if I'm just paranoid. It's not denial I just don't trust my own judgement. I actually want to write her and rip her up as nicely as I can. If she won't just say yeah screwing a guy but still want your attention then I have to make her so I can get over this. I can't end it without knowing and I can live with it either way

 

NC for less than a week is not NC. You need to go months without contact to get over someone. Right now you're in an emotional headspace and every gut instinct you have is wrong. Only when you get some distance will you be able to make good decisions and behave in a way that might attract her back. Why does there have to be another guy for you to have closure? Plenty of people break up just because they're unhappy in the relationship they're in. From what you've posted she's trying to be nice, but isn't interested in getting back together right now.

[BrokenSam]

Yes I understand. I can't help thinking of the good times. I'm not ready to stay focused on the bad times. I'd rather get a knife through the heart then get stabbed daily with a fork until I bleed to death lol. I'm in NC now and will saty there but I really don't know how to handle it when she contacts me again. Not responding is what most will say but the main reason she left was because she felt neglected

[Dontfindme]

Yes I understand. I can't help thinking of the good times. I'm not ready to stay focused on the bad times. I'd rather get a knife through the heart then get stabbed daily with a fork until I bleed to death lol. I'm in NC now and will saty there but I really don't know how to handle it when she contacts me again. Not responding is what most will say but the main reason she left was because she felt neglected

 

Here's the perfect response for when she contacts you again: Block her, everywhere.

[hedyo]

Yes I understand. I can't help thinking of the good times. I'm not ready to stay focused on the bad times. I'd rather get a knife through the heart then get stabbed daily with a fork until I bleed to death lol. I'm in NC now and will saty there but I really don't know how to handle it when she contacts me again. Not responding is what most will say but the main reason she left was because she felt neglected

 

Personally, I think going NC without telling the other person makes it too easy to break. I told my ex I was going NC. Not in a dramatic way, just "Hey, I really like you and hope we can be friends one day, but I'm not ready for that quite yet. I need a few months to get my head together." He respected that, and didn't contact me (although we are in contact now, to discuss reconciling). If someone doesn't respect your decision, I think it is ok to ignore them.

 

Of course, it is really important that you stick to what you say at this point, so don't say you're cutting contact and then text her two days later. You need to delete her number, leave your phone at home when you're drinking, have a friend you can call when you want to call her, etc. Set yourself up for success.

[BrokenSam]

Good advice hedyo. I've been NC already for 3 days so I'm not going to contact her to tell her I'm not going to contact her lol. I'm sure i'll get a text eventually but I doubt it will be anything beneficial to our relationship. I'll probably reply but be short with her. Good luck with your reconciliation

[BrokenSam]

So I was just on here like I usually am 2-3 hours a day reading posts and she texts me Hi. I was actually expecting/hoping for it. So I was like S**t! and immediately searched She just texted etc. lol. Didn't find anything ofcourse so I texted her back Hi a while later. She wanted to know how I was etc. I talked to her like I was just B.S.ing with a guy friend. I'm sure she misses me but I don't know if she's texting for that or stringing me along. If she misses me, I already left the door open so she should know the balls in her court. She might be too proud at the moment to show weakness and I feel the same. Again our break up is about a month old and she felt I neglected her which is true so being "whatever" when she contacts me is difficult. She asked what I did last weekend and I said I just went out. She said Ok, Be careful doing whatever! So I know she's thinking like I'm thinking atleast. So I guess NC again lol

[Simon Phoenix]

So I was just on here like I usually am 2-3 hours a day reading posts and she texts me Hi. I was actually expecting/hoping for it. So I was like S**t! and immediately searched She just texted etc. lol. Didn't find anything ofcourse so I texted her back Hi a while later. She wanted to know how I was etc. I talked to her like I was just B.S.ing with a guy friend. I'm sure she misses me but I don't know if she's texting for that or stringing me along. If she misses me, I already left the door open so she should know the balls in her court. She might be too proud at the moment to show weakness and I feel the same. Again our break up is about a month old and she felt I neglected her which is true so being "whatever" when she contacts me is difficult. She asked what I did last weekend and I said I just went out. She said Ok, Be careful doing whatever! So I know she's thinking like I'm thinking atleast. So I guess NC again lol

 

Yeah, you really need to get some self-control and stop this. I would block her if you can't be strong enough on your own.

[BrokenSam]

Damn you Simon phoenix lol! Listen I've been reading a lot of posts on here. Seen a lot of messes. You're always NO CONTACT! I've got plenty of time to heal if that's not the case. I don't know what her intentions are but I'm positive she still loves me. These days though love isn't always what matters. I think No Contact is only to heal yourself. If she comes back and everyone shoots rainbows out of they're asses than all the better. We've been broken up a month. It was mutual then I pussied out for a week. The balls in her court. The contact is from her. I already told her how I feel and I'm not gonna do it again. I turned down a meet up and will probably turn down the next but only because I feel we need to be apart to be able to get back together

[Simon Phoenix]

Damn you Simon phoenix lol! Listen I've been reading a lot of posts on here. Seen a lot of messes. You're always NO CONTACT! I've got plenty of time to heal if that's not the case. I don't know what her intentions are but I'm positive she still loves me. These days though love isn't always what matters. I think No Contact is only to heal yourself. If she comes back and everyone shoots rainbows out of they're asses than all the better. We've been broken up a month. It was mutual then I pussied out for a week. The balls in her court. The contact is from her. I already told her how I feel and I'm not gonna do it again. I turned down a meet up and will probably turn down the next but only because I feel we need to be apart to be able to get back together

 

Yes, I'm always No Contact because No Contact is the best approach 99 percent of the time. What you are doing is not the best approach ever. Even if your goal is reconciliation, you need time apart. And time apart means NO CONTACT of any kind. No texting, no calling, no social media stalking, nothing. Even telling her that you don't want to meet up is too much contact. Just because she's texting you does not mean she wants to be with you or that she still loves you romantically. I mean, your case is a dime a dozen on here unfortunately. I'm not advising No Contact because I'm mean -- I'm advising it because it's the way to go.

[xUnknown]

You're doing the opposite of what you want here Sam.

 

You want her to miss you. By you responding to every text, she's getting that "fix" she wants. She knows you're going to respond. So, she does it to get that fix. Sooner or later, those texts are going to stop coming...then, you're left worse than you are now - because you thought she wanted to get back together. Nope. She's been using you to help herself get over you. She's slowly starting to ween off of you.

 

Stop the contact. You need to tell her " X, I think it would be best if you stop contacting me. I need to move on and having you contact me isn't doing that. My door is open for the discussion of reconciliation, but anything other than that, I'm sorry. I wish you the best of luck".

 

Please, do this. For yourself.

[BrokenSam]

Thanks. You guys are absolutely right. I'm in the middle of writing a short text to have ready the next time she texts me. Going to keep it in my wallet. I need it to be short and perfect because I know her response will probably be "K" and there's a good chance it will be the last thing she hears from me. What a waste lol.