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Suddenly dumped from LDR without any warning.


SundayGirl

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Hello everyone!

 

I find myself suddenly (very suddenly!) single after a 5 month LDR.

 

There were no arguments, I had no warnings, picked up on no signals that anything was amiss (I am very intuituve so this is a shock to me) and it strikes me as all being very hasty.

 

Of course I dont know that for certain, he may have been building up to it for some time but I dont believe he was.

 

He phoned me on a Friday night to ask if we could put things on hold, he was finding the distance too hard as we only see each other twice a month. He said it was nothing to do with me, he wasnt blaming me, it wasnt my fault.

 

I asked how long he had been thinking about this because I hadnt been aware he wasnt happy and he said since Wednesday.

 

Immediately I though i better do some damage control so instead of getting emotional I said "ok if thats what you want thats what we'll do."

 

I asked him what 'on hold' meant and he said "eehh maybe a break, i dont know, but i cant see anything changing anyway so what good would a break be...'

 

so I said ok, and he asked if we could be friends and I said I didnt know, we would see how it panned out.

 

He asked if that was a no or a maybe and i told him i couldnt give him an answer but i didnt think it was likely because our relationship didnt work long distance I didnt see how a friendship would either.

 

Then I told him this was all very sudden and if he had met someone else I would prefer if he just told me.

 

He said he hadnt and I am inclined to believe him.

 

I asked what happened on the wednesday that started him thinking of this and he said he found out he would have to work the weekend and wouldnt be able to visit me like we had planned. He said we barely see each other as it is and things like this will always happen and he finds it too difficult to deal with.

 

 

 

We ended the conversation that he would phone me in the morning to see how i was.

 

I phoned him back later that night when i was emotional and I asked why he didnt come to tell me in person/had i done something wrong etc etc (mistakes , i know! Even as I was saying the words I knew I was making mistakes) I didnt ask him to reconsider I just told him i was upset and suprised and disappointed he did it over the phone.

 

He told me he was starting a new course soon and would have even less time on his hands to make matters worse. (He never told me he was thinking of going back to education)

 

I told him I'd miss him and I loved him and he said the same back and then said he had to go, and he hung up on me. I phoned back 3 times and he rejected the calls then switched off his phone.

 

Sooo... I panicked.

 

I sent 8 texts (yes, 8) syaing please answer, etc etc, then what will I do with your stuff, if i did something wrong im sorry, we never got to say goodbe in person, and then lastly -its not fair to dump me by phone and then switch yours off when its the only way i have of contacting you.

 

(YIKES)

 

THe next day on my break from work I had 5 missed calls from him.

 

So I phoned him back and he said again i didnt do anything wrong, it wasnt my fault, keep the stuff, please dont be annoyed with me, will you be my friend, call me when youre in my area and we'll meet for coffee. I told him he should have done this in person, and i was annoyed about that.

then I asked was that it then?

And he said say you'll be my friend. (i didnt say anything)

I told him i had to go back to work and he said he would call me that night (sat).

 

He never called.

 

I dont know what to do, this is so out of the blue.

 

Part of me thinks he was made a hasty decision that he will regret and come back, and the other part is terrifed that I'll never hear from him again.

 

We have no mutual friends and live on opposite sides of the country so its not like we will bump into each other.

 

I feel i cant contact him because it will push him further away and it looks like he wants space beacuse he switched his phone off that night.

 

Im so shocked and hurt :(

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MidnightinMadrid

Hi Sunday;

As a fellow LDR breakup victim,well not victim but you uderstand,i have gone through the same thing to when he told me he cant do LDR its not realistic,he rather meet someone in his area. I prodded him and ask him if he had someone else and he vehemently denied.

 

Guess what,he did which he finally admitted,so my thing is if they all of s sudden broke up no excuses,they met someone else.

I would please not contact him,dont do like I did,try to be in his life at ANY cost. getting what they say crumbs from him to the point he ignores your txts calls or emails for good. It is a strong possibility.

 

Please go on NCNo Contact and do not break NC,not even if he months from now he wants to chat and catch up,(which he will after the dust settles)that itself will never solve anything. You'll both be still broken up

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I really dont think he met someone else, but maybe thats because I dont want to think that he did.

 

Do you think he will def contact me?

 

Thanks for replying!

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SHould I delete his no? I dont know it off my heart and he doesnt use email/facebook so if I delete it is final that I cant ever contact him.

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Sorry to say this, but I have a sneaking suspicion he has feelings for someone else, possibly closer to where he lives and he wants to keep the friendship thing going with you in case it doesnt work out - basically just to keep you hanging on.

 

I would definitely delete his number. Its a good thing that you dont know it off by heart...delete it and you wont ever be tempted to text him because you CANT ! The only way of contacting, will be on his end.

 

I deleted my Ex's number, but unfortunately I know it off by heart. I even did the stupid thing of changing my number, then texted him a few days later, lol so foolish.... we need to have a bit more self respect and self control and not cave in.

 

To summarise - do not be friends with him, delete his number and move on with your life. If he happens to reach out in the future, then so be it, but for now you need to look after number 1 and get on with your life.

 

Goodluck :)

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  • 2 weeks later...
SHould I delete his no? I dont know it off my heart and he doesnt use email/facebook so if I delete it is final that I cant ever contact him.

 

You are so lucky you don't know his number by heart. DELETE it! It may suck at the start, but you will be SO thankful you did it in a short while from now...

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