DeadlyAvenger Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 Ok this is slightly complicated and long so bear with me. Met this girl online an we dated on & off since summer last year. She was seriously keen on me, to the point where it slightly put me off. But I never ever really committed to her, although i was very fond of her, i never 100% thought she was "the one" so to speak. I know what your thinking...why didn't i just move on! I guess part of me thought she had potential and i was just being super fussy and i guess insecurity of letting someone go who's really keen. Bad i know...but that's the truth. I feel there were several reasons behind my doubts, . When we met i was still talking to an ex-ex, who i had very high hopes of reconciling with (major one-itis), and if im honest i kinda blamed this girl for messing it up, although the reality was it had nothing to do with her it was all me. Also a few things about her that bugged me, her initial clinginess did put me off a bit. She didn't seem the super intelligent type i would normally, and her dress sense bugged me...but if im honest they all were very minor things, i think my one-itis with my ex-ex really clouded my judgement And i did meet up with several girls while we "dating" although nothing ever really came of it, and i was honest with her that i was doing this, which obviously really upset her, but we still kept in touch and still kinda had a "thing". She also met up with other guys, obviously i wasn't too overjoyed with this but obviously i would have been a hypocrite to tell her she couldn't. About two months ago she goes we should just be friends, if im honest im suprised it didnt happen much sooner, but i reluctantly accepted this. We've been chatting as "Friends" since but just last Friday she told me shes getting to know someone, and i was really upset about it this time.I know many of you will say this a knee jerk reaction to her dating some one else, but i've realised its much more than that, as she is the girl i want to be with long term. I dont know why but I seem to have this horrible habit of not appreciating girls until there gone... Anyway I spoke to her on the phone almost literally after she told me this (bad mistake) and said that i definitely did want to be with her but she goes this new guy deserves a chance. I told her that it would be difficult for me to keep in contact whilst shes getting to know him, with her so i said bye. I then also kicked her off my facebook.I later apologised for over reacting and said that i would still like to keep in touch. We chatted briefly on msn two days later about regular stuff. I then sent a "hey" text that same evening but no reply. I've now backed off totally since (about 2days) and doing no contact, but if im honest its driving me crazy! Can anyone offer any advice on how to play this please, i know she still cares and is still interested but this new guy and the past is the issue. p.s. she does not live in the same town, its a good 100miles away Link to post Share on other sites
guccimane99 Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Its human nature to not know what we have till its gone. We all have that habbit it doesn't hit us either till we see that there moved on and happy without us or they are dating someone else. Honestly go to no contact start lifting weights. Change ur hairstyle update your clothing and then when you hit like a couple months talk to her again. Don't bring up the relationship just be funny and smile but not to much. Everyone likes the happy, funny guy show her that if she don't come back shes the fool. Ok this is slightly complicated and long so bear with me. Met this girl online an we dated on & off since summer last year. She was seriously keen on me, to the point where it slightly put me off. But I never ever really committed to her, although i was very fond of her, i never 100% thought she was "the one" so to speak. I know what your thinking...why didn't i just move on! I guess part of me thought she had potential and i was just being super fussy and i guess insecurity of letting someone go who's really keen. Bad i know...but that's the truth. I feel there were several reasons behind my doubts, . When we met i was still talking to an ex-ex, who i had very high hopes of reconciling with (major one-itis), and if im honest i kinda blamed this girl for messing it up, although the reality was it had nothing to do with her it was all me. Also a few things about her that bugged me, her initial clinginess did put me off a bit. She didn't seem the super intelligent type i would normally, and her dress sense bugged me...but if im honest they all were very minor things, i think my one-itis with my ex-ex really clouded my judgement And i did meet up with several girls while we "dating" although nothing ever really came of it, and i was honest with her that i was doing this, which obviously really upset her, but we still kept in touch and still kinda had a "thing". She also met up with other guys, obviously i wasn't too overjoyed with this but obviously i would have been a hypocrite to tell her she couldn't. About two months ago she goes we should just be friends, if im honest im suprised it didnt happen much sooner, but i reluctantly accepted this. We've been chatting as "Friends" since but just last Friday she told me shes getting to know someone, and i was really upset about it this time.I know many of you will say this a knee jerk reaction to her dating some one else, but i've realised its much more than that, as she is the girl i want to be with long term. I dont know why but I seem to have this horrible habit of not appreciating girls until there gone... Anyway I spoke to her on the phone almost literally after she told me this (bad mistake) and said that i definitely did want to be with her but she goes this new guy deserves a chance. I told her that it would be difficult for me to keep in contact whilst shes getting to know him, with her so i said bye. I then also