Slowly reconnecting with ex

[metalman_ii]

Hey everyone,

 

 

My ex gf and I broke up about 2 months ago after about 1 year of going out. She went into a brief rebound for a month and has been single for about 2-3 weeks now. She reached out to me last week after I went NC with her for about 4 weeks. She told me that she missed me and that she still loved me and that she wanted to see me again. We met up for the first time over lunch and then we decided to go see a movie.

 

She told me over lunch that her rebound was a big mistake, and that she doesn't feel her life is stable enough to get back into dating right now. We both agreed that we loved each other and that we should take it slow, and not jump right back into a relationship. She expressed that she wants space right now and she wants to get her life in order and socialize more for the time being. I agreed, and I told her the same thing, I felt it was for the best. I made it clear to her however that we need to make progress to either reach one of two decisions: 1) There is a future for us or 2) There is no future for us and we should go our separate ways. The last time she tried to be my "friend" I shot her down, and she knows very clearly that I will not waste my time.

 

At the movie, she rested her head on my arm, which is what she used to do when we were together. When we were "friends" (fresh from the breakup, before I seriously initiated NC), she still showed very subtle signs of affections (brief holding of hands here and there) but no head resting on my arm or allowing me to kiss her on the cheek.

 

I hung out with her again yesterday and we made friendly conversation. Overall, we had fun. Afterwards, we started talking about us again. I made it clear to her that we need to be making progress. She expressed that one of the reasons she wants to take it slow is because she's not ready to get back into a relationship again. She told me that she made it very clear to her friends (mostly guys) that she is not going to be dating for some time, just having fun and getting her life back together. She has been socializing quite a bit actually.

 

Honestly, I believe her, because she was a mess these past 2 months from what I heard, and her life was a bit crazy when we were going out together for that year. I honestly think it was a mature thing that she said and I respect her for that. She used to rebound all the time, but this time, she actually stopped and didn't just rebound to the next guy. She made a conscious decision to be single. She even put her status on Facebook as "In A Relationship" so that no guys try to hit her up when they see her as "Single"

 

She contacts me frequently and I never have to initiate contact at all. I do get the feeling that she is playing "hard to get" though. This week, we were planning on hanging out again. She wanted to do Thursday, even though I had arranged for us to meet on Friday. She tells me that Friday doesn't work, and she wants to see me Thursday instead. I said "No, I'm busy" Then she asks me if I can see her tonight. Again, I said no. After like 2 hours, she texts me back and says, "I changed my plans to Thursday, lets meet on Friday." and I accepted. She called me like 10 minutes ago after she texted me what I was doing. I told her I was "hanging out." She then calls me, chats a little bit, then I tell her that I have to go and that I'll call her after I get back home. She told me, "Nah, I'm gonna be out, we'll talk later." I was cool and said "Ok. Talk later."

 

So, the question is this. We both clearly stated we love each other, but we both want to take it slow. Should I continue just having these outings with her and see where this goes? Or am I just wasting my time?

[bl22]

Who broke up with who first and why?

 

Sounds to me like she broke up with you to try out this new guy, found out she didnt like it then came back to you.

And now your both playing mind games cause your both scared it will end up breaking up again. If you got hurt by her, just keep playing it cool. Dont hold out all your hopes on this.

[strength-abounds]

Welcome to LS metalman.

 

I would like to express a question to you and I apologize if it hurts.

 

How do you feel about being Plan B?

 

It sounds like she dumped to you try out this new guy; and, when it didn't work out she went back to Ole' Faithful (that's you).

 

As for reconciling the relationship, kudos to the two of you for trying it out by taking it slow. IMO, you should be aware that not all 2nd chances work out because of lingering issues in the previous relationship. In essence, your the rebound of the rebound.

 

Take it slow, take it easy, and just go with it brother.

 

Good luck.

[metalman_ii]

The thing is, when she rebounded, she wanted to be my friend. I shot her down and went strict NC for a month. She dumped him, and eventually she cracked and contacted me.

 

As for being Plan B. I have a suspicion that might be the case. That's why I've also been seeing what other women are out there to date. I'm not going to risk investing so much into this reconciliation effort to potentially get disappointed. I'm setting her up to be my Plan B as well, just to hedge my bets.

 

bl22, to answer your question. I broke up with her first 6 months into our relationship, we then got back together. 6 months later, we got into some huge fights and she ended up breaking up with me. The major issue was that I had a problem with her social habits. Don't get me wrong, I love the girl for who she is, but I started taking her for granted. Over time, I wanted to love her for who should could be. I started judging her, and using things she honestly told me about her past against her. Eventually it reached a breaking point.

 

During our time together, she's become more comfortable talking about her social life to me once more, and she's seen that I don't react or judge her any longer. I've learned from the mistake, and maybe she's waiting to see if I truly did change before pulling the trigger?

[bl22]

If you are going to take the risk and give it a 2nd chance i suggst you read Don Ho's post here on what to do and what not to do -

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t250552/?highlight=reconciliation+list

[kaycstamper]

If you are wanting to give it a chance again, I'd go for it, but there's no way to predict the outcome. lDLO read DonHo's list though!! I wish I'd had it 3 1/2 weeks ago!

[bleeg]

You're kinda in the same shoes I am.

Me and my ex have both stated we love each other. We've both stated that we see each other in our futures.

 

However, we're both taking things slow and reconnecting. We don't want to rush.

 

Honestly, I think reconnecting with an ex is just an awkward thing for most people. There's still a lot of resentment there. It'll take time.

[metalman_ii]

Well, we went out yesterday. We went to a gun range and then went to see a movie. We had a lot of fun. I can tell she's starting to become more comfortable with me now. We held hands a few times and she rested herself on my arm and body - multiple times, like on the train to the city, the taxi ride home and the movie theater (which she never did during the brief period when we were "friends")

 

Still no kiss on the mouth though. When I used to go out with her, she believed that was the most intimate thing you can do with another. For now I'm playing it cool and seeing where it goes. I'm maintaning a confident image and not trying to be all sappy with her with things like "I love you" since we already had established that. She's admitted to talking to other people about me as well, in reference to some cool things we did in the past.

 

I'm thinking of giving it a few more weeks then reaching a decision on whether to give our relationship a second chance or cutting it off completely. What do you guys think?

 

I'm well aware I could just be a Plan B. That's why I've been actively dating in the meantime. It would be nice to get back with my ex, but I'm not going to die if I don't.