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OMG! Ex text me - what do I do?!


YoungLondoner

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YoungLondoner

My boyfriend and I recently broke up for a second time. We separated for two months at the start of the year (he broke up with me) but then two months later he decided he couldn't stay missing me and miserable so came back to me. Then last week we broke up again. Both times it has been because he's worried about our age gap being too great (although he won't admit directly I am certain he loves me - he's introduced me to his children, family, etc. and we were living together).

 

Do you think he'll come back to me again? What is the best thing I can do to make him feel certain of his feelings for me, want me back and miss me? I'm sure he already is missing me. What's the best thing I can do to make our future together most likely? The second time (most recently) that we broke-up it was after a really honest and mutual conversation about the future and while I didnt want a break-up I accepted it graciously. He's considerably older and unlikely to find someone like me again (I hope -anyway)! Tips/suggestions to make him realise that we should be together and get him to to want me back?

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redheadedglasses

Hi :)

 

Im in the same boat as you, although the split was for different reasons. All couples are different but I think the best way is to step back and let him make up his own mind. Don't bug him, try and keep low/no contact so he can work it out in his own head.

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YoungLondoner

My boyfriend and I broke up about two weeks ago. I've not heard from him since but he's travelling for work (back home tomorrow). We broke up in Feb for a couple of months but were both so miserable and when he thought he was losing me to a job abroad he came back to me.

 

Anyway, he's now saying he just doesn't feel strongly enough about me. However, he says he knows how hard it will be to live without me (we were living together) and that he'll miss me a lot. Now, a few months ago he asked me to move in and signs all showed he was really keen on me so I think he might just be hung up on our age gap.

 

Based on him wanting me back after we broke up previously do you think there's a good chance he'll come back to me? What can I do? I've maintained no-contact and am just trying to focus on myself.

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If he doesn't feel strongly about you, I'm not sure why he would come back.

People who return because of attachment are not people you want to be with. He's not coming back for YOU, he's doing it for himself; fear, loneliness, convenience, etc.

 

Why would you want someone who doesn't feel strongly about you anyway? I'm happy to hear that you're doing NC- the only hangup seems to be that you're still focusing on him, and all the ifs and buts.

 

Don't worry about him. Stick to NC and work on yourself. With a clear mind and some time, I think you'll soon realize what you need to.

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YoungLondoner

My ex broke up with me about two weeks ago. However, he been abroad on work since we broke up.

 

He's just returned to his home (where we lived together) and has text me a REALLY long text telling me what he's been up to abroad, how he's noticed the change without me at home but how his children are with him tonight so he won't have time to "brood" and that he's hoping I'm well and everything is positive. He also said at the end that he's found my watch which I left by mistake and asking how best to return it? Also ended the text with "much love, xx"

 

What do I DO? I'd love him back and it's the second time we've broken up (on account of his concerns about our age gap) - last time he came back to me after two months. When should I reply and what should I say? Am I reading too much into this or does the fact that he's texted me as soon as he's returned home show a good sign? HELP! I'd love him back.

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You said you both have broken up on account of the age gap. Your last thread mentioned that he broke up because he wasn't feeling it with you.

 

They come back because they do miss the attachment, and nothing more. He's probably melancholy and missing what he had but when someone dumps you twice -- it's a pretty good indicator that they keep coming back for all the wrong reasons.

 

If I were you I would stay NC and move on. Unless, you want to be dumped for a third time.

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If its an expensive watch that you can't live without....say "drop it in the mail" and that's it. Otherwise, ignore.

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YoungLondoner
They come back because they do miss the attachment, and nothing more. He's probably melancholy and missing what he had but when someone dumps you twice -- it's a pretty good indicator that they keep coming back for all the wrong reasons.

 

Do you think there's any way to make him come back to me for the right reasons (eg. If I leave him missing and chasing me for longer)? Could I make him permanently realise his own feelings and love me fully? If so, how?

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Do you think there's any way to make him come back to me for the right reasons (eg. If I leave him missing and chasing me for longer)? Could I make him permanently realise his own feelings and love me fully? If so, how?

 

There is no way to make someone come back to you for the right reasons or make them love you. The reason for him ending it is because he doesn't feel strongly for you. How are you going to make him realize his own feelings when he's already telling you how he feels for you?

 

There is nothing you can do to change that. He's ended with you twice. It's apparent that what he feels isn't strong enough to maintain longevity.

 

You need to let go.

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If there is one thing I'm learning through my break up, it's that sometimes you just need to let things happen the way they are suppose to happen and stop trying to control everything. I would say if you feel like you are strong enough to talk with him and be friendly without constantly worrying about getting back together, then maybe suggest that the two of you get together for lunch so he can return your watch and you can hear about his travels and catch up a bit. Then leave it at that. Don't try to continue contacting him, if he wants to continue a mutual friendship he will contact you.

