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Ex-girlfriend is regretting breakup decision, but I'm not sure.


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So I've been moving along nicely since my breakup about 4 months ago. Me and my ex decided that we would talk and be friends once we were over the whole thing. Mind you, we never intended on being BFFs or anything cheesy like that, just regular friends who talk on occasion. We originally broke up because she said she no longer felt those feelings for me.

 

Now though, my ex contacted me and after talking for a bit, she revealed that for the past couple of weeks, she has missed me like crazy and had been doubting whether or not she made the right decision. She told me that at the time of the breakup, everything about being in a relationship made her really uncomfortable, and on top of that, she had really lost contact with most of her friends, and I mean REALLY lost contact. Barely ever saw any of them. She was pretty sure that the friend situation was one of the reasons why the relationship felt so unpleasant.

 

According to her, she misses being together with me in particular (by which I mean she doesn't just miss being in a relationship, she misses me). We decided that we would take it easy, see each other a couple times and see where that leads.

 

The thing is, even though I have been moving along nicely, I still have occasionally missed her like crazy, and thought that if she called, I would get back together with her. Now though... I'm not so certain.

 

For whatever reason, I haven't been feeling very strongly about getting back together with her. I have no idea why. I remember how painful the breakup was, and that I wanted nothing more than to get her back. It doesn't make any sense to me that I wouldn't want to get back with her. Now I'm not an idiot, I know that no one could just jump back into a full time relationship. It has to start from zero in a situation like this. Still, it feels weird. I don't see why I wouldn't like to potentially get back together with her. Maybe I'm just scared? I still like her a lot as a person, I think she's a really funny lady, and she is very good looking. Seriously, d-cup, big blue eyes and very cute, the whole deal:D

 

I'm a bit confused here, and I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. In the meantime though, I'd like to hear what you people think.

Edited by pieturli
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hmm...so you actually were able to remain friends with her AND now she wants you back? Well that's good for you, but you said that you might not want her back. It sounds like now that the ball is in your court and you have the power back that you're seeing the relationship for what it really was. OR, you said yourself that you are scared. I know I would be. You're smart though. You can't just jump back into this thing.

 

From her standpoint, it sounds like she had a bit of GIGS and it didn't turn out how she had hoped. But telling you that the feelings just aren't there anymore is really a red flag. I would be cautious with what you do.

 

Bottom line is, you have the power back and I'm sure it's a great feeling. Search yourself and find out if you want to be with her or not. If you do decide to go for it then you can't be scared about her leaving you again.

 

How long did you guys date, and how old are both of you?

 

I'd like to know more about your situation because it's a lot like mine only except after being friends with my ex for about a month, I had to tell her how I felt and go NC. Been NC for about 1 1/2 months.

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I am 21 and she is 20, we went out for 2 years. GIGS certainly crossed my mind there, but she didn't leave because she wanted another guy. The single life certainly was calling her, if thats what you mean, but mostly because it offered her a chance to be completely free. I forgot to mention in my first post that we have discussed the whole "feelings-gone-away"-situation, and she shares my fears. She says she doesn't want to go through that whole situation again, as the break up was tough on her as well, because we really got along well and were very close. As you said, I have the power here, which is certainly a nice feeling. I've learned to doubt my feelings, as I have an anxiety disorder which in the past has caused me to question my feelings for her (really felt like ****, btw:P), so I really do need to take it slow and see what happens. In the past when I had serious doubts about our relationship, they always went away eventually and I felt great to have her back.

 

You were friends with your ex straight away? That is really rough. We decided that we could be friends after enough time had gone by. Which brings me on to another point: before she contacted me, I still had a tough time thinking of her as a friend. She was still mainly my ex to me, and seeing her in the street sort of freaked me out.

 

Anyways, your decision to go NC is for the best. Once you are over her, you can make contact and see how that feels, or at least thats what I would do.

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Well, some emergency circumstances had come up right after the break up that I needed her there for me for. Still stupid. Not the right decision.

 

I would like to be friends with her and have her in my life again but I am scared of falling for her again and being set back to square one so im holding off on that for a while longer.

 

Anyways, yeh what I meant by GIGS was not only maybe another guy involved but basically just wanted to see things from a different point of view I guess. Like being single and re-establishing friendships. You both cannot get back into the relationship being fearful, it will just lead to arguments and jealousy. Work on your issues. Maybe even go to counseling? If you are attending a college maybe they have some free counseling services for students? A couple that I know went to counseling and now they are back together.(Which is difficult to comprehend considering he beat her on numerous occasions, but I'm not gonna judge them.)

