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How do I get her back? I realise I have dug a huge hole


Connorjaay

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This girl I was seeing for a few months was really really into me... Like seriously.. And I never saw it because I was so insecure.. Acne and kept getting told she didn't really like me.. Anyway.. I've really messed up. She didn't want to tell me, but after I forced her to tell me, she said she doesn't feel the same. This was two weeks after I was at her house. Also the last time I saw her. When we were there, I didn't have the confidence to kiss her like I did last time because everyone told me she didn't like me blah blah. She says she doesn't know why she feels different it just stopped. But she says I am more than good enough for her an that she still cares. She asked me to stay in touch too.

Two weeks past and it was killing me I didn't have a reason. I wasted my time on yahoo answers on what changed and based in answers there, I decided to make her a big long text on why I think she's worth waiting for.. She still blames herself and said she did see us working, just not anymore. She says everything reminds her of this and she feels awful. In pretty sure she cried over it too. Okay, the big text was stupid I know.

I see her on Friday at this party we're going to an we'll be drinking. Is there a way to turn that soppy text around? Like tell her I don't know what I'm feeling only that I care a lot and I know it was my fault. Which is honestly the truth.

 

After the party, the only place I'll see her gain is at a concert we're both performing in. It's also how we met. It's in a months time, so do I give her space until then? What do I do on the night? Thanks so much.... She liked me so so so much and I was too stupid to see it

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LifeGoesOnMan
This girl I was seeing for a few months was really really into me... Like seriously.. And I never saw it because I was so insecure.. Acne and kept getting told she didn't really like me.. Anyway.. I've really messed up. She didn't want to tell me, but after I forced her to tell me, she said she doesn't feel the same. This was two weeks after I was at her house. Also the last time I saw her. When we were there, I didn't have the confidence to kiss her like I did last time because everyone told me she didn't like me blah blah. She says she doesn't know why she feels different it just stopped. But she says I am more than good enough for her an that she still cares. She asked me to stay in touch too.

Two weeks past and it was killing me I didn't have a reason. I wasted my time on yahoo answers on what changed and based in answers there, I decided to make her a big long text on why I think she's worth waiting for.. She still blames herself and said she did see us working, just not anymore. She says everything reminds her of this and she feels awful. In pretty sure she cried over it too. Okay, the big text was stupid I know.

I see her on Friday at this party we're going to an we'll be drinking. Is there a way to turn that soppy text around? Like tell her I don't know what I'm feeling only that I care a lot and I know it was my fault. Which is honestly the truth.

 

After the party, the only place I'll see her gain is at a concert we're both performing in. It's also how we met. It's in a months time, so do I give her space until then? What do I do on the night? Thanks so much.... She liked me so so so much and I was too stupid to see it

 

 

 

 

 

 

don't talk to her, appear happy as possible.

 

 

you cant fix this now.

 

 

search the forums, "the no contact guide" as well as plenty of other threads stating what you do, step by step.

 

 

but in your case, you should appear INDIFFERENT.

 

 

and don't give her any attention.

 

 

that should put a little spark into her.

 

 

APPEAR HAPPY!

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Thanks man.. I keep going through phases and I've come to a decision that I'm going to try and get her back, but I'll live if I don't get her back. What do you think about this party where we'll both most likely be drunk? I'll be flirtin with a lot of girls as I'm on wingman mode that night for a friend hahahha any advice? Also, along with appearing happy (I've done this so far) should I have a "i don't care, bad things happen" kind of attitude?

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Hi OP. I hope you can win her back but really if you manage to get her back in the next few weeks, will you still solve the issue of your low confidence?

 

This is maybe what made her lose feelings for you.

 

You can act all cool and confident now but in reality you need to actually "be" confident in yourself and not only act it for one night, especially if you want to remain attractive to her or any other girls. Don't believe what others are saying about you. It is important you start feeling more secure. Try and work on this a bit more if you can.

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Can anyone recommend what I say at this party? I know I could just avoid her, but I want to tell her I know it was all my fault and if she meant it when she said she still cares (she wanted to stay "in touch"). I really want to be friends if not together because she's special.

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LifeGoesOnMan
Can anyone recommend what I say at this party? I know I could just avoid her, but I want to tell her I know it was all my fault and if she meant it when she said she still cares (she wanted to stay "in touch"). I really want to be friends if not together because she's special.

