suzi82 Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Hi, I have been married for past 6 years and have a kid. My marriage was an arranged marriage and before i got married - i was in love with my ex. we knew each other for just 6 months but i was crazy for him. due to family pressures and our culture - i knew my Boyfriend would not be accepted and rather than continuing relation with my BF - i decided to end relation coz i had no courage to go against my parent's wishes. My BF ofcourse was upset and we never had a discussion on ending our relation....my bf just respected my decision. In this 6 years, he has been married and has child too. we kept in touch via FB but no constant chat. However this month, we have been keeping constantly in touch and i came to know that he still thinks about me. I've been emotionally very upset since i knew this and very restless. i know this is wrong but i feel for him strongly. after a week of being restless - i decided to meet him and tell him what i feel. we met last week as friends and i told him everything... he says he respects me and doesnt want anything except friendship. am not sure if i can continue to be his friend especially the feelings i still have for him. if we do decided to continue as friends... will that be correct? Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 If I were your husband I would consider this as emotional cheating. What you're doing is not fair for your husband. You either stop this or get divorced. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 You can't be friends if you are feeling emotional about him. I would suggest you cut contact. You do realize you are stepping outside of your marriage? Emotional cheating. You said you believe you can't be friends, yet ask if you were to be friends is it okay? 1) you can't be friends 2) you can be friends if it's platonic, your spouses are fine with it and it is all innocent. I don't think that would be the case in your situation, so no, it would not be okay. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 (edited) Read her post. She is in an arranged marriage. A sham. To me a marriage isn't a ring or a piece of paper. It's what's in your heart and in your mind. Suzi, follow your heart. Edited November 1, 2013 by Frank13 Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Read her post. She is in an arranged marriage. A sham. To me a marriage isn't a ring or a piece of paper. It's what's in your heart and in your mind. Suzi, follow your heart. By this logic she shouldn't have gotten married then, or she can always get divorced. But what she's thinking of doing is called cheating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mcscooter Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 My mom had an arranged marriage she was with my dad for awhile. Than one day she just couldn't handle it. She sacrificed her happiness for her mom (my grandma of course). All my mom ever wanted was just to be free to make her own decisions. So her finally being fed up. She gets divorced with 2 kids. Now my dad was crushed and he didn't even know it was an arranged marriage so he was blindsided as f#ck. It took him a long time to get over the break up (like 15 years I swear). I felt sorry for my dad because he was a good man and didn't deserve it, but at the same time he didn't know what was going on. My mom could of stayed with my dad and just have everything because my dad made good money. She chose to be poor and happy, which I really respected. Growing up with my mom with no money was hard, but she taught me happiness overruns a lot of things. She was constantly in debt, she couldn't afford to give her kids any kind of luxury. I remember my grandma begging my mom to go back to my dad so they can at least live a "normal" life. My mom kept her pride and vowed never to go back because she was never happy in the first place with him. She does say he's a good man, but it was not what she wanted. From what I learn. It is what ever makes you happy that matters the most. That's why I always let my breakups go because if she wasn't happy than why should I be. We live in a world where people want to be powerful and set up your lives. As in the way you work and live. So they can get what they want. They are human. It is human nature to be selfish. As being part of the population. We want happiness and sometimes we have to be selfish to be happy. I say sometimes because not everything is about being selfish. Coming to my long conclusion. My mom did what made her happy. Even though it wasn't easy, it made her happy. Now she's more than financially stabled and remarried. Good things come to people who work for it. My mother could of stayed with my father and not worry for the rest of her life. She chose to challenge that, so she could fight for what she wanted. My dad, well he's really stabled and remarried, so he moved on. He's a great person in generally and I could understand why he was so heartbroken. Main point is that life goes on because we choose to make life go on. We live and we learn. "What's comfortable now becomes uncomfortable later. What uncomfortable now becomes comfortable later." You also have to ask yourself in the end. "Is it worth it?" Link to post Share on other sites
Solcita2 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 It doesn't matter how the marriage begin, the question is if you love and care for your spouse now... Is an open marriage an option? Is divorcing an option? Would he leave his spouse and would you leave yours? Entering a friendship that will surely become a EA is not very wise... it doesn't matter if your marriage was arrange or not... I met several couples whose marriages were arrange and they were very happy and devoted to each other... an A would have NEVER being in their minds... Link to post Share on other sites
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