should i keep hoping?

[GreenTurtle]

is there hope?

 

so i was dating this girl for about 3 years. had the time of our lives. we were both loyal, never cheated, abused etc. about 2 years in, i slowly felt she was losing interest. she even told me that she was, and that ended our relationship. she told me the reason she had to end it because she was just "bored" of me. through out the relationship she always told me she loved me, i would be the one she'd end up marrying, even told me that she would never leave me unless i did something wrong, like cheat or abuse her. which i never have. so after the breakup, while she was away for work in other states, she met 3 guys. 2 of which didnt work out but she had sex with them. after her return, we still contacted. we would hang out and do things including having sex. which she never complained about which makes me think that wasnt the issue. felt as if we never broke up but she considered us as friends with benefits. she told me we can be that as long as it wont hurt me, or try to talk her into getting back together. i agreed, because i wanted nothing more than to spend time with her like we used to. was that a bad idea? during those times it still felt as if we never broke up and that we were back together.

sometimes we would talk and she would tell me that she feels the same way. she told me shes starting to get those feelings for me back.

anyway it was that way for a few months until she had to go away again.

during THAT time, she slowly stopped communicating with me, no texts, phone calls. until it went to just nothing. for weeks. and would anger her when i tried, and ask her why. and when she did, she would play the "we arnt together anymore" card. even though she always told me we would always be friends no matter what.

now that shes home again, I learn that the "3rd" guy she met from another state they are in a LDR. she loves him, hes her soul mate. and they want to get a house together. she only met him in person about 3 times. but they txt and video chat almost everyday.

 

our current state is, I don't know, friends? we barely talk. she never contacts me first. she'll reply if i txt her. but very brief. we did get dinner and ice cream once and chatted in person. she talks about her new bf, we would recap our relationship, discuss my mistakes, etc.

i would hint about how i would love nothing more than to try and work on the issues she has with me but never get straight answers. she still agrees to see eachother from time to time, but she wont invite me over to her house. she once told me shes afraid she will want to give in and possible feelings would come back, or want to have sex. and she makes it clear to me that she doesnt want me back. but i do hold back on bothering her about it. but secretly, inside i miss her like crazy, i cry every night, and think about her every minute of the day.

 

should i be worried? are we done? should i give up?

should i wait until her current relationship fails?

is there hope? we don't hate each other.

the thought of moving on and finding somebody else makes me want to throw up.

[somegoodman]

should i be worried?

 

Yes you should be worried, but not for the reasons you think. You should be worried because you have no respect for yourself and have willingly become an emotional tampon for some tramp.

 

are we done?

 

She was done with you a long time ago.

 

should i give up?

 

On her, yes.

 

should i wait until her current relationship fails?

 

Her current relationship will fail because she is low quality, but if you wait around for that to happen it will only make you even more pathetic in her eyes.

 

is there hope?

 

There is for you if you wake up and start respecting yourself.

 

we don't hate each other.

 

If she hated you it would actually be closer to love than how she feels about you now.

 

the thought of moving on and finding somebody else makes me want to throw up.

 

That's because your brain is wired the wrong way and you're being led by your emotions. You've allowed yourself to be trampled on by a woman that has no respect for you and it is destroying your self esteem and sense of worth as a man. You have to work past those issues until you find yourself saying "the thought of moving on and finding lots of other women makes me want to grin like an idiot".

[GreenTurtle]

i dont see her as a tramp, she doesnt have any history of cheating, sleeping around, etc. the guys she met after we broke up i guess she was just testing the waters to see if she can find anyone after me. but i guess this time she has. and she has every right to. it just kills me about the fact. but i still feel like we have a connection, stuck on the past and what not. thats why i keep hoping, hoping that maybe one day she'll come around and realize. maybe i'm just crazy

[David87]

i dont see her as a tramp, she doesnt have any history of cheating, sleeping around, etc. the guys she met after we broke up i guess she was just testing the waters to see if she can find anyone after me. but i guess this time she has. and she has every right to. it just kills me about the fact. but i still feel like we have a connection, stuck on the past and what not. thats why i keep hoping, hoping that maybe one day she'll come around and realize. maybe i'm just crazy

 

Yeah , well stop HOPING it doesn't do you any good. Find a better girl and forget about this one.

[mj89]

I would move on, it doesn't sound like she is into you anymore. Take your time to heal, but don't go back to her. Sometimes our emotions get the best of us, and it's natural. She doesn't even sound like the same woman you loved when you first started dating.

 

It's tough, and you may not think you'll ever recover, but you'd be surprised time heals everything. Just don't beat yourself up over it, but take your time. Enjoy being single for awhile.

[Larry56]

Yep. Move On. She is using you.

 

The fact is she is bored with you. Even if you had the EXACT same type of personality with the EXACT same goals. A woman can get bored of you.

 

Why. Because your not a challenge (what does that mean?) well...maybe you agree with her too much, maybe you don't have any goals, maybe you don't challenge her mentally. Maybe she doesn't like something about you. Maybe your not "Assertive" enough.

 

It could be intellectual, emotional and sexual areas your not fulfilling. Maybe she wanted more from one of these areas. But you can't argue with her and try to "explain" that you can "fix" things.

 

Best to go out there, get a new girlfriend. Once she sees how desirable and it doesn't work out with the dildo new LDR whatever (I have no idea why people do these things. I did that stuff when I was 14 when ICQ was around)

 

Don't talk to this Woman, don't contact her. don't try to "declare your love" IT.JUST.WON'T.WORK.

 

She is not invested enough in you, and that's the problem. You are waaaaay too invested in her. That is part of the problem.

[Larry56]

we don't hate each other.

 

Well...the problem is she probably doesn't feel *anything* at this moment for you. The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference.