Can he fall back in love?

[Cynderella's lost it]

My boyfriend of 4+ years keeps telling me that "it's just not there anymore" and hasn't told me he loves me since we got back together a year ago. He calls me everyday, we see each other every weekend and we occasionally make love. He still buys me gifts and does sweet things for me, but it is nothing like he used to do before. We used to be the type of couple that made you noxious because we were so in love and affectionate with each other.

 

He treated me like a princess and did things like, wash my hair for me, shave my legs, heat up the towel while I was in the bath, serve me breakfast in bed and gave me cards and flowers almost everyday. I desperately want this back! As in the movie, Notting Hill, I feel as though I have taken love heroin and don't know how to get more! I love him so much that it kills me to hear him say he is not in love with me. He keeps telling me that only time will tell and I keep trying to be patient and not pressure him. However, sometimes I explode with emotion and tell him I love him and how much I want us to be a couple again. I have considered trying the techniques in the book "Stop the Divorce", but I am afraid he will simply fade out of my life for good.

 

Please help, I want to make this work so bad. He is truly the love of my life and I honestly believe we are soul mates and belong together. He once wrote me a note that said "you are the love I have waited my whole life for" and I pray that this will be repeated someday.

 

What can I do besides pray and wait?

[dyermaker]

I don't understand completely--you're still a couple but he doesn't love you?

 

What changed between then and now? In your life? In his?

[Cynderella's lost it]

Thank you so much for responding so quickly.

 

Our relationship has taken lots of twists and turns but the main things are the fact that when he found out I'm bipolar, he struggled with it and he had to deal with my long, drawn-out divorce.

 

It is a long story, but I'll try to hit the highlights (low points, actually):

 

Mike and I were friends for 7 years before getting together. We began dating while I was separating from my husband. Neither one of us expecting anything serious to come of it, since I was getting out of a ten year marriage and he has already been married twice. But it was like they say, fireworks, angels singing, undeniable connection. We continued dating for 2 1/2 years, during which time I had a manic episode that scared him and left him wondering if he could deal with my illness. For the most part, we got past that and then I made the biggest mistake of my life.

 

My ex had sold our house and moved away after we split. Shortly thereafter, he lost his job after getting a DUI driving his company vehicle. With no job, no car, no money and no place to go, I, like a f----ing idiot let him move in with me and our daughter. It goes without saying that this put a HUGE strain on my relationship and Mike had a hard time dealing with this so we decided to take a break until I could clean up my mess. Then the unthinkable happened, I had an affair with my ex and he convinced me that we could salvage our marriage! When Mike called and I told him that, he was devastated.

 

A few months later, when the reality hammer (of the gods) hit me over the head, I threw my ex out and begged Mike to take me back. Although reluctant, he agreed to give it a try and "see what happens". Well, it has been a year now and little has improved. He still tells me he does not feel the same about me as he did and "it's just not there anymore". He admits that he does have feelings for me but will not promise anything, his favorite is, "only time will tell".

 

I hope I'm not completely delusional and unwilling to face reality by continuing think he will come back to me. I tell myself that he has this wall up because he is afraid of getting hurt again and doesn't trust me yet. I don't understand why we wants to continue seeing me and talking to me everyday if he has no intentions of getting us back? His actions don't exactly match his words which is why sometimes I just want to shake him and say, "just admit to yourself and to me that you DO love me so we can get on with our life again!" I wouldn't dare do this for fear of pushing him further away, but I want him so bad I am willing to try anything at this point.