 

 

 

 

 

*grabs you by collar, smacks you upside the head*

 

NO!

 

*smacks you again*

 

NO!

 

 

dude seriously, its your emotions, the chemicals in your brain talking.

 

 

IT WILL NOT WORK.

 

 

IT WILL NOT WORK.

 

 

hey guess what...

 

 

IT WILL NOT WORK

 

 

 

 

be non-chalant, indifferent, DO NOT GIVE A F--K.

 

 

I AM WARNING YOU.

 

 

 

 

here's some advice, don't even go to the party.

 

 

instead read the guides on this forum through & through.

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LifeGoesOnMan

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/84894-guide-second-chances

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/366654-caliguy-no-contact-guide-updated

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/462922-if-you-want-them-back-7.html

 

you need to read & understand all of this before you even see or talk to this girl man.

 

I know you don't get it or understand it now, but you're going to be making a BIG mistake.

 

and it will not work.

 

 

 

 

AND DO NOT BE FRIENDS

 

if she succeeds in keeping you as a friend, you are on the SAME level as her girlfriends, you might as well have a VAGINA

 

you will never get her back this way and you cannot stay friends with someone you are in love with.

 

wake the f--k up.

Edited by LifeGoesOnMan
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organizedchaos
Can anyone recommend what I say at this party? I know I could just avoid her, but I want to tell her I know it was all my fault and if she meant it when she said she still cares (she wanted to stay "in touch"). I really want to be friends if not together because she's special.

 

I think I just threw up in my mouth. Blech.

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LifeGoesOnMan

dude if you stay friends with her...

 

 

or pull the bs you wanna pull at this party.

 

 

I will find you,

 

 

and I will kill you.

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Okay, I get what you wise guys are saying.in a months time, I will have to be in the same building where we will pass almost once every few mins when not on stage. Even have to talk to each other at some points. How should I do this? Completely ignore her and be indifferent? I was like that the last concert as I was being myself and I rarely care about any problems infront of people. That's when she became interested. Sure, we talked before the concert, but she commented on how I was always happy.

So I enjoy my night tomorrow? No talking whatsoever?

I still want to organise a last meeting though. She doesn't know why she feels different and I want to get that answer...?

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I really don't think you should even go to the party. I was in the same situation last Christmas. Mutual friend invited me and the ex to a party. I def. wasnt over the breakup at that time and the thought of going and how I should behave etc. caused some serious anxiety. Once I decided not to go..whew! I felt so much better. Just my 2 cents.

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If I go ahead with this meeting, saying sorry for my mistakes I take it isn't the best move? I mean, I want to ask what changed, but I also want to ask if it was the attraction that disappeared. If she says she doesn't know or no it wasn't then I was thinking on just kissing her right there and then? Since the problem was I wasn't bold enough to make a move. I also want to say something that will make her think it was a mistake letting me walk out of her life. Then I will let her chase me for a while to see if she genuinely wants what we had. I don't know if she's found another guy or not so... Advice? Thanks guys

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LifeGoesOnMan
Okay, I get what you wise guys are saying.in a months time, I will have to be in the same building where we will pass almost once every few mins when not on stage. Even have to talk to each other at some points. How should I do this? Completely ignore her and be indifferent? I was like that the last concert as I was being myself and I rarely care about any problems infront of people. That's when she became interested. Sure, we talked before the concert, but she commented on how I was always happy.

So I enjoy my night tomorrow? No talking whatsoever?

I still want to organise a last meeting though. She doesn't know why she feels different and I want to get that answer...?

 

 

 

the reason she feels different is she has lost some attraction for you.

 

 

sorry to say this BUT its probably because of another guy.

 

 

before you rush to defend her, I was given this same story, and within a month of our breakup, she was banging another dude.

 

 

as far as your interaction with her in this building, you keep it as short and as sweet as possible, in a totally professional like way.

 

 

YOU DO NOT BRING UP THE RELATIONSHIP.

 

 

YOU APPEAR HAPPY

 

 

YOU APPEAR INDIFFERENT

 

 

I KNOW ITS HARD BUT TRUST ME...

 

 

you will only be doing damage if you ask her ANYTHING about the break up/relationship and if you try to reach out to her in ANY kind of way.

