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What do you do in your moment of weakness?


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I am on day 13 of strict No Contact. I have been LC for 2 1/2 months. Him and his - what I believe to be a rebound. Just broke up 2 days ago. And now I am all panicy thinking he will call me.

 

every time I want to call him, or e-mail him. I...

1) WALK a lot.

2) write a letter to him, then tear it up and throw it away

3) talk to friends instead

4) watch comedy.

 

 

but it's just not working so well anymore and it's only been 13 days.

 

I have also been TRYING to dive into my work, but.. I get so distracted by my thoughts I am actually lagging in it.

 

I have 2 kids, so hanging out with friends is usually a no go.

 

what do you do?

I almost e-mailed him today, I was really close, but then I clicked out of it. I am not sure how much longer I can take it!

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I am on day 13 of strict No Contact. I have been LC for 2 1/2 months. Him and his - what I believe to be a rebound. Just broke up 2 days ago. And now I am all panicy thinking he will call me.

 

every time I want to call him, or e-mail him. I...

1) WALK a lot.

2) write a letter to him, then tear it up and throw it away

3) talk to friends instead

4) watch comedy.

 

 

but it's just not working so well anymore and it's only been 13 days.

 

I have also been TRYING to dive into my work, but.. I get so distracted by my thoughts I am actually lagging in it.

 

I have 2 kids, so hanging out with friends is usually a no go.

 

what do you do?

I almost e-mailed him today, I was really close, but then I clicked out of it. I am not sure how much longer I can take it!

I honestly just let myself feel those feelings and ride it out 'til I can control myself.

 

Also, I imagine the more likely outcomes of what might happen if I call him and they usually involve not so good scenarios. For instance, I really wanted to reach out to my ex when I heard about Hawaii's tsunami warnings and he also has family in Japan. I didn't because I knew, just on the simple basis of him wanting me out of his life by breaking up with me, that I am the last person that he wants to hear from. Any attempts of sending my well-wishes and whatnot will just annoy him and... he has his friends for that. I'm not his friend. :cool:

 

Oh, that realization hurts. In any case, I just put out a positive thought out there for him and his loved ones, and also my love to him - and the universe will do w/ those what it wants to. So that's what I remember first and foremost when I have weak moments: my ex does not want me in his life anymore. Also I know that by maintaining NC, I can't do anything wrong. He's the one who wants his space so... I'm giving him space! Lots and lots of space. He's the one who wants the break-up, he can be the one to expend the energy to reach out. :laugh:

 

So to recap:

 

  • I imagine the likeliest scenarios that will happen if I reach out to my ex and if it's not good for my sanity, I will not reach out. And the scenarios are usually not good for me.
  • I remember that he doesn't want me in his life and I will not go after someone who doesn't want me. Period. If I had someone do that to me after telling them "I don't want you around," I will be very annoyed and irritated. It's like being followed by a bad odor in spite of having taken multiple showers. So I will not be a bad odor to the ex, even though I am already a bad odor, figuratively speaking. :laugh:
  • I remember that the best thing I can do for him is to do nothing.

That's about it.

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robinseggblue

I totally agree with Oh Penelope. I think the exact same things.

 

Just think about how it will turn out if you contact him. Think about whether it will go the way you want. If you think it won't, then what's the point? Of course, you may be thinking that it WILL go the way you want, but that is unlikely I think. If he wants to get in touch, he will. It's just a basic rule. Even if there are things stopping him from doing it (which is what you may be rationalizing) given time, his urge to contact you will override those reasons. All you can do is give it time. Sad but true.

 

Pretend that he is dead. I use that method too. :)

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I am having a weak moment today too......yesterday he texted saying "so you've already started dating?" I ran with it, thought oh my he doesn't want me to move on, so he's totally regretting his decision and he's going to come back. But I replied with "where'd you hear that?" and then no response...

 

It's so stupid, now I"m thinking well maybe he DOES regret his decision and that's why he keeps postponing getting his stuff, and his crumb he threw me "how's it going" text. BUT what if he has too much pride to admit he made a mistake? He does have a lot of pride and this may keep him from ever admitting to it. So maybe I SHOULD initiate it? THen I think, eventually maybe it will eat up at him so much (like it does to us!) that he'll have to cave.

 

So much thinking/analyzing, it drives me nuts. I never know what to do with him. I miss him SOOO much, I want him back :'(.

 

no_hope, if you stay strong so will I, NC!

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robinseggblue

Quote: "THen I think, eventually maybe it will eat up at him so much (like it does to us!) that he'll have to cave."

 

This is true. He's human after all. We all are. Hang in there all of you!

Edited by robinseggblue
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