Infomercials Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 So...ex is coming over to talk. We've talked about a chance to try to work things out (counseling, etc.) He needs space and time, and I'm trying to respect that. but of course I want to talk badly. He said something like "I'll be there around one or two." It's almost two, and I am flipping out wanting him to be here. Ugh. It's like it's ripping my heart out of my chest...I'm forcing myself not to text him and rush him or ask him why he's not here yet. That is exactly one of the things that drives him crazy. Patience is NOT my virtue. Link to post Share on other sites
AwptiK Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Patience is not a virtue of mine at all either. But it's been 2 hours since your post...what ended up happening?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Infomercials Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 I had to run straight to work afterwards! He came over, we talked, it was lovely. He's still needing time and space, but I think it's more than likely that we could work this out. I don't want to do NC, exactly, but he needs his space, and I'm going to give it to him. We're going to not speak or see each other for two weeks, and then, with no pressure, see each other again. I need strict rules not to talk to him, and that's what I've given myself. I haven't done it since! I know, I know. Not like eight hours is all that impressive, but still! It feels pretty accomplished for me! Has anyone ever done something quite like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Infomercials Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 So, I was dead tired when I wrote that, and I was able to get a little sleep last night. The saga continues, though. He stopped over at our place to pick up a few things that he would need for today. He knew I'd probably be asleep (he works very late some nights), and I was - thanks to some sleep aids, but he came into the bedroom to grab a few clean shirts, and that woke me up. I knew he was planning on stopping over...he hasn't woken me up coming in the room for months because I was so used to it. The moment the door opened this time, though, I was right awake. Couldn't help it. I tried to pretend I was still asleep, but he was THERE, and I knew I wasn't going to talk to or see him for a few weeks now. I told him I was awake, and he knelt down by the bed and stroked my hair...which he knows is one of my favorite things he does, and put his forehead up against mine like we do a lot. He didn't stay very long - his friend was waiting for him in the car - but he stayed for a few minutes. The part that's breaking my heart at the moment is that I said "I miss you" and he responded "obviously I miss you, too." I know how he feels about me - there is still all the love between us there has ever been. He's said he needs time to think about things, and I understand that, but it breaks my heart not to be with him. I've been thinking about it, and I'm not so sad and having such a hard time because I'm incapable of living without him. Of course I could live without him. I just don't want to. I think about everything we could be doing, and everything I want to with him, and I just can't breathe. I also happen to suffer from an anxiety condition, and a lot of my anxiety revolves around his safety, things like that. He was also my best defense against my anxiety - a few minutes in his arms, and I felt like everything was going to be okay again. Obviously, I need to do more for myself with this condition, and I am making plans to go back to therapy, etc., but this not being able to talk to him is making me lose my mind. After he stopped by, I couldn't fall back asleep - part of the reason I'm awake now. I'm not sure what to do about this part. Sorry, this is getting long. I'm trying to keep myself from calling him. I know he's asleep, and we agreed that we needed some time! It's so cliche, but every minute really does feel like an hour. I'm losing it. I know exactly where the friend he's staying with will be on Wednesday night...and he probably won't be there due to work...and I want to go there and talk to him. I feel like that's a little crazy! It probably is, but I'm so worried about him. I truly think that, at the end of this time, he'll come home to me, but I want to make sure that I don't do anything to screw this up. I know not everyone believes in soulmates, but I truly think he's mine, and not having control of this situation makes me want to scream. Although, in a relationship, I know I can't always have control...it's a bit of a problem for me. Right now, I'm just fantasizing about a phone call where he tells me he's decided already and he wants to come home. Link to post Share on other sites
marklarsson Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 Just stay strong and don't contact him. Especially if he said he needs the space. He will respect you for that no matter what the out come Link to post Share on other sites
LostGirl11 Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 Hmmm. It really isn't that hard. Just leave the man alone. This all sounds very needy. You have will power - use it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Infomercials Posted March 17, 2013 Author Share Posted March 17, 2013 Never said I wasn't needy. It's something I'm trying to work on for sure. I've relied on him so much for a long time, and I'm trying to overwrite old behavior patterns with new ones. I had a good day today, though. I went to work, I did my job. Had dinner and a little shopping with one of my best friends. I know if this thing's going to work, I need to know that I can be happy and fulfilled without him - even if I still really, really, really want to be happy and fulfilled with him! It's something that my brain knows...heart just needs a little catching up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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