monkey Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 Dear All I've talked about my situation on other parts of this forum, LDR, coping etc, but i feel i need to speak again as brcause chances come into it. I came to America with my gf of 1 year because she had this invitation to be a nanny. I am English & she is Hungarian. The last year has involved a lot of travelling between England & Hungary & staying at my parents house that caused lots of arguments between us all because of the space invasion situation & the fact that my gf & mum not get on well. We needed it to save money. We came to America, after 3 months i would have to leave & she would stay & try to extend her visa. In the past before i met her i suffered from anxiety a little & she knew about this, 1 month before i leaft i started to worry about coming back to everything i didn't want to be around, i didn't want to leave the States because it was perfect, everything i had dreamed of, starting new life abroad, away from all the stagnation back home. I had to leave for visa reasons & would plan to return about 3 months later after xmas. I was getting panic attacks & she was very good about this but i felt i was putting stress on her, she is a strong person & i am strong for her, this is what relationships are about, being there for each other, had it been the other way round, i would have done everything to help her & try make her feel well. It was so hard leaving at the airport but i got home to plan things, we would keep in touch & i'd get some medication & i'd return. When i returned i realised she had emailed my dad behind my back saying she needed space & felt more like a nurse than a gf & that she couldn't tell me she needed space while i was there because i needed her & she was scared i wouldn't return, even though legally i had to. I was devastated & felt decieved although i now realise she did it for our health. I over emailed her with questions because i was in shock over all this. We were always telling each other how much we loved each other & i always looked after her when she was ill. We stopped email altogether & now have started again. She says she needs space & may never want to be together again, only as friends. This is very hard to deal with because i couldn't help this problem, she understands this but it made her feel bad. She always told me she wanted to see me when i'm better, as friends & we'll see how it goes, but now there is an ocean between us, even though she still says this, but now is like, meet talk & then leave!, as though she has her ambition of being in America & i don't matter. She always told me to be positive & never say never & i feel i deserve the chance to show her my i'm ok. If she was ill, it would never be a reason to not want to be with them, the way i've been brought up, these things should make a relationship stronger. I try not to talk of us & the future because i not want to be pushy but how does she expect me to feel. I love her with all my heart & i just hope that time & space makes her think this too! We did see each other everyday for over a year & she is more independent than me, i just hope she said these things because she was stressed & time will help. I couldn't help this! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 If she was ill, it would never be a reason to not want to be with them, the way i've been brought up Be that as it may, unfortunately there are lots and lots of people who either don't think the same way or just don't have the makeup required to do the job. There are tons of stories of people who have been dropped, even divorced, after getting cancer or some other illness. I know a psychologist who divorced her husband because she couldn't take living with him once he became afflicted with depression! Sorry, Monkey, but even though you may think she 'should' not let it bother her, it probably does. Link to post Share on other sites
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