Ex BF Doesn't See Me in His Future?

[red30]

My now ex-boyfriend and I were dating for about 1.5 years. We never argued, cheated on each other, etc. The relationship was absolutely amazing. He was never in my wildest dreams the type or person I thought I would fall for, but I did and we just clicked from the beginning.

 

I went home to visit my family for a long weekend. Everything appeared to be fine before I left. We actually had an amazing weekend together just beforehand. When I returned, he broke up with me. To sum it all up, he said "I'm really happy with you now, but I'm afraid we wouldn't get along in the future."

 

Now, this seems really odd to me, because we got along so great now, so why would he think we would suddenly not get along down the road? He says there's nobody else, and I 100% believe him.

 

He started listing off all these reasons why we wouldn't get along in the future and to me, they seemed to be petty. For instance, he said he thought we would like different styles of furniture. The best part is, he did all this thinking without ever asking me what I wanted in my future. He basically had a "conversation" with me while I wasn't even in town and just answered the questions on his own.

 

Basically, since we've been together everything would be fine. Then every few months he would totally start to freak out about the future and panic. He needed to figure out how everything was going to be in his life from buying a home, where his career was going, what was going on with us, etc. He would be like that for a few days and then go back to normal. This time it is different though.

 

This is the part I completely don't understand. He has lived in his apt. for several months now without furniture, TV, etc. Although he had never asked me or talked seriously about it with me, he said he hadn't bought anything because he was planning on me moving in with him when my lease ended which is next week. When was he planning on asking me? So now, he's went out and is buying new stuff which makes me believe it's over for good.

 

I want us back together so bad. He's who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We have seen each other a few times since then and it will be all "normal" for a little while and then I get upset with the whole situation and start crying. Even through the break-up, we still have not argued...just talked.

 

He has made it clear that he doesn't see me in his future, so this gives me little hope. I mean if it was more of a "I need space" thing or something, it would be different, but what's the point of getting back with someone if they can't see a future with you?

 

Yet, at the same time, he has started calling me on my home phone which he didn't do before (I believe because he knows it doesn't have caller ID so I'll answer). He called last week to ask me if I would pick a package up that was being delivered to his place while he was out of town on a trip we were supposed to be on together. Then he called last night and I didn't answer so he left a message "To see how I was doing but to let me know that he's not changing his mind".

 

What should I do to make him want to get back together? What do you think all this means? I feel like my world has fallen apart. I need him back in my life so bad.

[therresa kennedy]

Honey, there is nothing as painful as a break up but I just have to say, that with my experience in life, and the number of times I have been cheated on, by very attractive men, sought after by numbers of other women, that when a guy says, it's not you but that you may disagree about what "furniture" you may like in the future, it is usually because they are hiding something.

 

I think you need to understand that men are always going to be naturally more selfish, more self serving than are women, as a result they are also going to be more inclined to lie, cheat and behave immorally than are women.

 

I think it would be a really good idea to consider that fact that this guy has another girl on the side OR just wants to keep you off balance by rejecting you, making himself the person with the power in the relationship.

 

Also, this guy asking you to pick up a package, my God, honey, are you okay with that? I certainly would NOT be! He is using you and appears to have NO respect for you as well.

Why would you want to be abused and disrespected by such an obviously selfish and self-orientated man?

 

Those are questions you need to ask YOURSELF, and contemplate. I know how painful rejection can be but you just need to be brave enough to courageously FEEL the pain and move on. Don't allow it to dominate your regard for yourself, and try to get some family or other support who will be sympathetic to you right now.

 

I wish you the very best, but it sounds like you are better off finding someone who is not a user and cruel game player. You can do better I am sure. Hang in there.

[faux]

Originally posted by red30

He has made it clear that he doesn't see me in his future, so this gives me little hope. I mean if it was more of a "I need space" thing or something, it would be different, but what's the point of getting back with someone if they can't see a future with you?

 

I don't see a point, honestly. He's made it quite obvious in his words and actions that he doesn't want a relationship any longer. If he changes his mind, are you sure you want to deal with someone like him, how he behaved, again?

 

Have you ever worked for one of those places where, at the bottom of the application, it will mention that your job can be terminated at any time, without notice, and without reason? Relationships are kind of like those types of jobs. Any person in a relationship can end things whenever they want to, and they don't really have to give a reason. It stinks, but it's true.

 

Yet, at the same time, he has started calling me on my home phone which he didn't do before (I believe because he knows it doesn't have caller ID so I'll answer). He called last week to ask me if I would pick a package up that was being delivered to his place while he was out of town on a trip we were supposed to be on together. Then he called last night and I didn't answer so he left a message "To see how I was doing but to let me know that he's not changing his mind".

 

Don't read into him calling you. Exes do odd things, whether they broke up with you, or otherwise.

 

What should I do to make him want to get back together? What do you think all this means? I feel like my world has fallen apart. I need him back in my life so bad.

 

You cannot do anything to make him want to get back together with you. That is something only he can decide to do. I wouldn't want someone like that back in my life. I'd rather have someone who isn't so impulsive and irrational. This essentially means that you are single now, and it would be best to stop talking to this man. You feel like you need him, but you'll be alright after a time.

[Bojickwoman]

Originally posted by faux

 

 

 

 

Have you ever worked for one of those places where, at the bottom of the application, it will mention that your job can be terminated at any time, without notice, and without reason? Relationships are kind of like those types of jobs. Any person in a relationship can end things whenever they want to, and they don't really have to give a reason. It stinks, but it's true.

 

 

 

Faux, that is an excellent way of looking at it!