 

Just curious, how long before you were able to be friends with her again?

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Well, some emergency circumstances had come up right after the break up that I needed her there for me for. Still stupid. Not the right decision.

 

I would like to be friends with her and have her in my life again but I am scared of falling for her again and being set back to square one so im holding off on that for a while longer.

 

Anyways, yeh what I meant by GIGS was not only maybe another guy involved but basically just wanted to see things from a different point of view I guess. Like being single and re-establishing friendships. You both cannot get back into the relationship being fearful, it will just lead to arguments and jealousy. Work on your issues. Maybe even go to counseling? If you are attending a college maybe they have some free counseling services for students? A couple that I know went to counseling and now they are back together.(Which is difficult to comprehend considering he beat her on numerous occasions, but I'm not gonna judge them.)

 

Just curious, how long before you were able to be friends with her again?

 

We're not really friends yet. That is the first thing she contacted me about, about how she had been wishing for a long time that we could be friends. Now, I can imagine it, but it still feels a bit weird. But it takes time, as you see it hasnt even been four months since we broke up. It depends a lot on the people involved, some can be friends sooner, some later. I don't want to scare you, or depress you, but it does take time. But you'll get there eventually:) Even my parents are now friends, even though they had a very very rough divorce.

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Eddie Edirol

Dude, GIGS is when she is looking at another guy. if she lost feelings for you, it was because of someone else, dont let her lie to you. It didnt work out, thats why she is missing being with someone, not being with you.

 

The reason you dont feel like you want to be back with her is because you dont want to be her second choice. You already know inside that she left you emotionally, you feel like she is going back to you because youre there, not because she wants the real you. You wonder how her feelings could just come back? They havent, shes just lonely and since she got rejected by GIGS, you were her safety net. Youre hoping this isnt the case, but it is. Women that dump you dont go backwards when they leave you emotionally.

 

Anything she says about leaving you because she just wanted to be single, or her friends pressured her, its all crap.

 

Hopefully you wont date her again, because GIGS will set in with her again. She will see some guy and dump you when she thinks she has him. Then when he ditches her, she will look for you a 2nd time. Young girls in their early 20's are fickle like that, trying to figure out what they want. Dont do it, or at least, if you do it, treat her like a booty call, dont get emotionally attached. Dont let her use you just because her friends bailed on her.

 

If she didnt leave you from GIGS, then youre worse off. She left you because she couldnt stand to be around you anymore. Would you really believe that everything that turned her off about you disappeared within 4 months? No way my man. She still rememberes it all, and will deal with it to avoid being alone. You will learn in your life that there are people who refuse to be on their own. Dont train her to be one of them. At least make her tell you the truth about why she left you so that you can learn from it, and avoid making those mistakes for the next women who will be into you.

Edited by Eddie Edirol
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The thought of another man had certainly crossed my mind, even though she was adamant that this was not the case. I saw no evidence to support the idea. Circles are small here, and people tend to find out about such things. If there was/is another guy, she has been doing a world class job of keeping it secret not only from me, but from my friends who she knows. I see no reason to believe that there was another guy, other than the fact that it could have possibly been. I know it sounds defensive, but with no evidence to support the idea, why should I think that this is the case? Seems paranoid. I should add that she has had one night flings with guys since we broke up, and it's not like I blame her. I have had plenty of them myself. According to her though, dating someone other than me doesn't feel right. Lies? Possibly. Problem is, how do I know? There is no evidence to support the other guy theory, but all I know is that she says that she hasn't been trying to date anyone else, and that I havent heard/seen anyone else.

 

The death of emotions is what we both have been worrying about. As I said, she does not want to go through the same stuff all over again. It doesn't seem like she couldn't stand me at all, as all through the so called NC period she would occasionally break it to see how I was doing.

 

Her friends never bailed on her, more like she bailed on them. She lost contact with them because they were in different circles, and she was hanging out with me so much.

 

As I said in my earlier posts, the situation with her friends had become unbearable, that combined with the fact that we were directly at the junction in a relationship (1.5-2 years) where the so called honeymoon phase usually ends. This, we both think could have been at least one of the causes of her serious feelings of unrest in the relationship.