kicked her off my facebook.I later apologised for over reacting and said that i would still like to keep in touch. We chatted briefly on msn two days later about regular stuff. I then sent a "hey" text that same evening but no reply. I've now backed off totally since (about 2days) and doing no contact, but if im honest its driving me crazy! Can anyone offer any advice on how to play this please, i know she still cares and is still interested but this new guy and the past is the issue. p.s. she does not live in the same town, its a good 100miles away Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeadlyAvenger Posted April 22, 2011 Author Share Posted April 22, 2011 Its human nature to not know what we have till its gone. We all have that habbit it doesn't hit us either till we see that there moved on and happy without us or they are dating someone else. Honestly go to no contact start lifting weights. Change ur hairstyle update your clothing and then when you hit like a couple months talk to her again. Don't bring up the relationship just be funny and smile but not to much. Everyone likes the happy, funny guy show her that if she don't come back shes the fool. Guccimaine, many thanks for your response and apologies for my slow reply. Just a quick update on whats happened..unfortunaletly its not good, not helped because i messed up the NC too Two weeks ago (9th April) is when she told me she was getting to know someone and all the above happened (my original post). Well I did my NC for most of the first week but then she started an msn conversation last friday (Five days into of the first week of my NC), so i guess the NC was working but i screwed up by letting my guard down conversing with her and thinking everything was kool. It was a freindly conversation, and seem like we were getting on ok, few msn conversations further over the weekend and a really long one on sunday night. I then rang her on monday, had a really nice long chat, nothing too serious, but ended the conversation by asking if she wanted to meet the followoing weekend, she said maybe as long as i understood it was strictly as freinds. I was like OK, but she prob didnt believe me. Anyway didnt really make much contact the rest of this week, a very short "hey" msg on msn on wednesday and then i tried ringing her today, but no pick up or call back. Im guessing its going well with this other guy and she doesnt want to talk. Im really really stressed out at the moment about this, this is the third time i havent appreciated a girl who was really into me and then realising after when its too late, its kinda killing me. I'd greatly appreciate some advice. Im guessing re-starting NC is the only thing i can do right? Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 I hope you don’t take PUA garbage to heart. I only mention it because you used at least one PUA buzz word. I think the way you treated this girl is pretty messed up and there is no chance of recovering from it. If she really is your dream girl I would cut the crap and just go blow this new guy out of the water and win her over. Or do NC for real which is really a way of moving on with your life with out thought of the person you are in NC with. Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 how would you say to really blow her out of the water if she wont have contact with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeadlyAvenger Posted April 22, 2011 Author Share Posted April 22, 2011 I hope you don’t take PUA garbage to heart. I only mention it because you used at least one PUA buzz word. I think the way you treated this girl is pretty messed up and there is no chance of recovering from it. If she really is your dream girl I would cut the crap and just go blow this new guy out of the water and win her over. Or do NC for real which is really a way of moving on with your life with out thought of the person you are in NC with. Thanks for your prompt reply Dust. Yeah maybe i've reading the PUA forums a bit too much lol. And yeah i didnt treat her very nicely, but i was always honest, maybe too much so. Despite that she was still keen up until not that long ago. Why was i so stupid!!! But anyway how do I blow this other guy out the water so to speak? And should i just go for broke and say how i really feel and basically go out on a limb? Doesnt this go against the things that are know to work? I feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard place, the rock = me just being honest and declaring how much i want to be with her but possibly risking losing her completely by doing this, hard place = firm no contact. I really dont know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 (edited) how would you say to really blow her out of the water if she wont have contact with him? Show up at her place with jewelry and flowers. If he’s never said “I love you” then now would be the time. Tell her that he loves her and that things are going to be different, that he is done being lame with her, and she is his one and only most important person. If that fails then he should just move on with his life and go NC for his sake, not because of hopes of getting her back. Really, this girl did the right thing for herself. He had very little respect for her and took advantage of a person he saw liked him a lot. Do the gift, I was wrong, I love you, you're my one and only stuff in person not on the phone or internet. I personaly have screwed stuff up with girls only to regret, but if she is the right girl, and you really care it just might work out. Edited April 22, 2011 by Dust Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 im kinda in the same boat so i feel you. the flower thing has been overdone,the first thing she said was that her exes all said exactly what she wanted to hear and showed up with flowers and then she made up with them only to be let down in a few weeks/months. i just put myself out there and told her everything about how i feel and that things would be different,basically that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. she heard what i had to say and wanted to think about things. how long do you give something like that? would it be wrong to ask to go see a movie next week sometime?is that to soon? Link to post Share on other sites