 

However, seems like you might not be able to control your emotions pertaining to him so if you do some soul searching and find that is the case, I would say have him mail you your watch and move on with your life. No contact.

 

:)

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Not to be rude but him dumping a younger girl because of an age gap is one of two things. Either he is getting teased a lot by friends and coworkers or you are a little too immature for him. I am in no way saying it as a bad thing but obviously a younger girl is less mature than a much older man. Maybe he feels he can't keep up with you?

 

I dated a 25 year old when I was 35 and even tho she was super intelligent and smoking hot the things that bothered me were that she wanted to go out and drink and party every night and I was done with that at that point in my life. Plus she was always giggling about something and it drove me insane. Lol but I did end up falling very in love with her and she did mature a lot over the next couple years.

 

If it is just the age difference then talk to him about it. Because he is not being honest with you. A guy doesn't dump a girl he loves.

 

As far as some advice. If you are going to take him back you need to really make him pay for it and suffer a little because you have already showed him that he can stomp on your heart any time he wants and there are no repercussions.

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Oh and side note. my younger girl ended up dumping me a few years later because she still hadn't lived her life and I was ready to settle down. So there is a slight possibility that he knows down the road you are going to dump him and he is trying to protect himself now.

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Young londoner,

he's an EX, he broke up with you, remember, twice?

 

As long as you allow him to keep picking you up and dropping you he'll carry on doing it. Don't allow it.

 

Delete his number/block him or get a new 'phone number.

 

Stay strong and move on - good luck.

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YoungLondoner

Thanks for all the support. I left it 24 hours then sent a very casual short/casual reply saying no rush on the watch front and that I was having a great time surfing and sailing. Ended it with "have a great week ahead" (a polite way to end a conversation) and within minutes he sent another reply (touching upon a personal memory from our time together). To that I've not replied and I wont. He'll reach out again in the next five days or so... guaranteed. My focus though will be on ME! :D

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If a guy had dumped me twice, there is nothing he could say that I would see as good news. Him getting in touch would be sickening to me. If you really want the watch back, text him to put it in the post and don't acknowledge anything else.

 

If he dumped you twice, he is likely to do it again. I don't see how you could trust anything with this guy.

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Thanks for all the support. I left it 24 hours then sent a very casual short/casual reply saying no rush on the watch front and that I was having a great time surfing and sailing. Ended it with "have a great week ahead" (a polite way to end a conversation) and within minutes he sent another reply (touching upon a personal memory from our time together). To that I've not replied and I wont. He'll reach out again in the next five days or so... guaranteed. My focus though will be on ME! :D

 

Is the focus really on you? If you were truly concerned about yourself, you would have retrieved the watch ASAP and would not want him contacting you in the next 5 days. It seems like the focus is on constructing your responses to get him back.

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Summerrose2013

I agree with others here, why give him a chance to dump you for a third time. If you can't do NC, then do very low contact, as you have been, no rush to reply to any messages, you're a busy woman, right? He has de-prioritised you and you can now feel free to do the same. You can reply to him in your own sweet ass time. Take twice as long to reply and write half as much - apparently as women we 'over communicate' and men can't handle it!

 

Get out there and keep busy, meet other men. People get too hung up on one person, you need others to compare him to. Tell him you need some time to work on yourself for a while and would prefer he doesn't contact you.

 

My ex still contacts me periodically to say he misses me, even told me I was the best woman he'd ever been with just this week, but I'm cold to him now. Life away from him has been BETTER than it was with him (who'd have thought, after I was so heartbroken.) It was a kick up the bum for me to focus on myself, get out more, meet some better quality men who won't run away and hide in their caves or dump me at the first sign of trouble for without ANY attempt to talk things over with me.

 

If he's got an issue with being older than you, tell him you want to date some men your own age or perhaps a younger man, so you can understand the issues he is experiencing - guaranteed that will really pee him off!!!! (yes I'm evil.)

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YoungLondoner

We broke up about a month ago (having lived together and been a wonderful couple (or so I thought)). I saw him last week and he seemed fine, said he was totally over me and sure it was the right thing for us to be separated.

 

However, he also said that it's in his diary that in seven years time if we're both single we will get back together (I told him it wasn't in my diary). There's a big age gap and he thinks I need seven or so years to live my life before I settle down. Anyway, when we saw each other that gave me some closure and I felt I was finally ready/able to move on - having him promise he didn't want me back, etc.

 

Then, two days later he sent me a text saying he'd posted my birthday present and that I would always be *insert pet name here*.

 

What is on his mind? What does the fact that he's sending a text like that, etc. mean?! Help? I've not replied to his text (it's been four days now) and he's not sent a follow-up text. What on earth do I do? :(

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