 

Your second point about her not wanting to be around me? Obvious. That was exactly the problem, she no longer felt the same way about me that she did before, so being around me certainly wasn't always pleasant. We had fun together though, but not in that girlfriend-boyfriend way. Thats what bothers her so much, she says she doesn't understand why she had such a serious lack of feelings towards me, only to have the exact same feelings come back. Do not think for a SECOND though that either of us has been thinking "oh ok, the feelings disappeared, then they came back. no biggie". No, we are both completely baffled by this, which is exactly the reason why we want to meet up a couple times and see what it feels like. I am not about to jump back into it, and neither is she. I'm not an idiot and neither is she.

 

As for the lying? I'm not sure why you think I should not believe her. Do you have some past experience in a situation like this? I have not shut out the possibility that she could just be lying her ass off, but the problem is, I have no evidence to support that. As I said before, a lot of my friends also got to know her pretty well during our relationship, and I got to know a lot of her friends. It feels difficult to believe, and frankly paranoid, that she would have organized some big conspiracy just to keep the "real" reason of the breakup a secret from me. I repeat: she could be lying. All I have to go on is her word, but because I have no reason to think she would have lied to me, I kinda have no choice but to believe her. I'm skeptical, of course, but only time will really tell what happens.

 

Situations like this are hardly simple. Humans make mistakes, humans lie. For some reason, I want to want to give her a second chance (if that sentence makes any sense, english really isnt my first language:D). Of course I'm wary, as I said, I'm not going to jump back into this. She seems to agree, as she definitely didn't want the same crap to happen all over again.

Edited by pieturli
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Eddie Edirol

See you might not realize that when it comes to breakups, you dont always get the evidence for the lies. People do certain instinctual behavior during breakups, its much easier to see from an outside perspective. You might not understand this for a couple more breakups. What I tell you is from experience, and common occurences, plus what Ive learned from this board. When she breaks it off, you gotta tell yourself what you need to keep from wanting her. You read around here, you will see that all the dumpers do the same thing.

 

I never believed anything women say during a breakup. They say whatever they can to keep you thinking positively about them- covering what they havent devulged the real reason they lost attraction to you. They cant stand thinking that people might hate them. I would never believe that your girl has no idea why she lost interest. She sure as **** knows, but she might not have told you to keep you on hold. For example If she told you 4 months ago that she discovered one year into your relationship that she cant stand a certain way you look at her....well that wont matter once youre broken up so she wont say anything. You think she will tell you the reasons she cant stand you if it kills any chance of you hoping to get back with her later? To be her safety net? Youre never going to get evidence of this, stop looking for evidence, and keepmoving on. Dont let her use you as her safety net.

 

bESIDES,you already stated what I told you before. She dated around after you, and now that nothing worked with any of them she is coming back to you. Thats why you dont want her, and I dont blame you.

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It's quite possible that she is lying. What if she isn't? I see no reason to swing strongly towards either end of the spectrum. I can't prove she isn't lying, but she could also be telling the truth. I don't mean to start a fight here, but to me it seems that your past experiences have colored your thinking. I asked her many times if there was any chance of reconciliation, and she said no. There was no way we would get back together. In a move I perhaps should have taken beforehand, I should explain that before the breakup proper, there was a month of thinking. We first had a serious talk, then I suggested breaking up with her to save us both from that awkward bull**** period. However, 2 days after the breakup she called me and asked if we could take a week long break instead so she could think. After said break, she contacted me and said she wanted to try and make it work. We tried for about a month, but obviously we got nowhere, and we broke up.

 

Dating around and then starting to get a hankering to get back into an old relationship is not the same thing as getting into a new relationship, getting dumped, and wanting the old one back then, or at least it isn't to me. What I'm trying to get at here, is that it is just as likely that she is telling me the truth. People fall out of love. Sometimes, people break up, and then realize that they made a mistake later on. I personally know two married couples who have broken up once when dating, then gotten back together eventually and gotten married. Does that mean this will happen to me and my ex? Of course not. It might, but it just as well might not.

 

As much as I wish relationships followed a certain procedure, they do not. It could be that she is lying like a mother****er and just keeping me on hold. If I find out that this is the case, I can wash my hands of this woman completely. I cannot imagine that a second breakup would be any harder than the first one.

 

Although, as I pointed out, she said that she thinks that her friend situation was a big contributor to her bad feelings. She told me that everything about being in a relationship felt uncomfortable and annoying at the time. Could be just an excuse though. But she did tell me, or at least she told me now. She's not sure that it's the whole cause of her feelings going. So I don't know, it could be that she's making excuses or something like that, and as much as I disagree with your reasoning, you have a point when you say that keeping the reasons vague would be the best way of keeping me on hold. However, in my mind, if she was just keeping me on hold, wouldn't she have come back to me crooning "ooh baby I want you back sooo bad" or something like that? As I said, she is not sure about getting back together and she does not want to go through that **** that we went through, it was rough on her as well. If she had just been keeping me on hold, wouldn't she want to get back together right away? She seems just as confused as me, if not more.