ginastar Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 what is one-itis? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeadlyAvenger Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 what is one-itis? Sorry Ginastar, that means having major hang ups/obsession about one particular ex girlfriend/partner , which makes it difficult to move on to new partner as your always comparing to them. Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 i think i did the same thing as you for a long time. i was with the girl before for 5 years. i would always compare her to the new one instead of appreciating her for the different girl that she was. i loved the new one from the start but found it impossible to tell her. now that shes gone i cant tell her enough. people here are suggesting 4 weeks of nc but i dont know if thats possible Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny85 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 ^Read the law of attraction thread! Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 shes actually a pretty firm believer in that. can u throw the link up on here please? Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny85 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272674/?highlight=laws+attraction You just broke up; don't make the same mistake that 99.9% of people make and start begging and pleading. Keep your cool and you will have a much better chance of getting her back!! Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 i know,that is the hardest part but i think i have it under control. i havent done any begging or pleading,ive just told her all the emotions and feeling that ive held back for the the past 6 months-year. i think that she should at least hear that and then let her make the choice. whats been tough is to not keep txtn her when i think of something else that i want to say. i guess thats what we all struggle with. thanks for the link Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeadlyAvenger Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 Hi guys, im still unsure about what my next action should be, should i go for broke and tell her i am serious (im sure part of her just doesnt trust me) and that i really want to be with her - which could push her away further. I did kinda do this when she first told me she was getting to know someone, but small part of me thinks that she thinks i wasnt being 100% serious that time and that it was a knee jerk reaction on my part. Or should i go for no contact - which could also risk losing her! Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 my opinion, and im still trying to see if mine works, is to put it all out there and let her sit with it. no beggin and pleading but just honest feelings. once you said your piece then at least that will be one less regret with the relationship. it would have made me crazy if i held everything in and didnt say anything. that would have jsut been confirming to her that she made the right decision and i was a heartless a--hole. i told her that i knew that she was right for me and that she meant the world and things to that affect. now im hoping that she believes me and is willing to start over. shes still talking to me so at least thats one positive. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny85 Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 Please let us know how "going for broke" turns out. I have read SO many posts about this and have come to the conclusion that it just does not work. In other words, the one who initiates the breakup must initiate the relationship again.... Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 well what if its not tryin to start the relationship again but getting those thoughts out there. dont you think she should hear what he has to say? Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny85 Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 well what if its not tryin to start the relationship again but getting those thoughts out there. dont you think she should hear what he has to say? I think that is his decision to make. Sometimes you have to learn about life the hard way. Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 im obviously not making the decision for him. he's asking for opinions and im giving mine.im def no expert, its just nice to hear other opinions Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny85 Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 Hey DeadlyAvenger, Where are the two of you at now? Is she responding to your text messages? Initiating contact? Wanting to meet up? (Sorry about the repetitiveness; I haven't read your entire thread:)) I would be glad to give you some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 hey johnny, how about throwing an opinion in for me http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=274917&page=3 do you think im going about my situation the right way? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeadlyAvenger Posted April 24, 2011 Author Share Posted April 24, 2011 Hey DeadlyAvenger, Where are the two of you at now? Is she responding to your text messages? Initiating contact? Wanting to meet up? (Sorry about the repetitiveness; I haven't read your entire thread:)) I would be glad to give you some advice. Hey Johnny85, last exchange of communication was very short msn on wed, rang her on friday but no callback or response to this. What do you reckon? Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny85 Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 ^ Sorry if I already asked you this, but why did she break up with you? Is there another man involved? Link to post Share on other sites
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