Ex acts as if we're in a relationship but wants to stay friends

[alphadog]

Me and my ex have known each other for almost 3 months now.

 

I asked her out after 1 month of getting to know each other. We progressed pretty fast. We went out for 1 month & we were both happy. During this time she had doubts, because the relationship was seemingly too perfect. I wasn't sure if she was serious about it or not. I must admit that she getting to know her she really was a sweet & wonderful person. & despite this short amount of time, I fell in-love with her. So one night, i serenaded her & asked her out. We were having an amazing relationship & after 1 month, everything started to cool down.

 

She wanted to be friends later, i kept my cool & agreed to it. But when we talked on the phone later that night, it just hit me like a brick. I felt like i got stabbed in the heart when she called me "best friend". Later on, i just thought that it wouldn't work out and so i acted desperate (never have done in my life), by keeping on wanting to talk to her almost everyday & talk about "where we were right now". The night before a boat party, we were very loving towards each other, then during the boat party, i had conflicting feelings because i don't know how to interpret her dancing with other guys & acting like she was in a relationship with me the other night. I called her "inconsiderate" when the night ended. & she got mad at me for it. I kept pushing her away till one night she just blew off on me saying "I'm done". I then told her the next day that I can't be friends with her because it hurts me to know that all she want is my friendship after all we've been through together. & that idk when or if we'll ever be friends.

 

So i went NC for about 3 days & one night i called her knowing she has a phobia for thunder. She is terrified of thunder & always starts freaking out and crying

 

I called her & asked her if she's alright & hanged up as soon as she said she was. She then texted me that "My heart skipped 5,000 times when i saw you calling, I'm fine you didn't have to do that, & thank you it meant a lot".

 

Later that night i decided to give her another call. As we were talking, she started crying & she told me she cried because she really "missed me". After that I asked why she broken up with me ( i know i shouldnt have). she said that she's scared & wouldn't tell me the reason & started crying again. I didn't want to pressure her so I changed the subject. & That night i slept with her on the phone, like we used to always do.

 

It's been a week since that, & I've been wondering if i made the mistake of answering to her when she calls me pet names like babe, baby, etc. & saying I love you back in the past week. She's been acting as if we were in a relationship.

 

 

 

I have been avoiding replying with emotions to her txts & phone calls. But she keeps on bringing up the "i love you". I'm just so confused. Last night as she was pulling an all nighter i stayed on the phone with her for emotional support & before she slept she said "i love you" & i told her "me too" this time & she keeps saying you don't have to say it if you don't mean it. & i just didn't know what to say. Because i thought she wanted to be "friends" but acts & talks to me as if we were in a relationship. (i haven't seen her since i started NC).

 

I genuinely care for this girl, the whole time we were together she kept telling me that i was "too perfect". & she was afraid because it feels everything is too perfect..

 

Despite her great looks, where all the other guys drool over her. This was the only girl i didn't care about her looks & genuinely fell in love because of her sweet & spontaneous personality. I asked her about what her hopes & dreams was two night ago & she told me that she sees herself succesful with her job & she sees herself with me in it.

 

I'm not sure how to act anymore. I've been playing it cool. I've changed a lot in a short period of time. I was happy when i was in NC for two days because there was no more stress. I've regained contact with old friends, happy with my job, getting back in shape & eating healthier, & just being happy & just kept it that way for the past 2 weeks.

 

I have been putting less time for her & lessen my availability for her to increase my own time for myself. I just don't want to start NC again & be cold towards her, because i promised that i'll be there for her always & specifically for the next week because it'll be very stressful for her. She's been stressed out too much already & i don't want to add to that. She's been really stressed lately even pulling an all nighter last night for her fashion show & had work 5-4 today. I care for her but at the same time i just dont know how to act when she just wants to be friends & i want a relationship after all we've been through. & now She acts as if we were in a relationship without the label. I'm so confused.

 

How do i deal with this? Should i just go NC again? or just keep going with it. I don't even know anymore, but my feelings is starting to fade away & our past doesn't bother me as much anymore. but her doing this is like bringing everything back. I want her happy, but i don't think i can stand seeing her with anyone else if we ever end up not being together. Helppp

[Sebstian]

It doesn't sound like it's completely dead to me. How old is she? She sounds like she's 17 or something.

 

I would find out what that thing, she can't tell you, is. You ought to know why she can't be with you. I would also stop being so considerate of her feelings and worry more about yourself. If she don't want be your gf then that should have the consequence of not getting the support reserved for a gf. At least if you want her back that is. Being too nice just pushes her away (pushes all women away). It feels like a big gamble giving her the cold shoulder, but I think it could work. I would just let her know that you fancy her but can't spend more time waiting as you have other options. She must know that you are prepared to walk away from anyone who doesn't live up to your standards.

 

And btw. the friend zone is a death trap guaranteed to mess your head and heart up completely if you have feelings for her.

[alphadog]

We're both 19 right now. I've stopped initiating the conversations. I just try to be there when she calls now. I just got off the phone with her. It seems that she doesn't believe that I love her. She hinted that she doesn't want to get hurt anymore, because she did have a 2 year relationship when she was 16 and the guy just broke it off with her out of nowhere, without any reasons why. And it doesn't help that one of her bestfriends(which she isn't in good terms with), keeps badmouthing me out of jealousy of when we were in a great relationship. I understand that she's been through a lot and thats why I'm looking for a way to prove to her that I do genuinely care for her & i don't want anyone else. Yes I have oneitis, and i know i don't want anyone else. I wanna have a future with this person and I can't think of anyone else but her.