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She wanted a break I broke-up


shredordie

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A little backstory:

 

We were dating nine months. Things seemed great. We did have our issues, specifically I put off meeting her best friend, which was partially subconscious, partially related to my stresses about grad-work (I'm a writer), but bottom line I should have just bit the bullet and met him. Regardless, things still seemed OK and we'd even discussed meeting her friend and I thought that was going to happen. But then she asked for a break.

 

She's 28, I'm 27. Neither of us have a ton of relationship history. This was her longest relationship. There was never any kind of jealousy on my part, nor was there any real enmeshment that I perceived. We spent quite a bit of time apart actually because of our artistic pursuits. I have some social anxieties that she knew about, but I mean things generally seemed healthy.

 

She asked for a one-week break because she said she was feeling severely depressed. She started counseling. I started counseling for my social anxiety. Basically we said we'd both work on each other during the break.

 

I have a TREMENDOUSLY DIFFICULT time dealing with the break. This is something I've actually been working on with my therapist: impulse control. I talk to her several times during the week, including one text message I sent that made her think I wanted to break up. She immediately calls me and we have an emotional discussion and decide that we're not going to do the break. We're supposed to see each other that Friday (or so I think). Friday rolls around, we don't see each other. Her memories of our conversation are different and she says we're still on a break but that she'll see me on Sunday.

 

We see each other Sunday. It's sad. She wants more time and says that she really needs me to respect her need for space. I agree.

 

I have a hard time during the week. IMPULSE. CONTROL. I don't text or phone her excessively or anything, but there are a couple of days where I do text her and tell her I'm having a hard time and I would like to see her. No response.

 

Break extends into third week. I email her apologizing for breach of space (I know this is space-violating itself, but I couldn't just let well enough alone).

 

The next day she sends me a very stern email that DEMANDS one month of space with no contact whatsoever.

 

This seems like a very disproportionate response to me based on what's been happening and I'm blown away. I'm hurt. How can someone who supposedly cares about me impose something like that. Doesn't she realize how that would affect me?

 

I send her a text saying that I think we need to end things. I send her an email the next day reaffirming as much, with more details. It was melodramatic, but I broke it off. I said that one month was too much. I do say that I want to talk to her about all this.

 

At the time I meant it, and it might even be the right decision, but I do love this girl and I think that we've regrettably been caught up in a little bit of drama. Ultimately, I do not want to break up with her.

 

It's been 4 days and she hasn't acknowledged my break-up messages, although she has expressed anger to a mutual friend and asked him if she could give him some of my stuff to return to me.

 

I want things to settle down before I reach out to her again, but I also want her to know that I don't want this to be the end of things. Trying so hard not to text her right now :(

 

Thanks for reading this long message, I appreciate any advice.

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