 

All I'm saying is that people do not follow procedures. Not everyone is a lying whore. The only way to know what happens is to take it easy and see what happens.

Edited by pieturli
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Hi Pieturli,

 

I think I get where you're coming from... and sorry you've been going through all this, it can't have been easy. Kudos to you that she's 'sniffing' around again by the way, shows that you behaved with dignity and class during the break-up overall, which is good for your self-esteem as much as for your future.

 

Now, I'd look back at your original post...

 

 

The thing is, even though I have been moving along nicely, I still have occasionally missed her like crazy, and thought that if she called, I would get back together with her. Now though... I'm not so certain.

 

For whatever reason, I haven't been feeling very strongly about getting back together with her. I have no idea why. I remember how painful the breakup was, and that I wanted nothing more than to get her back. It doesn't make any sense to me that I wouldn't want to get back with her. Now I'm not an idiot, I know that no one could just jump back into a full time relationship. It has to start from zero in a situation like this. Still, it feels weird. I don't see why I wouldn't like to potentially get back together with her. Maybe I'm just scared? I still like her a lot as a person, I think she's a really funny lady, and she is very good looking. Seriously, d-cup, big blue eyes and very cute, the whole deal:D

 

I'm a bit confused here, and I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. In the meantime though, I'd like to hear what you people think.

 

The stuff you write here is so important, because it comes from the gut. You're flattered she might be interested again, and who wouldn't be - by all accounts you had many good times together as well. But something, some niggling feeling inside is telling you that it's not worth the hassle.

 

Why? Because that's your brain, the central, most logical part of you which is saying, she hurt you before, don't look back. Sure, you have all the good memories, your ego was hurt in the break-up, I believe you love her and loved what you had. But listen to your gut. Really, it never fails. This relationship wouldn't be the same next time round and although it feels crazy, I think you'd be right, on balance, to want to move on. She had her chance. This is not a store she can walk in and out of. It's your life and she shouldn't be bailing in this way. If she missed her friends, she should have worked to get them back - from within the relationship.

 

She gave up on you and there's a risk that she'll do that again, and your gut is totally on to it. :)

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Hi Pieturli,

 

I think I get where you're coming from... and sorry you've been going through all this, it can't have been easy. Kudos to you that she's 'sniffing' around again by the way, shows that you behaved with dignity and class during the break-up overall, which is good for your self-esteem as much as for your future.

 

Now, I'd look back at your original post...

 

 

 

 

The stuff you write here is so important, because it comes from the gut. You're flattered she might be interested again, and who wouldn't be - by all accounts you had many good times together as well. But something, some niggling feeling inside is telling you that it's not worth the hassle.

 

Why? Because that's your brain, the central, most logical part of you which is saying, she hurt you before, don't look back. Sure, you have all the good memories, your ego was hurt in the break-up, I believe you love her and loved what you had. But listen to your gut. Really, it never fails. This relationship wouldn't be the same next time round and although it feels crazy, I think you'd be right, on balance, to want to move on. She had her chance. This is not a store she can walk in and out of. It's your life and she shouldn't be bailing in this way. If she missed her friends, she should have worked to get them back - from within the relationship.

 

She gave up on you and there's a risk that she'll do that again, and your gut is totally on to it. :)

 

I understand what your getting at. I am not bothered by the thought of not getting back together with her, but I am very interested in seeing what would happen. There is a chance that it would go sour all over again, and we both acknowledge that, which as I said, is why we havent just jumped into it. Though we are young, we are not hormone crazed teenagers who cant think straight:D

 

I still feel a need to see what happens when we meet up. I must agree that the thought of starting to date her again feels very strange, and that it is difficult to control or sometimes even make sense of your emotions.

 

But I have to say, I make it a point to not just go with my gut feeling. My gut is good at telling me when I'm hungry, but it's not good at making important decisions. I prefer to weigh the consequences and at least attempt to make a decision based on logic. I understand that feelings don't necessarily follow logic, and that relationships are based mostly on, surprise surprise, feelings. But if I had always gone with my gut, I would have made startlingly stupid decisions in my life. I do not believe in fate at all, or "the one". I believe there are people with which things can work out, and people with which they cant.

 

I suppose the best way of making decisions is a mixture of gut and brains:D I guess we need both...

