How do I proceed?

[Storm_Chaser]

It's been awhile since I posted, but for those of you familiar with my latest story, the guy I was seeing the end of last year and then again the beginning of this year who was lying to me about his "ex" girlfriend in another state finally messaged me an apology.

 

It's been four months since we've spoken in person. I emailed him a pretty hateful email back in April when I found out he was engaged to this other girl only two months after being with me. I was going through some of my old emails just last week and ran across one I sent him two years ago. I started thinking about him and the situation and I wanted to reach out and apologize for the mean things I said to him and genuinely wish him the best.

 

It's taken me four months to get to a decent place again and now that I finally am, I wanted to end things on a positive note, versus the terrible note we ended on.

 

I fully expected to never hear from him again.

 

Well, I got a message from him yesterday pretty much saying that he was sorry for lying to me, that he hadn't appreciated me or treated me right and he feels like he's lost.

 

Personally, I think he and his fiancee got into a fight and she was probably the biggest reason he never responded to me to begin with. Since I had messaged her in the past, I'm sure he thought I would just do it again. (Which I wouldn't.)

 

Anyway, I told him I forgave him and gave him my new number.

 

Now, I do forgive him. I'm so appreciative and grateful for his apology--it's the closest thing to closure that I'm ever going to get from him. And I miss him terribly, as a friend if nothing else. He is hilarious and we have a lot in common, except for our views on humanity and honesty. As far as the kinds of things we enjoy, I think we're similar. AND I really miss the sex.

 

Really, really, really miss the sex.

 

He's texted me, I guess as a way to let me know he got my response and that he now has my new number in his phone. How do I proceed with this? The ball is always in his court and has been since day one. (That's kinda how he rolls with people.) He contacts me when it's convenient for him and he'll take this reestablished contact in whatever direction he wants and I can either go with it or not.

 

 

So, now on to my question: If he wants to just be friends (or "buddies" as he likes to call his past exes), I'm cool with that. I am all about forgiveness and try not to hold grudges. If he wants to hook up, I'm cool with that too, as I've been celibate since February 16th--the day I left his house. The problem is, I don't know whether I can just have a no-strings attached relationship with him. He likes full on relationships and he likes the heart to be involved--at least on the woman's end. Maybe it's more satisfying for him that way, I don't know. But, I know I can't mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or even physically deal with THAT again. If he gets me emotionally involved and rips my heart out again, I think I might legit lose it.

 

So, should I have a no-strings attached fling with him, if he takes it in that direction? (Part of me hopes that's the direction he's going as I really--really--want to, but worry about his breaking out "I love you," which would royally mess me up.) And is it even possible to go from being full-on in love with someone to just using them for sex?

 

I feel like theoretically it is, but I've never done it.

 

Does anyone have any personal stories of it working out?

 

I just need some advice on how to proceed with this and I would love some personal stories reflecting this kind of "second chance."

Edited June 25, 2014 by Storm_Chaser

[carrie_o]

I tried the FWB-thing with an ex once. DON'T DO IT!!! He didn't stay an ex for long. The feelings all come rushing back very quickly, especially if you are also hanging out as friends.

[Storm_Chaser]

I tried the FWB-thing with an ex once. DON'T DO IT!!! He didn't stay an ex for long. The feelings all come rushing back very quickly, especially if you are also hanging out as friends.

 

Hi, Carrie--

 

Did you all get back together in a relationship then? I assume it didn't work out, either way?

[littleplanet]

It's been awhile since I posted, but for those of you familiar with my latest story, the guy I was seeing the end of last year and then again the beginning of this year who was lying to me about his "ex" girlfriend in another state finally messaged me an apology.

 

It's been four months since we've spoken in person. I emailed him a pretty hateful email back in April when I found out he was engaged to this other girl only two months after being with me. I was going through some of my old emails just last week and ran across one I sent him two years ago. I started thinking about him and the situation and I wanted to reach out and apologize for the mean things I said to him and genuinely wish him the best.

 

It's taken me four months to get to a decent place again and now that I finally am, I wanted to end things on a positive note, versus the terrible note we ended on.

 

I fully expected to never hear from him again.

