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Young guy, young girl.. Problems..


Urban Crusader

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Urban Crusader

Alright so i'll go ahead and give the gist of things. Ex girlfriend and I split due to her family issues, were supposes to get back within a month or two, never happend. She has changed immensely over our time apart and is now dating someone completely not her type (even though she said she wouldn't date anyone) and has been getting in a lot of trouble lately. Drugs, piercings, dying hair? So i'd like to understand why a once sweet girl is now in with the bad crowd and making these awful decisions? Btw her parents did divorce that's the main reason for splitting, too much stress for her.

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Hey,

 

I can understand your wish to understand why she's doing the things she's doing. Why she's living her life the way she is right now. The thing is, you're not a psychologist and neither am I. The reasons why she's doing drugs, getting piercings, etc, are all deeply rooted in her personality and experiences. All of these behavioral changes are things in her that she needed to get out and your examples are how these things have manifested themselves. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.

 

I don't know what your overall goal is but one thing you can't do is change someone. If she needs to go through these things then it's her business. I mean, if it gets to the point where you think she needs an intervention then maybe you talk to a professional about that. If she's just living her life, blowing off steam, though, she'll resent you fro trying to change her in any way. It's her life. She can do with it what she wants.

 

I know that's not exactly what you wanted to hear but that's just the truth. Your only responsible for yourself right now and she to herself. The only way to really look at it is like this - if you met her today, not knowing that "once sweet girl", would you want to be with her? if your answer is no then you should probably move on to greener pastures.

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Urban Crusader

Thanks for the reply 1784.

I have moved to greener pastures recently and I'm loving it!

As far as trying to change her, well I haven't tried and don't plan on trying.

I've been NC For a month even though she lives right down the street lol.

The behavior just made me curious because deep down I know that's not her, she's having a very rough homelife right now and maybe she's trying to escape these problems through what I mentioned earlier.. Who knows its all speculation from my end..

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Someone acting out the way she has chosen to do so is most oftentimes a sign of rebellion. There are people who spend so much time being "sweet and nice" for so long that they hit a point in their lives where they decide to experiment with other behaviors and habits. Why? Well there are usually numerous reasons but I'm gonna say that part of it has to do with her parents divorce. When you act a certain way for so long and then realize that you're not particularly happy then sometimes you'll change your own self hoping it will change things in your life. Sometimes it works but usually positive change equals positive results. Negative change equals negative results.

 

It sounds like she has chosen a darker path to go on.

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Urban Crusader

She has unfortunately. Its a shame considering how mature of a girl she was. But this is what she has chosen for herself. I can only hope that she is happy with her decision . It is kind of funny though how I catch her staring at me when I'm talking to an attractive girl or just having fun otherwise. Moving on has been rough but I've learned so many invaluable lessons I'm sometimes thankful it did happen. I do feel bad for her because she didn't handle the breakup as well and to this day she most likely has a lot of unresolved feelings for me.

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