Gave Her Second Chance... Have Second Thoughts

[808alfa]

We were in a 2 year relationship when she said she wanted a break.

Needed space to "find herself". She's only 21, so she was probably wanting to be single for a bit. The only limit we set was to not sleep with other people.

So I told her ok, gave her space, waited for her, pretty much became her ****ing fall-back for about a month. As soon as I realized this I told her she can take as long a break as she wants, I'm officially done.

She became very emotional, cried and begged to be back together and somehow make us work. Next day I looked through her phone while she was asleep. Texts with some other dude said things like "I miss you baby", "I love you", "Can't wait to wake up in your arms". I was shattered... completely heartbroken. Woke her the **** up, took her to her moms, and said adios!

 

I asked her never to contact me, began to move on, worked out, ate lean, went on a few dates, and overall just bettered myself.

 

After about a month NC I received an email from her asking for forgiveness and a second chance in the future. She said this other guy meant nothing, he was just a rebound, and they did not sleep together. She said she's been waiting for me, hasn't seen anyone, and will continue to wait for me hoping I'll give her another chance with time.

 

After a bit more begging from her we ended up meeting up, had a great time together and incredible make up sex.

 

It's been about 2 weeks since we've been back together, and I can tell she's trying super hard to treat me right & earn my trust back. She's been super sweet and caring and respectful, and very apologetic about the whole ordeal she put me through. Swears she will never ever hurt me again, that I am the love of her life, the one she wants to be with, her soul mate... and on and on.

 

Anyways, I'm trying hard to move past this. I really do still love her very much. Always felt she was my soulmate as well, until she did that to me. But we still have great chemistry, we have a blast when we're together, and the sex is better than ever.

 

But from time to time the thought of her betrayal still hurts. Can't help but wonder... what if she did sleep with that guy and is lying to me to get me to stay!?

 

What do you guys think? How can i move forward with her? How do we rebuild trust? or did I make a mistake by taking her back?

[AlphaC]

We were in a 2 year relationship when she said she wanted a break.

Needed space to "find herself". She's only 21, so she was probably wanting to be single for a bit. The only limit we set was to not sleep with other people.

So I told her ok, gave her space, waited for her, pretty much became her ****ing fall-back for about a month. As soon as I realized this I told her she can take as long a break as she wants, I'm officially done.

She became very emotional, cried and begged to be back together and somehow make us work. Next day I looked through her phone while she was asleep. Texts with some other dude said things like "I miss you baby", "I love you", "Can't wait to wake up in your arms". I was shattered... completely heartbroken. Woke her the **** up, took her to her moms, and said adios!

 

I asked her never to contact me, began to move on, worked out, ate lean, went on a few dates, and overall just bettered myself.

 

After about a month NC I received an email from her asking for forgiveness and a second chance in the future. She said this other guy meant nothing, he was just a rebound, and they did not sleep together. She said she's been waiting for me, hasn't seen anyone, and will continue to wait for me hoping I'll give her another chance with time.

 

After a bit more begging from her we ended up meeting up, had a great time together and incredible make up sex.

 

It's been about 2 weeks since we've been back together, and I can tell she's trying super hard to treat me right & earn my trust back. She's been super sweet and caring and respectful, and very apologetic about the whole ordeal she put me through. Swears she will never ever hurt me again, that I am the love of her life, the one she wants to be with, her soul mate... and on and on.

 

Anyways, I'm trying hard to move past this. I really do still love her very much. Always felt she was my soulmate as well, until she did that to me. But we still have great chemistry, we have a blast when we're together, and the sex is better than ever.

 

But from time to time the thought of her betrayal still hurts. Can't help but wonder... what if she did sleep with that guy and is lying to me to get me to stay!?

 

What do you guys think? How can i move forward with her? How do we rebuild trust? or did I make a mistake by taking her back?

 

I would continue to work out, eat lean and continue to better myself, this girl is realizing you are a catch and their is no one better out there. Continue to do what you are doing, don't ever be her door mat, respect yourself and make sure she respects you. The minute you get too comfortable she will pull that stunt again. Relationships are not easy my brother, maintain control, have her enter your frame and not the other way around. You are doing well, much better than a lot of cats on here who put up with mad nonsense.

 

Trust ?? Dude that takes time, a lot of time, you will one day forget to doubt everything she does and says, but you really can't put a time limit on it, and you can't throw it in her face either, if you do you will appear weak.

 

My advice, be the better man, be the stronger brother, and most of all, appear confident!!! Keep hitting the gym, eating healthy meals, think positive, let her know that other women want you, women are jealous creatures and they value men who other women want, crazy right??

[Trep]

"I miss you baby", "I love you", "Can't wait to wake up in your arms"

 

These are not things you say to someone you aren't sleeping with.

[Never Again]

this girl is realizing you are a catch and their is no one better out there.

 

 

That doesn't sound like what she's doing at all.

 

She wanted to "see what's out there" and keep him on the backburner - to have her cake and eat it too - and he let her for awhile. When he got sick of it and put his foot down, she got scared and panicky.

 

This has nothing to do with respect or thinking he's a great catch, and has EVERYTHING to do with fear of loss. A pretty sh*tty basis for a relationship in the first place, nevermind a second chance.

 

let her know that other women want you, women are jealous creatures and they value men who other women want, crazy right??

 

Again, fear of loss is a pretty sh*tty basis for a relationship. There's no such thing as "healthy jealousy" unless it's in jest. If she's scared and panicky now and he uses "other women" to keep her in line, she'll get tired of it someday anyway.

 

OP, she bailed and jumped after someone else. It doesn't matter if she slept with him or not - she doubted your relationship. She needed a few months to herself before you took her back. Choices have consequences, and she chose to be alone...so she should be ALONE for awhile.

 

Nothing's changed, and she'll flake out again eventually. Fear only keeps people in line for so long.

[Never Again]

My post was aimed at warning the OP.

 

He got mad and put his foot down. That doesn't address the core issues that were likely at play in his relationship. He's begun changing, and good for him, but SHE hasn't changed at all.

 

Lame attempts to be "dominant" over the internet aside, OP...it's great she wants to be with you, but you're having second thoughts. She lied, flaked, and was generally wishy-washy. The begging is great and all, and maybe you'll build the trust eventually, but you'll never get there by trying to make her jealous.

 

She needs time to really stew over losing you and be sure she REALLY wants to come back, and isn't making a knee jerk reaction to you rejecting her. Otherwise, she'll just bail again. Plus, pulling a power play and trying to keep her interested with jealousy is just feeding the mistrust and game playing.

[Gemini x]

Do NOT try and fill this woman with jealousy. That will only make things worse, believe me. Once that seed has been planted it's hard to overcome. That seed will only turn into insecurity and it will fall apart.

 

Women are attracted to men who are confident and have their $h!t together, not a man who claims to have women falling for him left and right. Do NOT pull the jealousy card.

 

This could very well be a case of her realizing what she lost, but it could also be she's going back to what's familiar. That's easily done. People make mistakes so just take it day by day and you'll eventually see her real intentions and if she can be trusted. Be careful and take it slow. I wish you the best, OP!!

Edited February 18, 2014 by Gemini x

[flightplan]

You hit the nail on the head.. it's a trust issue for me. I often thought what I would do if she came crawling back. To be honest, I don't know that I could do it. If she did it once, she can do it again. It's like a cheater... once a cheater, always a cheater. I don't think I could get my head past the whole trust issue and it probably wouldn't work. Good luck... hope it works for you.