 

Well, I got a message from him yesterday pretty much saying that he was sorry for lying to me, that he hadn't appreciated me or treated me right and he feels like he's lost.

 

Personally, I think he and his fiancee got into a fight and she was probably the biggest reason he never responded to me to begin with. Since I had messaged her in the past, I'm sure he thought I would just do it again. (Which I wouldn't.)

 

Anyway, I told him I forgave him and gave him my new number.

 

Now, I do forgive him. I'm so appreciative and grateful for his apology--it's the closest thing to closure that I'm ever going to get from him. And I miss him terribly, as a friend if nothing else. He is hilarious and we have a lot in common, except for our views on humanity and honesty. As far as the kinds of things we enjoy, I think we're similar. AND I really miss the sex.

 

Really, really, really miss the sex.

 

He's texted me, I guess as a way to let me know he got my response and that he now has my new number in his phone. How do I proceed with this? The ball is always in his court and has been since day one. (That's kinda how he rolls with people.) He contacts me when it's convenient for him and he'll take this reestablished contact in whatever direction he wants and I can either go with it or not.

 

 

So, now on to my question: If he wants to just be friends (or "buddies" as he likes to call his past exes), I'm cool with that. I am all about forgiveness and try not to hold grudges. If he wants to hook up, I'm cool with that too, as I've been celibate since February 16th--the day I left his house. The problem is, I don't know whether I can just have a no-strings attached relationship with him. He likes full on relationships and he likes the heart to be involved--at least on the woman's end. Maybe it's more satisfying for him that way, I don't know. But, I know I can't mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or even physically deal with THAT again. If he gets me emotionally involved and rips my heart out again, I think I might legit lose it.

 

So, should I have a no-strings attached fling with him, if he takes it in that direction? (Part of me hopes that's the direction he's going as I really--really--want to, but worry about his breaking out "I love you," which would royally mess me up.) And is it even possible to go from being full-on in love with someone to just using them for sex?

 

I feel like theoretically it is, but I've never done it.

 

Does anyone have any personal stories of it working out?

 

I just need some advice on how to proceed with this and I would love some personal stories reflecting this kind of "second chance."

 

 

 

wow.

 

Spidey sense says: dunna do it, lassie!

 

Trust issues, dishonesty issues......your personal history together.

You may be figuring all best-case scenarios..........whereupon you as wonder woman are able to leap tall buildings lustfully (while the heart just sort of tags along as a valiant little super-pup.)

 

.......but I'd be willing to take it to Vegas and bet the farm on it.....that you'll wind up getting hurt again. And possibly hurt worse.

 

All that celibacy makes the thought of it spur on the saliva, no doubt.

But what price, the meal?

 

You have the fundamental working parts of probably not a bad closure.

Perhaps, best to leave the door closed.

 

Reducing down an ex significant other into something that stays inside boundaries which allow non-emotional involvement.....is sort of like trying to close a seriously overstuffed suitcase without the help of an elephant.

(Now, where's an elephant when you really need one?)

 

I know.

Tried it once.

Didn't wash.

The colors all just bled.

[Simon Phoenix]

This sounds awful. Why you would want to get back into this situation is beyond me. There are more red flags here than a Switzerland soccer game. I'd question your sanity if you actually considered this.

[Zahara]

Really, really, really miss the sex.

 

If he gets me emotionally involved and rips my heart out again, I think I might legit lose it.

 

I just need some advice on how to proceed with this and I would love some personal stories reflecting this kind of "second chance."

 

This isn't about the sex. The fact that you state that there is a probability of getting hurt, that's enough to tell you that you are still emotional and you should not do this.

 

And why would you even contemplate this again with this guy? The sex just isn't worth it.

[carrie_o]

Hi, Carrie--

 

Did you all get back together in a relationship then? I assume it didn't work out, either way?

 

I guess it did work... technically...

 

He's now my husband...

 

We are having problems tho. Predictably, we are having the same problems as we did the first time we were together.

 

If I could go back and do it all again, I wouldn't. FWB with an ex does not work. Getting back with an ex does not work.

 

If you really want a FWB, find someone new.