 

Only thing I do know is, I want to see where this is going. It's never going to be the same, but what if its better? It could, in all possibility be worse though.

Edited by pieturli
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I totally understand. And seeing as you're 21, you've got all the time in the world so you could give it another chance, and if it doesn't work out, chalk it up to experience.

 

If I was in your shoes, I'd probably do that. :) It's all very well people on internet forums giving you advice, but there's nothing like experiencing stuff first hand. See what happens and you'll find out soon enough what the future's likely to hold. Hey, good luck and keep us posted.

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I totally understand. And seeing as you're 21, you've got all the time in the world so you could give it another chance, and if it doesn't work out, chalk it up to experience.

 

If I was in your shoes, I'd probably do that. :) It's all very well people on internet forums giving you advice, but there's nothing like experiencing stuff first hand. See what happens and you'll find out soon enough what the future's likely to hold. Hey, good luck and keep us posted.

 

Thank you. I would never make a decision based on what someone said to me on the internet, but it is really nice to hear other peoples opinions on such matters:)

 

And your right, time aint one of the things I'm lacking here:P

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I gotta say, this is a very confusing feeling. As I mentioned earlier, during our relationship I had phases where I thought that I didn't want her anymore, but those phases always passed and it felt great to be with her again. Now, I know that it is perfectly natural for interest in a relationship with someone to wax and wane, I know this from what more experienced people tell me, like my mother and cousins for example.

 

Every time I think of telling her that maybe it would be better if we just gave up on the whole thing before it gets really weird, I suddenly get this sort of mental backlash like "No no no no, your not going to do that", almost like my brain is disagreeing with itself. Goddamnit people are so complicated its not even funny anymore:D

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it is perfectly natural for interest in a relationship with someone to wax and wane

 

It is a totally natural cycle, in the context of being IN the relationship.

 

When one party chooses to leave, its not waxing or waning anymore. It's a big, negative sign and indicates that the other person was prepared to totally risk losing you and the relationship for good while they worked out their feelings.

 

In my opinion, relationships should be fixed while you're still in them, not after someone has already walked away.

 

But that's just my $0.2. :)

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Eddie Edirol

However, in my mind, if she was just keeping me on hold, wouldn't she have come back to me crooning "ooh baby I want you back sooo bad" or something like that? As I said, she is not sure about getting back together and she does not want to go through that **** that we went through, it was rough on her as well. If she had just been keeping me on hold, wouldn't she want to get back together right away? .

 

See you need to keep all the reasons you can to keep your chances of getting back with her. Well, youre young, of course you do. You still think your going to logic your way around this, and it doesnt work that way. Just because you dont want to believe that she could be lying to you doesnt mean everyone elses thinking is colored by experience. Like I said, you look around the board, and see much of the same thing going on.

The only way she would be crooning to get back with you is if you dumped her while she was still in love with you. When she loses feelings for you, she keeps you on hold just in case she cant find someone better. Then if she doesnt, she goes back to someone she didnt really want to stay with. Youre 21, you dont need to be holding on to all of this awkwardness, you have many girls to date. Start now.

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Sometimes people really need to find out for themselves what will happen. I call them necessary mistakes.

 

If you try again and fail, then there will be no regrets. You've done all you can do.

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See you need to keep all the reasons you can to keep your chances of getting back with her. Well, youre young, of course you do. You still think your going to logic your way around this, and it doesnt work that way. Just because you dont want to believe that she could be lying to you doesnt mean everyone elses thinking is colored by experience. Like I said, you look around the board, and see much of the same thing going on.

The only way she would be crooning to get back with you is if you dumped her while she was still in love with you. When she loses feelings for you, she keeps you on hold just in case she cant find someone better. Then if she doesnt, she goes back to someone she didnt really want to stay with. Youre 21, you dont need to be holding on to all of this awkwardness, you have many girls to date. Start now.

 

I don't believe that things are that clear cut, especially relationships. I don't believe that things like this come about as if in some kind of equation. "Certain type of breakup + mutual desire to be on good terms = on hold" or some other such pseudomathematical stuff.

 

I will freely admit, I don't want to believe that she is lying, but really I can't shut out the possibility. But I am not looking for excuses to believe her.

 

What I'm struggling with here is why you seem to think that her lying about this is the only possibility. Yes it has happened to a lot of people on the board, but how does that mean it will happen to me? I gotta say, your view on relationships seems pretty cynical to me. I repeat: I am not saying that you can't be right, I'm saying that I don't think its as clear cut as that. Because it happened to someone else, doesn't mean it will happen to me.

