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Five years after breaking-up, still doing the touch-and-go thing?


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A LONG TIME AGO...

My ex-boyfriend and I were together for about two years. It was an emotional and messy break-up at the end.. though by now, it's safe to say that we've both moved on in our separate lives. Since then, this is what it's been like:

  • A YEAR after we broke up, he tried to reconnect with me, but I had a lot of walls up and felt distrustful. Then a few months later, he sent me a thoughtful e-mail apologizing and making amends for our past. I don't remember if I responded, but we didn't talk for a while.
  • TWO YEARS after that e-mail, he called me out of the blue. We talked about making plans to meet, but I felt unsure of his intentions and the more aggressively he pursued this, the more hesitant and scared I became and eventually called it off.
  • A FEW MONTHS LATER, I reflected and I realized he probably meant well, but I was just stressed and overwhelmed with other things at that time, and didn't know how to respond to a situation like this, in a mature way. It was belated, but I sent him an e-mail as an apologetic gesture, and wished him well in his current goals.

I was surprised he even wrote back, but we talked back and forth for a few months. After I replied to his last (long-ish?) e-mail though, I never heard back. That was almost a year ago, and I guess the ball is in his court. To be fair, my e-mail was on the shorter side and not much to talk about really. I thought about e-mailing him later, but he had a girlfriend last we talked (I think different one than before?), and I just didn't wanna intrude.

 

As for myself, I've tried dating and whatnot, but I'm just not interested in anyone. My ex was my 'first love' and though I feel shy saying this now, I loved him.. lots. Having had someone like that in my life, no one really seems to measure up to that, and I prefer to be single, after having tried a few half-hearted tries in another relationship. LOL, I don't even know what the point of my post is. But what are your thoughts on this?

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the past is the past for a reason? he was your first love and you havent met anyone else to whisk you off your feet so your heart is telling you he is the one... when really he probably isn't. as you say he is with someone new now so there is nothing to be gained anyway.

 

get yourself out there and im sure your'll meet a good guy

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It's just that in the last few years, he has typically reached out to me first (despite his relationship status), but when it came down to it, I was too scared to reciprocate though now I've overcome the initial fears.

 

We actually technically didn't "break-up". We went on a break, but then got into a major fight during that time and stopped talking, and sort of drifted off into our separate lives (moved to a different region, etc). The last time we talked (before this previous thread of e-mails), it was when he scared me off. But when he realized what happened, he had told me that whenever I'm ready, I should let him know. He says he's been waiting this long, he can wait more.

 

I might just be reading too much into this. And I think you're also right in that since I haven't met anyone, my heart's telling me he might be the one, when he really might not. I'm 99% sure I'm not going to initiate communication with him, but I'm still glad I wrote this all out just to get other people's thoughts and feedback on this...

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to OP, girls in this world just had to know there is NO such thing as The One,love is just hormones,and a person who is in a relationship isnt waiting you,and "The One" would not breakup with you at the 1st place,the sensation you are feeling right now is not love,its a mere attachment and memories,sorry to be harsh but thats what it is,deep in you,you know what you should do

 

TD

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