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Oh dear. None of that is a good idea. Think about if you were in her position. Would you want her to come at you with all of this stuff at a party in front of a bunch of people? And to try and kiss her? What if she has found another guy? That wouldn't be right at all. If you want to ask her these things (bad idea in my opinion), maybe write her or ask her to meet you some other time. (again, bad idea to even attempt this right now). But please please please don't do what you're planning on doing at the party.

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LifeGoesOnMan
If I go ahead with this meeting, saying sorry for my mistakes I take it isn't the best move? I mean, I want to ask what changed, but I also want to ask if it was the attraction that disappeared. If she says she doesn't know or no it wasn't then I was thinking on just kissing her right there and then? Since the problem was I wasn't bold enough to make a move. I also want to say something that will make her think it was a mistake letting me walk out of her life. Then I will let her chase me for a while to see if she genuinely wants what we had. I don't know if she's found another guy or not so... Advice? Thanks guys

 

 

 

NOOOOO don't even say SORRY dafuq man!!!!

 

 

DAFUQ ARE YOU SORRY ABOUT???????

 

SHE DUMPED YOU.

 

 

I know you don't get it.

 

 

but dude, seriously, GET A GRIP.

 

 

READ THOSE F'N GUIDES

 

 

THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO.

 

 

NOTHING

NOTHING

NOTHING

NOTHING

 

 

nothing you can say, hope, do, hope she feels, NOTHING.

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LifeGoesOnMan

and go ahead and try to kiss her

 

 

if you want to be rejected and embarrassed like you have never been before.

 

 

THE WHOLE " I don't know why I don't feel this way" is a sugar coated bs way of saying:

 

 

* I WANT TO BANG OTHER DUDES, IM ATTRACTED TO OTHER DUDES*

 

 

AND ****NOT YOU****

 

 

don't try to kiss her and make a fool out of yourself.

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No no no I mean organising a different meeting, not at the party. Sorry I was unclear. I mean so far she has said she feels bad but we will both get get this. But with this meeting, we'd just talk about it. Figure out what truly went wrong. I know she's not seeing anyone else, but she probably has interest in someone else. I don't think I'll talk to her at the party. Just be myself. In my situation, what is best? As in, do I flirt with other girls, possibly pull another girl? Because this girl was suffering from panic attacks, I told her if wait for her until it blew over but he said not to. I got told girls like someone who will stand by them but in truth I'm being a #2 in that case, right? I ain't no ones second choice

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LifeGoesOnMan
No no no I mean organising a different meeting, not at the party. Sorry I was unclear. I mean so far she has said she feels bad but we will both get get this. But with this meeting, we'd just talk about it. Figure out what truly went wrong. I know she's not seeing anyone else, but she probably has interest in someone else. I don't think I'll talk to her at the party. Just be myself. In my situation, what is best? As in, do I flirt with other girls, possibly pull another girl? Because this girl was suffering from panic attacks, I told her if wait for her until it blew over but he said not to. I got told girls like someone who will stand by them but in truth I'm being a #2 in that case, right? I ain't no ones second choice

 

 

 

bro.

 

 

you're breaking my heart here because I HAVE BEEN THERE.

 

 

YOU ARE NOT THE ONE TO BE ORGANIZING ANY MEETINGS OF ANY KIND

 

 

AT ALL

 

 

re-re-re-re-re-read that again ok?

 

 

SHE HAS TOO.

 

 

SHE HAS TO WORK FOR YOU.

 

 

SHE F--K'D UP. SHE THREW YOU AWAY

 

 

SHE WANTS TO BANG OTHER DUDES

 

 

catch my drift.

 

 

PLEASE READ those guides, please read my sad threads before my triumph thread.

 

 

im trying to help you here and im trying be your friend

 

 

BECAUSE IVE BEEN THERE.

 

 

AND YES! TALK TO OTHER GIRLS, HELL MAKE OUT WITH ONE RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF HER!

 

 

BANG HER IF YOU CAN , IN FRONT OF HER! haha not likely , but that would be epic.

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Okay okay.. I know you're helping me and I do really appreciate it :)

 

There is this other thing... You're going to shoot me down in flames for saying this but here goes. I bought her a watch. An expensive watch, but she "didn't feel the same" not long before valentines day, which is where I was going to give it to her. She hinted at this watch for ages do I got it for her. Her birthday is in august. I want to give it to her BUT I'm listening to what you guys are saying and I'll be right back at square one again, won't i?

