using friendship to get an ex back

[allie_lgh]

So I had set up NC for about 2 1/2 weeks now. My ex and I broke up (together 4 yrs) first on the last day of Dec but drew it out for the past 5 months (back and forth every other week basically).

 

He broke up with me and has been very angry throughout the whole breakup. Some things he does have a right to be angry about, but he says he's mainly mad because "he never wanted to have to leave the relationship-he wanted to marry me this October, but I forced his hand" (we broke up because of a drunken fight).

 

2 days ago he got into an accident and ended up in the hospital. I didn't call or ne thing when I found out because a few days earlier I had left a bag with a sweatshirt of his on his doorstep and he sent me this really angry letter telling me to leave him the **** alone in every aspect of the word (assumed calling wouldn't be welcomed)

 

then last night he emails me saying, "Last night I almost died... I thought to myself as I lay on the stretcher, do I really want to leave this world being angry at the person I loved most? I don't. And I miss talking to you. It's taking a lot just to write you this, because I have been so hardened by everything that has happened. Last night though showed me how frail life is, and how I shouldn't waste my time holding grudges against people I loved. This doesn't excuse what you did, not one bit. But I don't want to be bitter about you anymore, and I want to one day be friends. That is if you can stop pulling stupid **** that hurts me."

 

as you can see he's still angry. I'm not reading into this for anything more than what it is. I replied short and sweet and am letting him initate any and all contact. Let him make the moves and control where this goes.

 

I love him with all my heart and would love to get back together. My question is, does befriending an ex ever (or usually/possibly) lead to another chance? Like I said not getting my hopes up just wanted to hear other peoples experiences!

 

Thanks! (sorry for the long post)

[SoCal_Guy]

I wish I had the answers for you, but it seems like a little space may be the best option for you two to get through this. I'm far from an expert — I'm actually in a break right now, and it's so frustrating from time to time.

 

However, this line he wrote in the email he sent to you was an eye-opener for me

 

"Last night I almost died... I thought to myself as I lay on the stretcher, do I really want to leave this world being angry at the person I loved most? I don't."

 

That actually is very touching and it sounds like it comes from the heart. Those are the words of someone who does truly love you. That's the way I feel right now about my ex. I truly love and care for her and I would hope that if we aren't able to work things out that we leave each other on a good note. I would hate to be bitter at the person I love if something bad happened to me. I really wish I could tell her that soon but we are on a true NC break right now (four days without any contact and about a month of very limited contact).

 

I hope thing work out for both of our stories.

[smudge21]

I read what he said as totally just being honest and saying he'd like you two to be friends... but nothing more. I mean one second he's using the L word but next he's saying about being friends.

 

Right now you're not in a place where you can be friends with him, you want more and you will never accept just being his friend. If you think you can, then take a slice out of my break-up. I thought I could be friends, right up to the point she got back with her long term ex, got engaged and started talking weddings. Could you handle that?

 

You need to tell him you need time to heal and that you will leave him alone (clearly he gets annoyed by what you do sometimes). Maybe in the future you can be friends, but not now. Not yet.