Rejected Rosebud Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 5 years ago when I was young (19) I was engaged to the love of my life, but I cheated on him. I was stupid, he was the only guy I had been with and I guess I wanted to see what was out there. I told him the truth and he left me, I don't blame him a bit. He moved out of state and cut all contact with me, I emailed him and called him a lot for a few months but he did not respond. So I left him alone except for his birthday and Christmas, and the date we were supposed to have our wedding, when I send him a letter by mail. I still tell him that I am sorry and that I care a lot for him. Last month, he moved back here. He sent me an email telling me he was coming back. And now he has called me. When I talked to him all my feelings came back. I felt like he was feeling it too. He asked me to have lunch with him on Wednesday. Of course I said yes! I am dying! I am so hopeful but scared at the same time. I wonder if he could want to get back together now. I pray that he does. What do you think? I don't even know how I can wait until Wednesday! Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Please be cautious. I understand your excitement but being cheated on is a brutal experience. He likely has myriad feelings and once you're face to face, more may emerge for him--good and bad. It's impossible to say which feelings will prevail. But because you sound truly remorseful, I hope only good comes from your lunch Wednesday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rejected Rosebud Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 Thank you for your good advice. Yes I am remorseful, I have been for 5 whole years. That is the worst thing I have ever done by far. I can't dare think that I might have a chance and at the same time I can't help but hope. I hardly can deal with myself, I am so nervous and excited. My plan is to just let things be, and see how it goes, without letting my hopes and fear get in the way. Thank you, I will report back after if I can survive that long! Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Your plan for Wednesday sounds perfect. Not to put too fine a point on it, but prepare yourself for holding space for him if he decides to express his upset. You're tender too, so my concern is things could degrade into an emotional puddle should he start to anger. You're carrying a lot of guilt. So yes, just prepare yourself for digging deep should you need to remain calm. Anyway, yes! Pleeeeease update! And welcome to LS. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 I think there could be a possibility for reconciliation here. It's been 5 years, so you have both changed a lot. You were very young at the time. I wouldn't even bring up the cheating or try to apologize at the lunch. Just see what he has to say since he was the one who initiated it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rejected Rosebud Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 Our lunch date isn't for 4 hours and I'm already trying to get ready. Oh God, I am a wreck. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Our lunch date isn't for 4 hours and I'm already trying to get ready. Oh God, I am a wreck. Try to take the pressure off by remembering that you'll likely need a series of talks--and it's not all "do or die" today. Today is just to gauge what feelings may be there ; untangling them all will likely take several meetings. And then there's the passing of time. It's been five years. People can change a lot in that amount of time. So maybe approach this with the intention of learning who he is now. And sharing the same with him. Try not to put yourself on trial today. Make this a discovery process. Link to post Share on other sites
LifeGoesOnMan Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 god speed! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rejected Rosebud Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 Hi to all who responded. We had a wonderful lunch. It was really hard for me to keep it light. Plus I kept wanting to climb over the table and kiss him. In the past 5 years I have barely dated because I was so messed up about what I had done. But HE was engaged during this time. He broke it off 6 months ago. He said she was great but he came to realize he did not see them spending their lives together. I have a lot of feelings about that and I even feel jealous though I know that is completely out of line, but I can't help my feelings. We did not talk about my unfaithfulness but he did say that he had no more bad feelings towards me and thought a lot about all the good things. After lunch we spent almost 3 hours walking and talking. We hugged and I felt like we were back together. Anyway we are going to see each other on the weekend. He has gone back to finish moving out of his appartment where he was living. I am a mess. I feel like he is my boyfriend or even fiancee again but I know he is checking me out and his own feelings as well so I need to hold myself back. I can barely concentrate at work. He has texted me a few times, really nice, he is not the type to text a lot but I am looking at my phone obsessively. It's stressful but I am really happy too. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Interesting situation. You definitely need to keep yourself in check, both in your behavior with him and your internal emotions. Don't automatically assume that he wants to get back with you. It's been five years... you're both different people now. He could very well just want to have you around as a confidante since you're living close together now. I think this one's all up to him, given your past. You have to see if he behaves "romantically" around you or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Bluesandy Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 (edited) Hi to all who responded. We had a wonderful lunch. It was really hard for me to keep it light. Plus I kept wanting to climb over the table and kiss him. In the past 5 years I have barely dated because I was so messed up about what I had done. But HE was engaged during this time. He broke it off 6 months ago. He said she was great but he came to realize he did not see them spending their lives together. I have a lot of feelings about that and I even feel jealous though I know that is completely out of line, but I can't help my feelings. We did not talk about my unfaithfulness but he did say that he had no more bad feelings towards me and thought a lot about all the good things. After lunch we spent almost 3 hours walking and talking. We hugged and I felt like we were back together. Anyway we are going to see each other on the weekend. He has gone back to finish moving out of his appartment where he was living. I am a mess. I feel like he is my boyfriend or even fiancee again but I know he is checking me out and his own feelings as well so I need to hold myself back. I can barely concentrate at work. He has texted me a few times, really nice, he is not the type to text a lot but I am looking at my phone obsessively. It's stressful but I am really happy too. Thanks! Be careful, don't rush anything.... Same thing happened to me... My University sweetheart of 3 years dumped me for another guy, and I moved away in another town.. Then I met another girl, even if I was so wounded by my previous relationship, and that she didn't compete with her.. I stayed 3 years with that second relation and then we splitted, and then got several other relationships. After a year, so 4 years after the split with my first love, she came back in my town, looking for me.. I was excited to see her again, and apparently, she splitted as well with the guy she left me for and was looking for me cause she never forget me (i was her first as well and like you, she needed to see what was in the other side of the fence..). So we met, and we even made love together several times.. She apparently was deeply in love again with me, but in my head, something was broken.. I couldn't retrieve the level of highness I was at that time, and I couldn't connect again with her... then I met my future wife and flew away in another continent to be with my wife. I didn't lost the contact with my first love, each time I came back to europe, I still meet my first love again, always to have sex, but the mental connection on my part wasn't here anymore. Then she married another guy, and we both had kids with our respective spouse. Then she divorced a few years ago, so did I last year and she tried a few times to connect with me again. And we made love again.. ..... 30 years after our initial split... But I couldn't hide it anymore. I was not attracted to her the same way we were.. That strange, a part of me wanted to connect again with her rationnaly, but I think all the wounded parts of me prevented me to fall back with her.. So be careful... go for it slowly, don't expect to much... If you want to connect with him again, it has to be on different bases than the first love you had... if not, his mind could trick him the same way it tricked me... Good luck... By the way, I told her as well I didn't have bad feeling for her anymore, what was true... but the good feelings was not as great anymore.. Edited October 28, 2014 by Bluesandy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Thanks for updating, RR. I agree with everyone cautioning you to go slow, and manage your feelings. Good to hear it went well though! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Good luck with everything. Come back to let us know how it goes! Link to post Share on other sites
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