 

When did this thread become about this anyway?

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Sometimes people really need to find out for themselves what will happen. I call them necessary mistakes.

 

If you try again and fail, then there will be no regrets. You've done all you can do.

 

 

True enough. I suppose thats whats keeping me from telling her that its too late. I want to know for sure, or as sure as anyone can be. Once more, I don't believe that one situation automatically follows another. For some people it works out, for a lot of others, it doesn't. We can't help ourselves can we?:D

 

Like Sagan said, We could not have remained ignorant forever

 

(I guess that quote sort of fits in:D?)

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Eddie Edirol

What I'm struggling with here is why you seem to think that her lying about this is the only possibility. Yes it has happened to a lot of people on the board, but how does that mean it will happen to me? I gotta say, your view on relationships seems pretty cynical to me. I repeat: I am not saying that you can't be right, I'm saying that I don't think its as clear cut as that. Because it happened to someone else, doesn't mean it will happen to me.

 

When did this thread become about this anyway?

 

I never said her lying was the only possibility. You seem to think that your situation is unique, but its not. Theres a minute percentage of relationships that actually work out and last after one person emotionally checked out, and I havent seen any that worked out that are in your age group. The person that needs the relationship more always thinks that theres a possibility, but its always because the other person didnt tell them that theres no intention of that.

 

But like Bateman said, its a necessary mistake to find out. If you have the chance, you could try again, but another likely possibility is that she will check out again in the future. You may see this as cynical now, but you will find out in your lifetime, and maybe on this board, that its not cynicism, its experience that lets you know to not hold on to hope, you hold on to whats there at face value. With breakups and waning relationships, theres a fine line between positive thinking and blind ignorance. You hope when you dont know whats going on.

 

Im not an incurable cynic, i just racked up enough years to see the signs leading up to a breakup. After a while, you learn to use the knowledge so you dont get blindsided and hurt. Its just like kung fu and learning how to see the hits coming so they dont hit you. Are people who learn karate cynics because they want skills for a rainy day?

 

How did we get here? everyone in the thread is trying to keep you from getting hurt again. They see you going down the same route many others have gone before, thats all. Necessary mistake. Gotta do it to learn how to not to want to do it again.

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I never said her lying was the only possibility. You seem to think that your situation is unique, but its not. Theres a minute percentage of relationships that actually work out and last after one person emotionally checked out, and I havent seen any that worked out that are in your age group. The person that needs the relationship more always thinks that theres a possibility, but its always because the other person didnt tell them that theres no intention of that.

 

But like Bateman said, its a necessary mistake to find out. If you have the chance, you could try again, but another likely possibility is that she will check out again in the future. You may see this as cynical now, but you will find out in your lifetime, and maybe on this board, that its not cynicism, its experience that lets you know to not hold on to hope, you hold on to whats there at face value. With breakups and waning relationships, theres a fine line between positive thinking and blind ignorance. You hope when you dont know whats going on.

 

Im not an incurable cynic, i just racked up enough years to see the signs leading up to a breakup. After a while, you learn to use the knowledge so you dont get blindsided and hurt. Its just like kung fu and learning how to see the hits coming so they dont hit you. Are people who learn karate cynics because they want skills for a rainy day?

 

How did we get here? everyone in the thread is trying to keep you from getting hurt again. They see you going down the same route many others have gone before, thats all. Necessary mistake. Gotta do it to learn how to not to want to do it again.

 

 

A necessary mistake it may be, but it feels like I have to find out what would happen. I definitely agree with you there, that most relationships that are re-heated after someone emotionally checks out don't work, but from what I know from the experiences of a handful of people close to me, it still might work. Not saying that it will, or even that it is likely, but it could. I always believe in trying. Always will.

 

I still maintain that if her original intent was to keep me as a backup, she would most likely have kept the breakup vague by saying something like "I cant be with you now or "I need space", or something in that vein. She made it VERY clear that the relationship was 100% over.

 

I can't really know what her motivation is this time around, and the only way I will ever know, is seeing where this goes.

 

She contacted me, so I don't think I'm completely alone in the needing a relationship department. But I suppose you got me there, that I probably do need a relationship more than she does :p

(And just to make it clear, we are going to be meeting very casually, just to see if there is anything there. I am definitely going to keep my guard up.)

 

 

 

Anyways, thanks for the output everyone! If it goes well, great. If it goes to hell, no biggie, I'll live and so will she:)

Edited by pieturli
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