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24 yrs old, been with girl (5+ yrs), have house+dog, now trouble PLEASE HELP!


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

 
 
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Old 1st March 2004, 11:44 PM   #1
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Red face 24 yrs old, been with girl (5+ yrs), have house+dog, now trouble PLEASE HELP!

I have been with a girl since I was 19, (i'm now 24), she is older, we met on her 21st birthday, and she is now 26. We have had mutual trust issues for different reasons for around 2 years now, in a nutshell, i thought she cheated on me and vise versa. Basically, things went downhill until February 5th (of this year) when she moved out of our house. We do not have any children, but we have everything else! I didn't want her to leave, but she wanted a "break". I feel we seperated on good terms, we split things we bought while we were together without fighting, and I even drove the uhaul over to her new apartment. She moved in with a female friend of hers from work. I never wanted her to leave in the first place, but I'm looking for advise as to what (if anything) I can do to help us get back together and on the right track.

When she left, she had said that we could stay in touch, etc, and I was calling her once per week. Last saturday, i bumped into her at a nightclub wearing a shirt that said "what boyfriend", and was hanging all over a guy she works with. I'm assuming it is/was an affair, but surprisingly I almost don't even care. It did really bother me though the way she acted,and I asked her to meet me for dinner the following day. She decided to come up to the house instead. She proceeded to tell me that she didn't even want to be friends anymore, and that we need to cut all communication!! This really broke my heart. I know I haven't been perfect, but I don't deserve that!!

What I am asking everyone is do you think there is ANY hope of us getting back on our feet? When we were together,and things were good, things were GREAT. It was the best times of my life! Now that she is gone, i have a 3 bedroom house, a new convertible corvette, and a dog, and no other companion for the first time in my life. i have a good job, and all my friends are telling me to "screw it", and move on. They either don't understand my feelings, or have never been in love! I just can't do that.

I am willing to do anything in my power to help get her back. This girl means the world to me, and I would honestly consider marriage if we got things back the way they were. I am assuming that in the short term, it is in my best interest NOT to communicate with her at all, but for how long?? 1 week, month, etc? This is the hardest thing I have ever been through. I was a virgin when I met this girl, and she had a kid when she was 15 that was given up for adoption. Greatly different histories, but still an unimaginable love at one time. CAN I GET IT BACK??? Thanks for your advise! I don't have any experience with this, and I don't want to make more mistakes than I already have!
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Old 2nd March 2004, 12:23 AM   #2
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Even pain passes..

Quote:
Originally posted by davej
What I am asking everyone is do you think there is ANY hope of us getting back on our feet?
No. Doesn't look like there's much hope here. Already looks like she's trying to move on with her life and you must do your best to do the same.

It's not even been a month - it will take a while for the reality of your situation to sink in but don't go clutching at straws, she gave you no indication that she wants to get back with you.

Quote:
I am assuming that in the short term, it is in my best interest NOT to communicate with her at all,
She proceeded to tell me that she didn't even want to be friends anymore, and that we need to cut all communication!!

Quote:
but for how long?? 1 week, month, [...]?
Until she contacts you. When she does (and she will eventually contact you) whether it's in 6 months or 6 years hopefully you'll be over her and able to look back and see that she wasn't the girl for you.

How long do you think it'll take for you to honestly be in a position to say that it was for the best that you split up? That's how long you've gotta wait.

Quote:
This is the hardest thing I have ever been through[...]I don't have any experience with this, and I don't want to make more mistakes than I already have!
First love is the most wonderful, first break-up's are the worst. Live and survive, that should be your motto now, not HOW DO I GET IT BACK. No one can get the past back, not the pope, not Bush, not Donny and Marie, no one. One of the things about love is that we feel because it WAS good it will be again - not necessarily and certainly not when one of the two has moved on in a 'man-trap' blouse looking for break-up sex in all likelihood...

Put your reading glasses on and read some of the threads on 'coping' her at LS. Do a search under 'no contact' and try and remember, it will get better - nothing stays the same, not even pain...

R.
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Old 2nd March 2004, 12:28 AM   #3
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Reckless is making a lot of good points!

However, can the 'trust' issues be resolved? If you accused her for something she didn't do....can you say you are sorry? If she really DID do it....can you forgive her? If YOU did it....can she forgive you?

Those are the questions and answers you may be able to use in order to confront her and save this relationship.
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Old 2nd March 2004, 12:31 AM   #4
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Yeah yeah, we've all been in love before and we know how it feels. But I will tell you this: real love doesn't kick you to the curb to go out clubbing and hook up with random douchebags from the office.

At least she broke it off cleanly and didn't give you the "I still want to be friends" BS so she could torture you for months on end. No reason to call her now, right? She said no contact. If she's ever gonna come back it won't be because you begged, so don't bother calling. EVER. You've already got your life together (dude, you are doing VERY well at 24), she's too stupid to see that.

If you're doing so well at your age, you must be smart, why do you need a dumbass like that in your life? Save the marriage bit for a woman that is worth it (this is coming from someone who would have been ring shopping this month).

Just walk. You're so money and you don't even know it.
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Old 2nd March 2004, 12:39 AM   #5
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i have a 3 bedroom house, a new convertible corvette, and a dog, and no other companion.


Dixiecron,
I'm not sure the house, car and dog is making him happy here!!!! It's not like Dave hit the lottery!!!

LMAO!

......excuse me Dave....I have a warped sense of humor!!!........
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Old 2nd March 2004, 12:58 AM   #6
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closing the stable door..

Granted Arabess - good questions to consider but I was presuming that after struggling with an issue(s) for two of a five year (live-in) relationship that that ground has probably been covered.

Still, 19 and 21 were very young ages to get together and I've read enough at LS to know not only that the logical may not be obvious to those involved but that the question 'how can I fix it?' is often asked long after it's been hauled by the city to the local dumpster....

Respect,
R.
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Old 2nd March 2004, 1:28 AM   #7
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I agree Reckless. I guess the price of maturity is knowing you are screwed.....early on! HAHA!
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Old 2nd March 2004, 2:57 AM   #8
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when my bf and i broke up after 6 years, we both thought it was over. but then, a few weeks went by, and he called me. we talked about how much we missed each other and how we want to get back together. i think that there is hope for you two. you were with her for five yrs. and you're only 24. you two were young when you got in the relationship. She may just feel as though she needs to experience things on her own, like i did. but I always had him in the back of my mind, and she may have you in the back of hers. She may come back. If she doesn't, you will still be the one she'll compare every guy to. Give her space for a little, then call her. See what happens. I hope all goes well for you!
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Old 2nd March 2004, 4:04 PM   #9
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wow, i really appreciate the help! You have all made great points. I won't be calling her anytime soon. My birthday is at the end of june. I will probably give her until that time (roughly) to contact me. If I still have the feelings that I have today, then we'll see what happens. I think I can finally see that I've done all that I can. Thanks again everyone!
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Old 4th March 2004, 8:18 AM   #10
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24 yrs old, been with girl (5+ yrs), have house+dog, now trouble PLEASE HELP!

Hmm.

I think you should move on. Seriously. I know it's hard but just do it. It'll be better for you.
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