Ex told me to entertain other guys

[Shaine]

Bf and i had a fight, he thought i was chatting with other guys. Accused me in a hurtful way. I proved he was wrong. But i said i gave up and dont want to continue this anymore. I was still hurt from his accusation.

 

I texted him after 2 days and said im sorry, i regret what i said. Let's work on this. He said yeah, ok. Then i noticed he was cold and i asked him if he still wants to fix this. He then, said no. I dont want us to be together anymore, i give up.

 

I begged and pleaded, everyday for 3-4 days. He wont give in. He said i should move on and forget him and i should entertain other guys coz that's what he's doing now. Everytime i try and talk to him he said i should move on and entertain other guys so i can forget him. I asked him if he still loves me, he said no, i dont love you anymore.

 

He is a rude and uncaring. He always say he is sleeping soundly now, like mocking me coz he knows i cant sleep well. He blocked me on facebook and deleted me on wechat.

 

Ive been nc for 6 days. Im still hoping he'll miss me. Ive been praying and thinking positive thoughts, trying to keep hope.

 

But, is there really hope for me in this case?

[lylat333]

First of all I think it's very possible him accusing you of chatting w/ other guys was just a projection of his desires/behavior, it sounds like you did nothing wrong. You did the typical dumpee behavior of begging/pleading (been there) and surprise, surprise... sadly it is counter-productive.

 

Now it sounds like he's turned into an ***hole, probably because you have been positively reinforcing him lately and he's on a power trip. Unfortunately you've been put in a bad situation through no real fault of your own.

 

Ive been nc for 6 days. Im still hoping he'll miss me. Ive been praying and thinking positive thoughts, trying to keep hope.

 

But, is there really hope for me in this case?

Your only option is stone cold NC. DO NOT reach out to him. It's probably going to be very difficult and your feelings to contact may intensify, but you've got to willing and prepared to accept you may not be in contact for a while. It may be a week, 2-3 weeks, 2-3 months, there's no telling.

 

I promise it's the best thing, because he's already shown that if you reach out and allow yourself to be vulnerable he's just going to use that power against you. He's basically already told you he's "entertaining other women", whatever that means... DO NOT allow yourself to compromise your self-worth and be so weak as to beg for him while he has abandoned the relationship to explore other options.

 

Is there hope? There is no way to know for sure. At this point, you don't have control over where you 2 go, you only have control over you, and you want to do what's best for you! There is a quote that may help you to take to heart: "We can't do anything to make our ex miss us, we can only do things to make them not miss us." That is why NC is so powerful. Anything else, no matter what you do or how you want to word it will only work against you. I speak from experience, it boggles the mind how cold and unreceptive dumpers can be.

 

It sounds like you did nothing wrong so you are ending on a good note. He thinks the grass may be greener elsewhere so you make yourself scarce! Sorry to harp on this so much but I think NC is the clear choice.

[d0nnivain]

No I don't think there is hope for this relationship to be re-kindled. You shouldn't want it to. If he was accusing you of being unfaithful or disrespectful when you weren't whether it does it now or later his jealousy & insecurity will eventually destroy the relationship. Better now than after you expended more time & emotional energy. teasing you about your lack of sleep is also mean. Why would you want to be back together with somebody so callous?

[Shaine]

Yea, i will go on strict nc. I still have his ipad and doesnt want to meet up to get it, he wants me to just send it to him. I insisted to meet up. But now i changed my mind.

 

When he gets home(he's abroad) and ask for his stuff back, i'll just send it to him. I dont need that fat balding gorilla to make me happy. I can do much better! He'll totally regret letting me go!

[lylat333]

Awesome, wonderful to hear. Great decision on no longer insisting to meet up, that's perfect.

 

Normally I would never want to give hope as there are no guarantees but in this case I already have a strong hunch he will regret letting you go. He sounds like he's turned into an ***hole and it sounds like you deserve better. All the best to you!

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Yea, i will go on strict nc. I still have his ipad and doesnt want to meet up to get it, he wants me to just send it to him. I insisted to meet up. But now i changed my mind.

 

When he gets home(he's abroad) and ask for his stuff back, i'll just send it to him. I dont need that fat balding gorilla to make me happy. I can do much better! He'll totally regret letting me go!

 

You go girl, end this power trip of his, I hate it when people deliberately try and hurt people. You deserve so much better.

[r321148]

It sounds like this guy is really insecure and he took those insecurities out on you. He couldn't accept himself so decided to blame you. Then when he realised he was wrong instead of apologising he decided to get angry with you. I very much doubt he is sleeping soundly and his words are just intended to hurt you.

I do think he will come around and will miss you but when he does that I don't think you should be wanting him back. He has proved to be a pretty nasty piece of work and you deserve better.

I think your approach is best. Take a long period of no contact. Use that time to get yourself back and fully reflect. Decide what you want in life. Hopefully he will be doing the same but there are no guarantees. If the time comes that he contacts you after you have reflected and do decide you want to reconcile (note: this is your decision), then you need to make sure he has really grown and changed. If the same problems are there then the relationship will end in the same way again.

At the end of the day what you decide in the long term is your decision but for now I definitely think that a long period of no contact is needed.

Good luck

[sun1972]

Yea, i will go on strict nc. I still have his ipad and doesnt want to meet up to get it, he wants me to just send it to him. I insisted to meet up. But now i changed my mind.

 

When he gets home(he's abroad) and ask for his stuff back, i'll just send it to him. I dont need that fat balding gorilla to make me happy. I can do much better! He'll totally regret letting me go!

 

spot on

 

i think theres no chance of having a good relationship again.

 

i DO think that once he sees he has no power over you (ie no NC for a while)

 

he may contact you, may even tell you he misses u etc.

 

but if you respond, he gets his ego boost, and will go straight back to being cold etc

 

I would just NC permenantly and move on, ignore any contact if he does it

[ganbare]

Hey Shaine...I hope you stay strong! I, like your ex am balding and overweight but I am not a cold insensitive jerk and people think I look younger than my age. Anyway, he was lucky to have you and will regret losing you big time!

 

Also I agree that he is projecting his insecurities onto you.

 

I am curious about where you are from. I lived in China for two years. Which part of Asia are you from?

 

Stay strong and go NC a 100%. The heart palpitations and panic attacks will disappear with time.

[Shaine]

Im from the philippines.

Sorry about the bald and fat comment. I know that doesnt make a person bad.

It just makes me feel better to criticize him. I just hate him so much.

Its better to feel this hate than hope. Much easier for me to move on

[ganbare]

Oh my...I've heard all about Typhoon Haiyan...I hope you are okay. When I taught English in China my academic contact responsible for ensuring that I was teaching well was from the Philippines. She was a really cool person and she even wrote me a letter of recommendation! So the Philippines rock!

 

Yeah, I know what you meant about the bald and fat comment so I was laughing. After a relationship falls apart it is good to remember all the bad things about them so you can avoid making a similar mistake. He doesn't get along with his family which is pretty serious too!

 

Hang in there kiddo!