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Know that when she leaves she is going to see the other guy

Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 30th November 2003, 9:52 PM   #1
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 16
Know that when she leaves she is going to see the other guy

I first met my girlfriend three years ago at the Vans Warped Tour. I put her upon my shoulders so she would be able to see her favorite band: Green Day. She was 17 and I had just turned 21. We casually dated for a while. I was with my friends the one night and we heard there was a party at a girlís house we all knew, so we decided to go. Lo and behold my angel was there. We hung out all night and when the party started to die down, she asked me to go lay with her in the one guest bedroom. She held me close saying she had fallen in love with me and wanted to be my girlfriend. We had spent three wonderful years together. Going places and even dealing with her going away to college for 5 months before she decided to transfer to Penn State where I was going.

She had always been into poetry and books, more than what I was. A guy she had met in junior high got a job with her, whom she once told at the mall who her favorite poet was. Seemed his favorite poet was also the same. I trusted her and let them hang out since they both enjoyed poetry. Five days later while we were headed to another Warp Tour, she seemed to be distant from me. The next day while we were vacationing in Cleveland with some of our friends, we decided to stay at the hotel and be together. I knew something was up, I could read her like a book, literally. She tells me that she was falling for her friend from work and that they connect on a spiritual and mental level. I was in total shock and disbelief; all I could was agree with what she was saying. She tells me that she still loves me and will always want me in her life since I am something special to her. The thing that hurts me the most is that I was going to take her to NYC on her birthday (December) and propose to her in Greenwich Village.

Last December I graduated from Penn State and was living with two of my friends. Dealing with the problem of graduating and not having a job in the field I studied (delivering furniture with a background in Information Technology) made me cranky and depressed. Maybe the thought of my independence scared her, since the guy she is dating is a senior in high school. Now she is turning 21 and he is 18.

Never wanting to lose her I decide to try to be friends with her. That is so hard when every time you see ďthe love of your lifeĒ and know that when she leaves she is going to see the other guy. This went on for 3 months. She would call me up in the middle of the night crying and telling me that she loves me but still feels this is right for her. Two weeks ago, I gave her a hug, kissed her cheek, and told her I canít do this anymore. She got in her car crying and left.

The time after that moment have been harder on me then the three months we tried to be friends. I feel that what I had done is the right decision, even though it hurts my heart. I only have one photo of the two of us hanging on my wall. Deep down I wonder if she ever decided to come back to me, would it be the same and would there be trust? She really has no friends now that she left me, since all her friends were stunned and took my side. I still love her deeply and would someday like to live my life with her. Should I wait for her to call me or would it look like Iím desperate to give her a call? Confused with love.
starwarsnerd1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st December 2003, 1:50 AM   #2
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 15
I am in a similar situation as you.

I think just give her some time to think about her feelings, about what she really wants. maybe you need to make this clear for her, let her know that you are not some backup buddy. That you want to be the guy she is with, and if she can not do that then you guys might have to part. Easier said than done, i know this.

But for the moment, what you have done is good. Don't put too much pressure on her or else she will run away. Just gently, let her know how you feel, and what you want. Give her time to think about what she wants, she may miss you and decide to come back, she may not. But at least she knows what you want, and can decide if she feels the same way. Only time will tell...
honkas is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st December 2003, 2:57 AM   #3
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Perth, West Australia
Posts: 153
BENNETT, my hat off to you for trying to be a friend with your ex even though she is seeing someone else. I, myself, have said that if my ex ever met someone else, then I would cut off all ties with her as it would be too hard on me to try and listen to her talk about 'her new man'.

TIME is the real answer to all our questions. This maybe the one time where I would say that if she really believes that you are the one for her, that she will come back to you when she finally realises! People on here have said that you cant miss someone if you're always in their life. In your case, I would have to side with them as you are being a friend, always there, just a phone call away. Maybe you need to distance yourself for a while and let her miss you? It could be a blessing in disguise?

GOod luck whichever way you look at it mate.
KitWalker is offline   Reply With Quote


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