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how to convince my ex for 2nd chance?


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i'm wondering how can i convince my ex girlfriend to give me another shot. she told me to learn from my mistakes and promises me i'll be better for my next girlfriend. the thing is, why can't i just apply it to a new relationship with her. she believes i have the potential to be a great bf, but still doesn't want to be with me now. we never reconciled, it would be nice to have a second chance.

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My ex said the exact same thing to me. There really is only one option and that is to just be the best person you can be. Live your life to your full potential and just try to be genuinely happy. It's the only win win situation as your ex will either see this new and better you and will decide to take you back, or she'll never take you back but at least you still become a better person in the end. I've been doing a lot better and my ex has seen this and has commented on it. Although she did say she's happy I'm doing better and that it'll be great for my future relationships, which kind of tells me she still has no plans to take me back yet.

 

You can't force her or trick her into giving you a second chance. Just use this break up as a lesson learned and if she feels that you have genuinely changed in the future she might consider coming back. Understand that this might take a lot of time. Sometimes 6 months - 2 years as promises are cheap and actions speak louder than words. She needs time to at least miss you and see that any changes you have made have become permanent.

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keepontruckin

Dez, you can't convince your ex to give you another chance. Once they check out, they check out.

 

Trust me... I had plenty of time with my stbxw when I was (stupidly) furnishing her apartment, and I heard every classic line in the book during that time...

 

"Love you but not in love with you"

"We can be friends"

"You'll find someone else"

"Life is too short"

 

I also had the opportunity to transform myself into what I thought was a better person, and I did have to opportunity to prove this to her, in person.

 

I had the opportunity that many posters here wish they had, and it doesn't make one bit of difference.

 

As I said, once they check out, they are no longer the person that you thought you knew.

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I agree with "keepontruckin"

 

They say all these things. "You need to change. But I don't want you to change a bit for me". "I hate your lifestyle but don't change for me", "I still love you", "I care about you" - But guess what?! They don't give you a second chance.

 

If you really loved me honey then why not give us a second chance then?!

 

Believe me I was a bad boyfriend. I had a lot of baggage and problems for a 23 year old guy. But I never directly did anything that would mean my ex would be insane and ill advised to give me a second chance, i.e. domestic abuse, etc. I was just a bit depressed and messed up.

 

I begged. I pleased. I left them alone. I got my **** together. I showed them. I made promises and kept them and told them how much I loved them. Nothing! They just will not give you a second chance.

 

It doesn't matter what I do or you do. They will always have the old image of you in their heads and this will not change. The ironic thing is my ex needed to change as well. He needed to communicate properly and not send out cryptic non-decipherable messages like "you need to change". In the end "good sex" was more important to him than being with a man that loved him and someone he professed to love.

 

No doubt if you earn loads of money and develop an AMAZING body along with a designer wardrobe etc they may be attracted to you again. But if they leave you when you need them most do you really want them back when you are at your best? Love needs to weather the storm not just be there when the rainbow breaks and the sunshine is out.

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keepontruckin

No doubt if you earn loads of money and develop an AMAZING body along with a designer wardrobe etc they may be attracted to you again.

Alex, not even this would change a thing. Trust me...

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keepontruckin
Why do you think it is like that? That it makes no difference?

Simply because the significant other has a notion of whom you are, and they want nothing to do with it.

 

I have learned that money doesn't buy squat in relationships. The happiest couples are both poor and rich alike... Income really means nothing, as strange as that sounds.

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Yes I guessed that would be your answer.

 

My ex will never see me in a different light I imagine.

 

Whilst it hurt like hell losing him etc and still hurts years later I always think of this and it helps a little bit...At least I know that in my life I had a gorgeous, intelligent man that did love me once. So I have experienced love in my life.

 

I guess it is so hard to maintain a relationship in today's world. I always try to put myself in a partner's shoes. If you are the really hot, successful one then inevitably eventually you start wondering if there is something better and that in turn makes you identify failings in your present partner which leads to unhappiness and eventually some form of hatred.

 

We all long for love and when we get it eventually you always think you can do better. Usually it ends with you losing everything and starting again from scratch.

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keepontruckin
At least I know that in my life I had a gorgeous, intelligent man that did love me once.

Think hard... He had his flaws also, no?

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Yes he did. I just posted in a different section about this.

 

He did not communicate well. He hardly spoke and this infuriated me because it made it hard to connect sometimes. This is just the way he is. He was unhappy for a long time but instead of talking to me about it and really making me listen and understand that certain things I was doing really made him unhappy he kept them to himself. So we could never work on our problems and deal with them. Instead he just kept them to himself until one day they convinced him that we were not right for each other.

 

He also did not look for a job at all because he wanted to get a job with his degree. (of course after years and now being split up he now has his degree job. So good for him)

 

He also would never let me meet his flatmate. I think his flatmate supplemented his rent (they emigrated together) and he said his flatmate would be jealous seeing him happy with a guy. As his flatmate could not get a guy. At first I thought he was cheating or that his flatmate was his husband. I know now as a certainty that he is and always has been just his flatmate and my ex is a VERY considerate man that avoids conflict at all costs. His flatmate had made his wishes clear and my ex would never do anything to cause conflict or upset him. Nevertheless it did feel weird not being able to meet his flatmate and usually (but not in this case) when people compartmentalize their lives it is to hide something.

 

But I accepted my ex's flaws and they became endearing to me. Unfortunately he could not accept my flaws...I am still angry at him for giving up our love.

 

I used to cause a lot of conflict and I was also a drinker. My ex as I said is very passive and avoids it. Unfortunately had my ex weathered the storm he would of seen that I was just going through a really low point in life and that in actuality one of the reasons I fell in love with him is because I also avoid conflict and preferred his lifestyle of peace and calm and responsibility.

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My ex hardly drank. Was not into drugs. Did not like partying and wanted a long term thing. Me too. I wanted to be sober. I have never done drugs and I feel awkward going clubbing etc.

 

But if you asked him I am sure he would say something different about me.

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keepontruckin

Alex, we are whom we are. I like to drink, sometimes too much also... It is just whom I am...

 

We are whom we are, with all of our faults and idiosyncrasies.

 

Sometimes on these forums we see "try to change for you" or "try to change for her," etc...

 

I believe the essential lesson to be learned is to try to change so you're happy with yourself. Everything else will follow once you are happy with yourself...

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Thanks. Well I was an alcoholic more than just a heavy drinker. If I had just liked a drink then I would off told him to get lost.

 

Anyway I don't want to hijack the original posters thread.

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keepontruckin
Anyway I don't want to hijack the original posters thread.

Screw him! Now I'm hijacking his thread!

 

Alex, change only for you. If what you do makes you happy, roll with it. If what you do doesn't make you happy, change it.

 

The rest of the pieces will fall into place over time...

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keepontruckin
My ex made me happy. Just not happy enough to stop me from almost killing myself through not eating and drinking heavily 24/7

That wasn't his job. And he wasn't willing to stand by you, so you know what his efforts will be in them future...

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I know he would never understand addiction or be supportive through addiction.

 

Now I am sober I am not sure whether it should ever be expected of him or any partner to deal with their partners addiction issues.

 

I get conflicted messages whenever I speak about this. Some say he was right to leave and I should never expect him to stay or be supportive.

 

A few say well if he loved you he should of been there.

 

I have to admit I am in the former category.

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