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My ex and I fixed things, however her parents are making things impossible


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Hello ladies and gentlemen. My name is Mike, I’m new here, this is my 1st post, and I need some advice.

 

I know this is a bit long, however without all the details I feel it’s hard to help. Please help me out and read this. Thanks in advance.

 

My girlfriend and I have had a great relationship. We do everything together, and really enjoy each other’s company. I love her very much, she is by far the best girlfriend I have ever been with, and have even started ring shopping for her.

 

A couple of weeks ago, on July 20th (The Dark Knight Rises release) we get into an argument on the way to the Cinebistro to do dinner and a movie. I had asked her for an extra 15 minutes after the movie to talk since we had gotten in a minor argument the Wednesday prior to the 20th and hadn’t really had the chance to talk things over since she had recently started a new job and I hadn’t been seeing her half as much (not exaggerating at all) as I normally did. She said no, which really bothered me because every time she needs me whether it be needing my help with something or just some extra time with me I’m always there for her, regardless of the time of the day or how tired I am. However, in her defense she was tired as she was up since 7am and the movie started at 9pm.

 

Anyway, I didn’t realize that I probably should’ve given her the benefit of the doubt until after everything was over and at the moment I continued to get upset. My getting angry manifested itself in my driving and I started driving really fast. She told me to pull over because she was scared, and I did. She got out of my car and said she wouldn’t get in the car with me again. She then said she was going to call her mother to pick her up. I had already calmed down and at this point was very remorseful for my actions. I knew I had scared her and that is the least thing I ever wanted because clearly I love her and don’t want scared. I then try to reason with her and tell her, “Babe, if you call your mother you will only make things worse. We can solve this on our own, and if you really want to leave and don’t want me driving, you drive my car to your house, and I’ll drive myself home afterwards. However, if you call your mom it will put us in a very bad predicament.”

 

Well, she didn’t want to listen. Went to get her phone, and when she pulled it out, I calmly grabbed it from her (big mistake I know, but I just wanted to talk to her) and asked her, “Please listen to me.” She then freaked out and started screaming at me, so I gave it back to her immediately. She then called her mom and asked her to pick her up. She does and I leave home by myself.

 

I don’t hear from her at all and don’t contact her for a few days to let things cool down. The Wednesday after I send 2 dozen roses to her office with a note that read, “I am deeply sorry for my actions. Just because I haven’t contacted you doesn’t mean you haven’t been incredibly missed or thought of. I love you very much, and if you’d like to talk sometime that would be great.” Clearly, I knew that flowers went going to fix things, but I wanted to open the lines of communication to at least have the opportunity to do so. Well, Wednesday at around lunch time her mom shows up telling me they don’t want my flowers and to leave her daughter alone.

 

Well, Thursday I receive a text from her. We start talking and eventually worked things out Friday and got back together. Things are great between her and I. Believe it or not they are even better than before because we even worked out some minor things that were bothering each of us.

 

However, one big problem remains…her MOM.

 

Her mom hasn’t let me step foot in her house since then which means I only see her during lunch Monday thru Friday. When my girlfriend is home, she can't even text me, let alone talk on the phone with me. Most of the time my girlfriend wants to get intimate during lunch, which clearly I have no problem with. However, I want more than an hour for lunch. I mean now I feel I have more of a friends with benefits than an actual girlfriend and it’s killing me because I really do love her.

 

She says she’s tried to talk to her mom, but her mom doesn’t want to hear it. To give a little background, my girlfriend is 23, has type 1 diabetes so needs the pump on her 24/7, and has always been very attached to her mom.

 

Her aunt (her mom’s sister) is on our side, but can’t help at the moment because my girlfriend’s mom found out she knew we were talking and didn’t tell her.

 

Problem is her father has been physically violent with her mom (pushed her forcefully against the wall and was threatening) and she thinks driving fast can eventually turn into physical violence. Thing is I have a sister, and was taught real early in my life to never be physical with women and would never in a million years do so.

 

Question is, how do I win the mom over again because she used to love me? Do I attempt to talk to her father? Invite him to lunch or something? Do I try to talk with her 15 year old brother who used to love me too but now is upset at me as well? Do I write the mom?

 

What do I do? I love her and really don’t want to lose her and this is killing the both of us.

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The Mum probably see's your actions (driving like a lunatic, leaving your gf alone at night whilst she waits for Mum, snatching the phone from her) as the early signs to something deeper, she's been through a abusive relationship remember.

 

In my opinion I'd be looking at myself after behaving like you did, your gf probably didn't want a confrontation after a nice evening out but for some reason you couldn't take no for an answer and behave in some form rational manner.

 

You'll need to be patient now and win back the trust of her Mum, you expecting everything to be rosey after a few days is very unrealistic.

 

Patience.

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First off, you shouldn't have chased her after she called her mom. You should have left it alone, NOT send roses. It was her choice to call the ride and leave and create a scene. You should have backed off and let her feel bad for what she did. You basically averted a fight that could of fixed things and left it bottled inside and let her have her way. The fact that you sent her the roses and everything else just shows you are letting her walk all over you and do what you want. The fact that she refused to talk about your problems and she left the car and wouldn't listen should have been good enough for you.

 

Secondly, she's twenty three and she still lives with her very controlling mom? She cries and screams when you don't listen to her? You've got interesting taste, man. How long have you guys even been dating? She should have trusted you enough not to call her mom like that. I'd just leave, bro.

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Secondly, she's twenty three and she still lives with her very controlling mom? She cries and screams when you don't listen to her? You've got interesting taste, man. How long have you guys even been dating? She should have trusted you enough not to call her mom like that. I'd just leave, bro.

 

Yes, her mom is extremely controlling & I don't think she's gone against any of her mom's wishes in her life. Regarding my taste, I guess that was the 1st real fight we got in(we have had little arguments that's normal between couples but no where close to anything like this) so I really didn't know she was capable of it. I love her though, which is why I sent the flowers although you're right I shouldn't have. We've been together for 8 months and you are 110% correct, she should've trusted me more. Even though what I did was wrong she should know I'd never do anything to hurt her. SMH! I mean, I always took very good care of her and treated her and her family as my own. Which is part of the reason I'm so hurt. Her mom should've at least heard me out & should've taken my whole body of work into consideration and not only my one mistake.

 

Thanks for you reply and your advice. I may just leave after all, it's just not easy to let go when you love someone.

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She either needs to break away from her mom or you need to leave her. She is 23 and won't text you when she is home?? That is crazy.

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Wow04, you are right, she does need to break away. Unfortunately, I don't see her doing that...at least not anytime soon.

 

I am seriously contemplating leaving her. I love her so it hurts, but damn this isn't a relationship. I know I made a mistake, but I don't deserve this either.

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