She cheated on me. Then came back and pretended everything was normal.

[bluesky2000]

I am 20 years old and I just recently found out that my girlfriend has cheated on me. I never ever in a million years thought this was coming. We had a great relationship and were really good together, or so I thought. Our relationship actually started as me being a rebound for her and well, we fell in love and couldn't live without each other since. We had only been together for about three months until she had to go on a month long trip to Costa Rica for a volunteering opportunity. We talked on the phone almost every single night and everything seemed to be ok. I did get into some trouble and ended up getting arrested one night and couldn't call her but all of my charges have been dropped. She says it happened after I was arrested.

Anyways, so we had been messaging each other everyday talking about how excited we were to see each other when she got back. I took the subway just so I could meet her at the airport when she got in. She came and we were very excited to see each other. We came back to my place and she stayed with me for about two weeks and pretended like everything was normal. I was very suspicious thought, she had been messaging a guy and they were sending each other hearts and kisses. When I asked about them she got very defensive and would ask if I wanted to read the messages or say something like "what do you want me to say, I cheated on you?" Little did I know she did. She would even talk to this man on the phone and tell me about how good of friends they were. She would tell me how cute his kid was and how he had a girlfriend. I felt like an idiot thinking my girlfriend would ever do such a thing to me. I got mad at myself for even thinking it was a possibility because we were so in love.

One night while I was finishing up with work she calls me and says we need to talk. I didn't think anything of it because up until this time we had been fine. So i go home and call her back and she tells me she cheated on me and did everything with this man. I've never been so hurt in my life. She knew how I felt about not being loyal because I told her about a time when I was cheated on in high school and the tole it took on my life. She swore up and down she would never hurt me like that. So my first instinct was to hang up and never speak to her again, but I had to know. I had to know why, why she could ruin something so great but her only answer was she had made the biggest mistake of her life and that it would never happen again. The worst part of all in this is that not even 24 hours after having sex with this man, we talked on the phone and told each other we loved one another and things seemed fine.

Our entire relationship my girlfriend has never been able to lie to me or anyone else for that matter. That's why I'm so puzzled, she lied to me for three weeks about this whole thing and I never knew for a second. At times we would fight and I would think something isn't right but my love for her would push through it.

I was never going to speak to her again. I even came home and took a week vacation with an old friend. I did have sex with this friend while on the vacation but it was absolutely horrible. I didn't want to be there and all I could think about was my girlfriend. I didn't even finish. I couldn't understand how she could go through the whole thing without stopping for a second to think about what we had. I asked her if she even thought about me and all she said was she had thought about me a lot after it had happened. That was the worst ****ing thing she could have told me.

For some reason no matter how much I decide to hate and resent her, at the end of the day I miss her like crazy. She wants to give us another try and she tells me she understands that it will take more than a long time to ever trust her again. I want to give her a second chance but at the same time I want to be strong and not even give someone the opportunity to hurt me so bad again. We haven't seen each other in a couple weeks because she is on a trip in Europe with family but we have been talking and messaging back and forth. I don't know what to do. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust her again. But some part of me just can't give up. I miss the girl I fell in love with and I would do anything to get her back. I'm just wondering if the old us is gone forever?

She tells me she will have no contact with this man anymore. I can't even believe her right now. I told her a couple of days ago we could try again. That same night as I was scrolling down my newsfeed on Facebook I see that she liked a selfie of this man not even a week ago. I blew up and told her I was done and it was over for good. But yet again here i am finding myself missing her. She tells me she doesn't think she did anything wrong and that she didn't break any promises. Sorry this story is all over the place I just keep thinking of more as i type.

[Ballak1984]

Hi,

 

She simply broke that trust you have had in her, just simply dump her.

I would never forgive a cheater!!

Take care....

[flight E]

You truly have to try to move on first from this incident, while u moving on, see how far she is ready to go to win your trust

[Trep]

You're 20 years old, you're still young, you will meet someone else. Don't waste your time on this girl because at her age it will just happen again.

 

Just move on man, save yourself from the misery that will follow if you take her back.

[No Limit]

You're about to be played, don't fall for it. Go full NC, rant in this forum if need be.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

never take back a cheater.

 

& its only 3 months deep..

 

yeaaa, bout that.

[bubbaganoosh]

OK she cheated on you and lied about it. Then she tells you that she went no contact with this guy and she lied to you.

 

Last time I checked, no contact pretty much is self explanatory and doesn't need to be defined any better that it is.

 

So now it's twice in how long that she lied and if she really wanted to show you that she's remorseful, then she's doing a lousy job of it.

 

IMO, she knows that she has you by the short hairs and you'll come calling when she whistles so maybe what you should do is stop rolling over and playing dead. Stop all contact with her and let her stew over it for a while or call her and tell her to have fun in Europe and when she comes home don't bother calling or text because you lost all trust for her and she has no one to blame but herself.

 

If you don't take a stand, then your in for more of the same, then it will be your fault not hers.

[learning_slowly]

Leave her and then you will at least see if she chases. If she does then it's upto you what to do. Nobody on here has the answers for your life, only theirs.

 

I do agree, she doesn't sound like the best bet as a long term partner, but is that what you want at your age?