totally unsure, totally scared

[shiftedblue]

I started seeing my ex of 3.5 years again..after about 7 mos of being apart. We're sneaking around because neither of us are sure. We're also both extremely busy individuals. We were very honest with each other last night saying we both don't know what will happen and we both want to see. But it's the secret part that bothers me. I don't want to tell my sisters or friends and he doesn't want to tell his family/friends that we're seeing each other again until it's really clear things are good.

 

Basically this leaves me wondering if I should continue dating others. We have both seen others during our time apart. I am currently seeing someone casually, not exclusive or anything..but I'm afraid if I see my ex, I'll get tunnel vision. I really care about him...it's not the same as it was between us at all but I fear I will fall quickly and I don't know that he will.

 

Am I making a mistake? I don't know if I should do this, I'm afraid of being hurt again.

[poorguy]

I say give it a shot. What will be will be. Maybe time apart was good for both of you. Take it slowly though. I do think that keeping it a small secret is a good idea until you can figure out where it's going. I'm assuming it wasn't a terrible BU where all of your friends got involved and what not? If it does work out how do you plan on re-introducing him back to everyone?

[shiftedblue]

it was a rough break up for both of us because we were together a long time, but we've never had a lot of mutual friends so friends didn't get involved. my sister held my hand through the whole grieving process so I'm afraid to tell her because she'll be scared for me and mad that I'm going back.

 

if things work out I guess I'll let my family and friends know that we've been seeing each other again for a little bit and that it seems to be working out... I guess that's all I can do. I'm just so nervous about it because the break up did hurt me profoundly...

[poorguy]

Well if you proceed just go slowly with it. It won't take long to figure out if his feeling begin to come back to maybe where they once were. if you read on here everyone is going to tell yu pretty much the same thing.

 

Question is where you guys talking while broken up? You were both dating other people? How serious did both of you get with others? Final question is what brought the two of you back to this point anyway?

[shiftedblue]

I dated one guy for two months. From what my ex says he was seeing a couple girls here and there but nothing serious. We talked periodically via email during the break up and saw each other a few times in the fall, but it was painful so we stopped, and hadn't spoken since early December. Then on a whim I decided to email him to say hi the other day, and he got back to me quickly and asked to talk to me. So we went and saw each other and ended up kissing... so there's still attraction and I believe mutual respect, but I fear that loneliness or a hatred of dating is behind a possible reconciliation. As said, we're both busy, so dating is rough, and we're comfortable with each other's bodies.. Idk if we're supposed to NOT talk about the past or if we are etc...

[poorguy]

Ok..so with all of that being said I say give it a shot. Just take it slow-that's all you can really do. Just don't go into it with grand expectations. I mean if youdon;t expect too much too soon I don't see how you could be that let down if the outcome isn't what you were hoping for

[Popondetta]

So he broke up with you?? Be careful so that he doen't break your heart again. Both of you should make sure there's a good motive behind the getting back togeher (and not like you said: getting together because dating is a hassle)

 

I think I would give it a shot, but maybe try dating eachother in the beginning like you do when you meet someone new. I've never hooked up again with an ex, but I think it should be a bit like starting all over. At the same time you should maybe be open to have conversations about what went wrong the first time around, and talk about what you both have changed during the breakup to make it work this time.

 

(Just curious because I really want a second chance with my ex: did you initiate all the contact during the breakup? I'm currently in NC but it just makes me feel like he's slipping away..)

[SingVoice]

I think we really need more background on this story. We need to know WHY and HOW you broke up in the first place.

 

Also it sounds like you initiated the contact recently...which led to you guys meeting up. If he broke up with you....well....that makes me wonder...if he wanted to talk to you or get back together with you and he was SERIOUS about it...why didn't he contact YOU?

[shiftedblue]

He broke up with me, but I had broken up with him a month earlier, and took him back because he begged/pleaded. And I felt like **** and my heart was just as broken as his but things weren't working. So I took him back and then he dumped me shortly after. It sucked.

 

Yes, we emailed occasionally through out the break up. Mostly I initiated. Idk what will happen between us but I feel like I'll always love him. I am scared that my heart will be broken again.

 

One of the reasons why we broke up in the first place was his lack of time and his selfishness regarding time. He wanted me when he wanted me but he didn't care when I needed him. I don't know that he has changed which is one of the many reasons why I'm so wary now...