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It's not even about square one. It's just not right. She walked away from you. If you gave her the watch and all of a sudden she changed her mind, would you want that? Would you want her to come back to you because you buy her nice things?

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LifeGoesOnMan
Okay okay.. I know you're helping me and I do really appreciate it :)

 

There is this other thing... You're going to shoot me down in flames for saying this but here goes. I bought her a watch. An expensive watch, but she "didn't feel the same" not long before valentines day, which is where I was going to give it to her. She hinted at this watch for ages do I got it for her. Her birthday is in august. I want to give it to her BUT I'm listening to what you guys are saying and I'll be right back at square one again, won't i?

 

 

 

 

 

return or sell the watch, forget about her birthday.

 

 

you guys are NOT together.

 

 

you are NOT obligated to buy her anything or give her anything, nor should you be doing it at all.

 

 

you will be back at square one with any kind of contact or talk about the relationship to be honest.

 

 

you will be back at square one with any kind gestures, any gift giving, any anything.

 

 

the only way you progress from here is to worry about yourself, AND ONLY YOU.

 

 

you do not give any kind of attention.

 

 

dude she has to believe she has made a HUUUUGE mistake.

 

 

and anything nice or kind you do, any kind of attention you gives just proves to her that you are just fine with being broken up.

 

 

are you fine with being broken up? are you "out" of love with her?

 

 

hell no man. and that's why you cant be thinking or doing this stuff

 

AT ALL.

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LifeGoesOnMan
It's not even about square one. It's just not right. She walked away from you. If you gave her the watch and all of a sudden she changed her mind, would you want that? Would you want her to come back to you because you buy her nice things?

 

 

I know what you're saying, but there is NO CHANCE IN HELL that would ever work, ever, anyways.

 

 

even if it was a solid gold watch, lined with diamonds and pissed on by jesus.

 

 

it will not work.

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organizedchaos
If I go ahead with this meeting, saying sorry for my mistakes I take it isn't the best move? I mean, I want to ask what changed, but I also want to ask if it was the attraction that disappeared. If she says she doesn't know or no it wasn't then I was thinking on just kissing her right there and then? Since the problem was I wasn't bold enough to make a move. I also want to say something that will make her think it was a mistake letting me walk out of her life. Then I will let her chase me for a while to see if she genuinely wants what we had. I don't know if she's found another guy or not so... Advice? Thanks guys

 

I just threw up in my mouth, again.

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Okay now I'm just confused... Doing nice things will make her think I'm okay with the break up? Isn't that what I want!?

 

It's our last year in high school and we'll be passing each other sometimes.. Like this concert. How do I act? I mean so far, I just don't look at her and try laughing with mates going past, but I can't avoid her at this concert?

I also am quite friendly with one of her friends... Could I use this to my disposal?

 

One more hidden weapon... One of her friends thinks I'm hot and well, this is basically the last senior party... Spark any ideas?

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OP, look:

 

I responded happily and kindly to my ex's texts during the first month. Held me back.

 

I texted her during month 2 to be nice and wish her luck on a big day. Held me back.

 

I went NC when I found out she was interested in another dude, and in month 3 she called me crying because she found out I knew. I had to spend 20 minutes telling her I didn't care. Not as bad, but still held me back.

 

I sent her a letter 2 weeks later telling her that I thought well of her, that I didn't know what the future held, but that I wished her happiness. Held me back.

 

She chased me down at a wedding, trying to get my attention. I'd respond, but walk away. It was like that the whole night, until she asked me for the last dance and was a little flirty. I got sucked right back in. I tried to make a kind gesture and give her a good luck charm at the end of the night. Held me back.

 

4 days later, I asked her to lunch. She said yes, but never got back to me. Held me back.

 

I've been NC ever since, and THAT'S what's helped me heal.

 

I withheld attention from her for awhile and she came chasing, but the second I gave it back instead of making her work hard for it, she didn't want it anymore. Those later rejections each hurt as badly as the breakup.

 

I've still done less and been significantly less dramatic than many of those who DID get their ex's back, but the message is still the same: care about yourself right now. She didn't want to be a part of your life, so give her that "gift". You don't have to actually TELL her to get lost, but act like you did.

 

There's still no guarantee you'll get her back, but you need to stop worrying about that and worry about YOU.

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