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Hot and Cold EX-Boyfriend????

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Old 5th September 2004, 8:40 AM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 44
Red face Hot and Cold EX-Boyfriend????

Hope somebody can help me figure this one out? My boyfriend of 4yrs, and I broke up about 2mths ago. Before we broke up he was the most attentive and caring soul. Now, since then I have seen him increasingly less and less. The longest time going without seeing him was 3 weeks.

Here is where my questions comes in. Why does he continue to call every week, but he won't come by and visit unless he needs something? I have tried the no contact rule, but he still finds a way to contact me. This past week I asked him if he would like to go out to dinner. He said yes, but he would let me know his schedule on Friday. Well, he never called on Friday. This is not the first time that he says he would do something, and then doesn't. The first month that we broke up he asked me out several times, only to forget about it later.

When he does visit he usually ends up hugging, and kissing me. Telling me how much he misses me and how he is not sure he did the right thing leaving. Then he usually leaves and promises for us to get together later, it never happens. The last time he stopped by he asked me (almost crying) why I don't ever call him anymore. What is up with this guy???? One mintue he is acting so clingy. The next mintue he dissapears for three weeks ( except for weekly phone calls). If anybody can give me an insight to his behavior, I would appreciate it.
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Old 5th September 2004, 8:46 AM   #2
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This is just my opinion, but it sounds like he is just leaving to door open to use you when its convenient for him. I would move on. Good luck.
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Old 5th September 2004, 9:22 AM   #3
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I agree w/ Rogueless.... My ex did the same thing as yours. Kept leading me down that road of hope... I fianlly just had to let go, after thinking I was going to have a nervous breakdown after trying to annalyze everything he was doing. The bottom line is he wants the best of both worlds. He wants you there and he wants his freedom.
It's time to show him how strong you are and that you deserve A LOT better than to be strung along.
Nobody deserves to have their heart strings tugged on all the time. Get mad at the way he is treating you (it helped me) and start treating yourself the way you deserve, and stop letting him treat you like dirt.....
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Old 5th September 2004, 12:56 PM   #4
Join Date: Jul 2004
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Thanks for the insight rougless, and sundrop. I think you guys are right. All my friends have said the same thing. It is like he wants his freedom, but wants to keep me in the wings waiting until he is ready to come back.

A lot of people who know him think he is having a "mid-life crisis". Thing is he is only 36 yrs old. But, he just woke up one moriing told me he was leaving. My ex said he wanted to "find himself", and he couldn't do that in a relationship. Then he moved back in with his parents, and has yet to look for a new place to live. His family doesn't like me (because I make him strong), so they have basically said that they will disown him if goes back to me. Does anybody have a similar experence???
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Old 12th September 2004, 3:08 PM   #5
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: california, sf
Posts: 19
he seems to want to keep control of your feelings! i think he doesnt want u with another guy on get me?!?! i also think the best way to hadle the situation is like.... pretending u dont care about want he is doing! and u might want to chill more with ur friends so, he'll know ur "not missing him" (even if u are... just pretend) thennnn, if he really likes u he'll come up to u and try to get ur attention back, and he will probably try this! if he does, dont be so fly about it.... make him feel like u dont care about htat, be kinda cold, if he keeps on doin the **** is he trying to do now!(like... playin u, sayin love phrases and ten disappearin) u should tell/ask him y hes doin that! and for real... tell him to tell u what he really feels and wants about u, k? love God, carla
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