Dumpers reconciliation process. Thoughts?

[Troubles]

My question would be is it beneficial or harmful for your reconciliation that your ex is reading your blog/facebook/twitter?

 

Do you think that:

 

1) By having this piece of information on bits and ends of how your life is going this will give them "their cake and letting them eat it too" therefore your chances of reconciliation are low?

 

OR

 

2)By them having this access it is more of a piece of them to keep attached to you, and keep you on their minds??

 

Anyones thoughts on this or experiences with it??

[ZhaoZilong5]

"Having their cake and eating it too" usually means they're getting the excitement of a new SO while using you as an emotional crutch. Since you're not actually communicating with the person, I doubt this will happen.

 

Whenever people are told to go NC, they're supposed also block social networking to help them move on. In this case, your ex is missing you and not taking the steps to move on. I think a little information is good to show how well you're doing and that you're living your own life. You're able to stand alone and be confident. Sad, depressed, angry updates will probably only make them pity you or feel guilty. Neither are good foundations for starting a new relationship. I personally think that you shouldn't have too many updates if you know your ex is checking your page. Leave some mystery, and let his/her mind wander. If your ex didn't care, then he/she wouldn't be checking your pages in the first place.

 

Seriously, just be indifferent. You shouldn't care what they see. If you think you're ready to reconcile and show your ex that you care, then contact should be made directly, not through indirect pieces of information.

 

My ex broke up with me due to distance and G.I.G.S. She crawls my page constantly. I came out of the BU strong, confident, and still perfect in her eyes, but the distance wasn't working for her. She's probably going to date another guy, but she's still crawling my FB in the mean time. What am I doing? I went from NIC to NC/super LC. I know she'll miss my attention and my emotional support. There's another guy involved, so it's time for me to move on in the most attractive way possible to her. Screw getting friend-zoned.

 

In essence, you're going NC to heal. You're not letting her interfere with other aspects of your life by making you afraid to do things like using social media the way you did before you met her. She's getting no direct contact from you, but she's getting information that you're improving and becoming a better person not because you willingly replied to anything she asked, but because she's actively seeking information about you.

[Troubles]

So I shouldn't be afraid of continuing blogging or using social networking sites then? Sometimes I think it's going against NC because im aware that she's on them and checking up on me. But I am not giving any subliminal messages to her or talking about anything to initiate contact with her.

[Gulf-Delta]

"Having their cake and eating it too" usually means they're getting the excitement of a new SO while using you as an emotional crutch. Since you're not actually communicating with the person, I doubt this will happen.

 

Whenever people are told to go NC, they're supposed also block social networking to help them move on. In this case, your ex is missing you and not taking the steps to move on. I think a little information is good to show how well you're doing and that you're living your own life. You're able to stand alone and be confident. Sad, depressed, angry updates will probably only make them pity you or feel guilty. Neither are good foundations for starting a new relationship. I personally think that you shouldn't have too many updates if you know your ex is checking your page. Leave some mystery, and let his/her mind wander. If your ex didn't care, then he/she wouldn't be checking your pages in the first place.

 

Seriously, just be indifferent. You shouldn't care what they see. If you think you're ready to reconcile and show your ex that you care, then contact should be made directly, not through indirect pieces of information.

 

My ex broke up with me due to distance and G.I.G.S. She crawls my page constantly. I came out of the BU strong, confident, and still perfect in her eyes, but the distance wasn't working for her. She's probably going to date another guy, but she's still crawling my FB in the mean time. What am I doing? I went from NIC to NC/super LC. I know she'll miss my attention and my emotional support. There's another guy involved, so it's time for me to move on in the most attractive way possible to her. Screw getting friend-zoned.

 

In essence, you're going NC to heal. You're not letting her interfere with other aspects of your life by making you afraid to do things like using social media the way you did before you met her. She's getting no direct contact from you, but she's getting information that you're improving and becoming a better person not because you willingly replied to anything she asked, but because she's actively seeking information about you.

 

How do you know your ex checks your facebook?? :confused:

 

As for dumper reconciliation process...who really knows? They'll do what they want, you do what you want. Whatever comes of it, will come of it, you know? You can't predict or plan it...

[ZhaoZilong5]

I knew because over the course of a month and when I was still in NIC, she did things like liking a status update, asked me about things that I only made known on FB, then asked me about things other people were doing on my FB wall. To be honest, while she's not on FB a lot, it seemed like if she ever was on FB, then it coincided with the times I posted the things that she asked me about.

[eltsac]

My honest opinion - not that you should listen to it, but at least consider it - is to move one mate.

 

Honestly, don't worry about what she thinks, sees etc. Not for the sake of trying to act cool, or confident or whatever to attract her back - but to move on.

 

I did the second chance thing with my ex, and have friends who have too, and it really isn't worth it. We lasted well over a year after already being together for 5 - and although its not the same for everyone I think the worst advice you can get is to give you hope.

 

It ends for a reason, usually a bad reason, but it ends and there is no point in being hung up on a single person. Life is exciting, there are so many people to meet, experiences to have and personalities to explore. Grow - live life - evolve - into a man and a better you, with or without this woman you once had. I shouldn't matter, because eventually you'll find someone lovely, who loves you and respects you enough not to give up on you.

 

Again - this is all an opinion and possibly not great advice if youre hurting etc. - but you seem young, and you have a lot of life ahead of you that it shouldn't be wasted on one person, trying to get her approval - it should be spent on you and meeting others. I know its tough to put yourself out there, but you did it once, do it again.